manner. Ah! when Charlotte was about it, why could she not have introduced a neat plate of white-bait by the side of that famous bread-and-butter which captivated the affections, and ultimately led to the untimely end of her despairing lover! All this, however, though learning of the most useful kind, does not help us immediately on to Greenwich.
I should have mentioned that Mr. John Partridge, to whose jocular propensities I have slightly alluded, was a not very distant connexion of Mrs. Pokington Almond, the maternal parent of the enchanting Fanny. Mrs. P. Almond was in point of fact one of the Norfolk Partridges, and our friend J. P. came originally from Diss in that turnipy county. Now J. P. was perfectly aware that Septimus was in a very dreary way indeed on account of the various charms of feature, character, conversation, and general fascination which distinguished his cousin Fanny from all other maidens of mortal mould. Septimus, however, did not take the tender passion kindly—few persons in that unfortunate situation ever do—but he took it worse than most others.
Of all disagreeable unsocial wretches commend me to the lover who is brooding over the charms of his mistress. It is not a pleasant thing to spend an evening with a young man who thinks of you as a coarse, mercenary brute, simply because you are pursuing the ordinary objects of interest in human life in a very legitimate way; and who, as you are perfectly aware, would scorn your most elaborate efforts to entertain him for a suggestion on the part of his sweet Sophy to the effect that “it was rather warm.” As a general rule, birds in love are pleasant—at least they tell the story of their sorrows in a pleasant way; men in the same situation are indescribable bores.
It was, however, resolved between us that, by hook or by crook, Septimus should be persuaded to accompany us to Greenwich. We contemplated nothing more than a very quiet sort of thing indeed—and at the same time that Mrs. Pokington Almond should be induced to make up a little party, as the ladies had never assisted at a fish dinner before. Our little project—subsequently modified—was, that the two parties should afterwards meet, as though by accident, in Greenwich Park to see the sun set, or the moon rise, or any kind of planetary entertainment which might be in progress at the time. The result rested, of course, with the young people themselves; still it was to be expected that under the balmy influence of the hour, and the cold punch, and what with the stars above and the coal brigs in the Pool below, Septimus might, at last, be induced to speak out like a rational being; for Jack and I, who were not under the despotism of sternest Eros, knew perfectly well that our little friend F. looked upon Septimus—bating his Jeremiads and belief in his own unworthiness, &c.—with a far from unfavourable eye. Partridge was to join our party, the ladies to be left under the guardianship of friends of whom no particular mention need be made, as they did not influence the fortunes of Mr. Septimus Cox and Miss Fanny Almond otherwise than as being umbræ to Mrs. A. on the memorable day in question.
What a pity it is that we can no longer go down to Greenwich by water. In the early summer time that fresh run through the Pool amongst the tiers of coal brigs used to form an apt and proper vestibule to the Temple of White-bait. I miss that daring mariner in the kind of South Sea canoe, who, with a double-headed paddle, used to steer his way by choice into the hubble-bubble made by the steamers, and when you felt perfectly assured that he had been sucked in by the paddle-wheels, and would be dropped out when the steamer stopped at the Thames Tunnel as flat as a pancake—lo! there he was on the other side of the gallant vessel, joyous as a river monster. I have never known how he got there—my impression is that he used to dive with his mysterious craft under the ship’s keel.
Then what nervous work it used to be going through the Pool, and how you got into No Thoroughfare places from which it seemed impossible that any mortal skill could extricate the steamer, when just at the critical moment a portion of the obstacle seemed to fade away by enchantment, and you were off again! At other times, when all seemed fair and prosperous, a great lumbering lighter would drift across the channel, and you felt morally convinced that nothing could save the stoical lighterman from a watery death, no matter how great the forbearance and skill of your own skipper. And how coolly the lighterman took it, not even deigning to quicken his pace as he performed the usual feat with that enormous pole. Surely the empire of the seas will never pass away from England while she produces a race of men who can do such work as that which our noble captain has immediately in hand, and with such perfect facility as if he thought nothing of it. With what calm majesty he sits on a camp-stool on the paddle-box, and by a mere indication of his finger, which produces from the call-boy a shrill scream of “Ease her! Stop her! Go ahead!” regulates the motion of the craft with such nicety, that he brings her up alongside of a wharf, or drives her through obstacles with only a foot or two to spare, just as a Hansom cabman would guide his vehicle through a jam in Fleet Street. How excited the foreign gentlemen become as the steamer arrives near the Tunnel, and how stout old Englishmen point out to them the vast amount of shipping in the Pool, and with the conscious pride of enlightened patriotism ask if they have anything like that to show in their own country.
The whole scene used to be so fresh, and cool, and pleasant after the dust and turmoil of London. Here we are at last at the bend of the river where Greenwich opens upon us with the Observatory at the top of the hill, and the green park with its old thorn trees; and there lies the Dreadnought, dear to naval veterans from the recollection of other days, and to fish revellers, because when it is sighted they are well aware that the delicate banquet of which they have come in search is not far distant. And we have arrived at the stairs, and immediately we land are plied with invitations to come and take tea at various establishments, where it appears that tea, bread and butter and shrimps are served out at incredibly low rates,