Page:John Brown (W. E. B. Du Bois).djvu/65

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THE SHEPHERD OF THE SHEEP
57

obligation I am under to render to all their due) to pay the same and the interest thereon from time to time as divine Providence shall enable me to do."[1]

He wrote Mr. Kellogg at the same time: "I am sorry to say that in consequence of the unforeseen expense of getting the discharge, the loss of an ox, and the destitute condition in which a new surrender of my effects has placed me, with my numerous family, I fear this year must pass without my effecting in the way of payment what I have encouraged you to expect."[2] He was still paying this debt when he died and left fifty dollars toward it in his will.

It was a labyrinth of disaster in which the soul of John Brown was well-nigh choked and lost. We hear him now and then gasping for breath: "I have been careful and troubled with so much serving that I have in a great measure neglected the one thing needful, and pretty much stopped all correspondence with heaven."[3] He goes on to tell his son: "My worldly business has borne heavily and still does; but we progress some, have our sheep sheared, and have done something at our haying. Have our tanning business going on in about the same proportion—that is, we are pretty fairly behind in business and feel that I must nearly or quite give up one or the other of the branches

  1. Agreement quoted in Sanborn, pp. 55–56.
  2. Letter to George Kellogg, 1844, in Sanborn, p. 56.
  3. Letter to John Brown, Jr., 1843, in Sanborn, p. 58.