MY FIRST FIT OF THE GOUT.
Lady Janet and Belinda discovered, seated.
Lady J. (rising) Nay, but, my dear Belinda—
Bel. (rising) Nay, but, my dear Lady Janet, you shall not submit to it. What! allow that rakish husband of yours no play the gallant under your own pretty nose? I won't bear it, if you will. But perhaps you don't love the fellow?
Lady J. Ah—too dearly!
Bel. The truth is, Nature has given him handsome legs, but a very shabby understanding. Love has nothing to do with his vagaries,—'tis vanity, of which he has more than would supply a regiment of our sex, though they all were blues. I would make his head heavier than his heels, if he were my husband.
Lady J. You really surprise me, and know more of my husband's frailties than I do.
Bel. Simply because he makes more love to me than he does to you.
Lady J. (shocked) Belinda!
Bel. (imitating her tone of surprise) Belinda!
Lady J. Love to you? Impossible!
Bel. Come, that's complimentary, at all events.
Lady J. Nay, while I do justice to his taste, I must feel my wrongs.
Bel. Wrongs! That is too harsh a word for such follies. Were it love, would I encourage him as I do?
Lady J. You encourage him, girl?
Bel. (imitating) You encourage him, girl? To be sure. Is it not better that he should devote his attentions to one whose pleasure it will be to torment him, than to one whose pleasure it would be to torment you? Besides, have I not another reason for bringing to shame and contrition this husband of yours, and this guardian of mine?—for, while he holds the control of my fortune, poor Captain Arundel, whose life, I believe, depends on my smiles—
Lady J. Now I understand. You benevolently undertake the Herculean task of reforming the husband, solely to promote the
