“But this loneliness, this craving for companionship——”
“We have all been through that,” said Sir Richmond. “We have all in our time lain very still in the darkness with our souls crying out for the fellowship of God, demanding some sign, some personal response. The faintest feeling of assurance would have satisfied us.”
“And there has never been a response?”
“Have you ever had a response?”
“Once I seemed to have a feeling of exaltation and security.”
“Well?”
“Perhaps I only persuaded myself that I had. I had been reading William James on religious experiences and I was thinking very much of ‘Conversion.’... I tried to experience Conversion....”
“Yes?”
“It faded.”
“It always fades,” said Sir Richmond with anger in his voice. “I wonder how many people there are nowadays who have passed through this last experience of ineffectual invocation, this appeal to the fading shadow of a vanished God. In the night. In utter loneliness. ‘Answer me! Speak to me!’ Does he answer? In the silence you hear the little blood vessels whisper in your ears. You see a faint glow of colour on the darkness....”
