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22
THE MONTHLY
occasional services. It is also expected throughout Scotland, that the prayers and discourses shall be the minister's own composition, and that they be delivered without the use of papers. They are to visit, to catechise, and to teach from house to house; to superintend all schools within their bounds, and are especially charged with the care of the poor. The provision made for the clergy consists of a stipend, a glebe of land of about six acres, and a parsonage-house. The livings on an average are not worth more than £200 a year, chiefly payable out of an assessment on the rent of land.
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VARIETIES.
Ventriloquism.—Mr Carmichael, the Ventriloquist, when at Haddington, one day stopped a woman on the street, who had an infant in her arms, patted and praised its bonny baby cheek, and slyly inquired whether it could speak? "Speak! my certy! did ye ever hear a bairn speak at five months, that hadna first been changed by the fairies? Mine's nae wan-thriven get, an' can tak nae scaith ony way, as lang's I keep the Bible aneath the cod." This was too good an opportunity to be lost; and immediately a voice, small, shrill and sweet—aye, as sweet as the single stringed notes of Paganini, or Tommy Puck's, when his throat with fiddle-strings was lined--exclaimed, "A, mother, what a lee! ye ken I can speak weel eneugh if ye wad let me, and ye ken hoo ye feared me when I tell'd father about the glass o' whisky." The woman looked dumfounded, as she well might; and after muttering, "Preserve us! preserve us! the man's a warlock, and has witched the wean." crossed the street, and disappeared as fast as her trembling limbs could carry her. But the story was soon bruited abroad, and did more for the ventriloquist than an advertisment in the newspapers.—On another occasion, Mr Carmichael was seated on the top of a coach, in company with various other passengers, one of whom, at some point of the journey, in crossing over to the front seat, happened to stumble on a large bag. For this faux pas he suffered severely, and jumped up as nimbly as if a serpent had stung him, when he heard a voice wailing forth. "Oh dear! oh dear! ye're tramping, I tell ye, on my leg." From his looks as well as words it was obvious the man believed he had hurt a child; but a sailor who was present said it was
