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"Gentlemen of the jury"
calling of names. I wonder why my friend indulged in it? Not to ingratiate himself with his audience—not to flatter you, I feel sure. The tribute which he paid to your intelligence speaks for itself. Cheap methods are only for cheap men. And yet as I listened to my friend's argument I was most impressed by the masterly manner in which he called the roll: Mr. Richards, Mr. Foster, Mr. Adams, Mr. Norton. Mr. Ferris, Mr. Lawton, Mr. Ireland, Mr. Fulsom, Mr. Thompson, Mr. Paulding, Mr. Innes, Mr. Orton—all present or accounted for with the facility and exactness of Loisette of blessed memory."
The speaker's finger indicated each individual, and a ripple of laughter ran over the room and broke into smiles on the jurors' faces.
"Had my friend felt doubtful of his cause," continued the attorney, "had he been short of facts and long of names, it is possible that he might have reverted to that first rule of pleading, which says, 'Place yourself on an intimate, familiar footing with your jurors.' But my opponent would never have made a crude application of that rule—he would not have done things by halves. Had he desired to make you feel at home with him he would have discarded formalities. He would have called Mr. Adams 'Thomas' and Mr. Folsom 'Robert'—perhaps he would even have referred to Mr. Benjamin Ferris as 'Ben,' called Mr. Lawton 'Dick,' and Mr. Paulding 'Bill.'"
The speaker raised his eyebrows in grave surprise as the sound of laughter reached his ears, and then continued imperturbably.
"No one who listened to my friend's poetic flights would dare suggest that he was lacking in imagination. Who would believe that a case of this sort could inspire the Muse? The thought of a man getting goods without paying for them is not exactly poetic. Yet divested of rhetoric that's the kernel of this case. My friend's client has had our cake and eaten it—and we are having a run for our money. A duller, more commercial theme cannot be imagined. But on my friend's lips the bald prose of this commonplace controversy blossomed into poetry of eloquence and beauty. Do you mean to tell me that the man who effected such a transformation would condescend to commonplace flattery? No, sirs! If my adversary had thought it necessary to gain your graces by showing that he knew your names he would doubtless have addressed you in fluent rhyme like this:
Richards,
Foster,
Adams,
NORTON!
Ferris,
Fulsom,
Innes,
ORTON!
Thompson,
Paulding,
Ireland,
LAWTON!
