he possessed. I thought I would write to my mother and ask her to change my destination, for I saw plainly that I was wasting my youth and exhausting her purse without any advantage. But how could I venture to broach such a subject? I had been devoted to the holy ministry from my birth. My father had been a minister, my three brothers, two brothers-in-law, two maternal uncles, were all ministers of the Gospel. My mother had placed me for tuition with ministers, whom she hoped would lead me in the way she desired. After all this, to tell her that I wanted to be a shop-boy, I dare not do it, I should be afraid of breaking her heart. After much deliberation I determined to write to my sister Anne, and make her my confidante. I first pointed out to her my own miserable deficiencies; I had studied so many years and made so little progress, that I had lost all hope of doing better in future. I told her I had the greatest possible reverence for the ministerial office, I looked up to it as the most honorable of all employments; but then, if it was an undertaking beyond my strength, if I had not the requisite gifts, I ought not to enter upon it; and therefore it would certainly be the best to waste no more time and money in preparing for it. After having, as I thought, made my incapacity appear very plain, I proceeded to open my mind to her upon the plan I had formed for my future career. I then begged her to keep my letter a profound secret, but on some favorable occasion to tell my mother, as it were, of her own accord, how poorly qualified I appeared to be for the important and noble vocation of a minister of the Gospel; and to suggest the expediency of letting me leave off study, and try whether I should not do better at some more common em-
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LETTER TO SISTER.
47
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