"That's not my dog," said the visitor.
"But he follows you."
"Well, so do you."
The sexton growled, and removed the dog with unnecessary violence.
One Way of Recognising a Gentleman.
Hospitable Host: "Does any gentleman say pudden?"
Precise Guest: "No, sir. No gentleman says 'pudden.'"
A Curious Account.
Douglas Jerrold's veterinary surgeon at Putney—a great character—was a favourite subject with him. His bill, especially, was preserved as a most laughable curiosity, one of the items being put thus (referring to a sick horse):—
"His nose was warm, his ears was cold, and
everything gave signs of approaching
desolation. £0 5s. Od."
An Organ-Grinder's Earnings.
"What do you make a week?" said a magistrate to an Italian organ-grinder who charged a man with breaking his instrument the other day.
"Vour pound, sare."
"Eh, what? Four pounds for grinding an organ?"
"No, sare; not for grind—vor shut up and go away!"
Playful Thoughts on Marriage.
A Reason Against Marriage.—A celebrated wit was asked why he did not marry a young lady to whom he was much attached. "I know no reason," replied he, "except the great regard we have for each other."
Marriage Defined:—The gate through which the happy lover leaves his enchanted regions and returns to earth.—"Did you ever," says Sydney Smith, "hear my definition of marriage? It is, that it resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them." [2]—A clergyman, while engaged in catechising a number of boys, asked one of them
