152
BUTTERFLY MAN
he was living not in rooms leased by Howard, but with Howard. Of course, the gossip was untrue. And yet—and yet. The innocent gibe of Ga-ga made him wonder. He wondered why he had changed color at the chorus girl's remark, why he had begun to drink, why he had gone home alone. He was afraid to face, not Howard, but a thought. It was a curious thought, deep, sly, a persistent thought, defying suppression. He tried to sublimate it, to forget it. He shook his head with genuine helplessness. Drunk as he was, he guessed the truth. He—he thought … that way. He did. No question about it. He—he preferred Howard to—to a silly girl like Ga-ga—perhaps to any girl. He shook his head. *Tm crazy," he told himself quietly. "I'm crazy."
