well, I’ve altered my mind, it won’t be the first time I have done it in my life, but I shan’t about the pipe though, so look sharp.’ Well, when the lawyer came, though I felt very bad, I made my will, leaving everything to my nephew, but I took care to insert a condition that he was to bury me in my every-day costume, and put a hundred weight of the best bird’s eye and the meerschaum pipe into my coffin along with me; if he did not choose to do this, everything was to go over to my friend, the landlord of the Golden Bull. Well, when my will had been duly signed and attested, I stuffed my pipe once more, lighted it, smoked it out, and died. Well, of course, until I was under ground, my ghost could hang about where it liked; so I kept a sharp look-out on my nephew. The night before I was to be buried, up he came into the room with the lawyer, the landlord of the Golden Bull, and the undertaker’s man; put the tobacco and meerschaum pipe into the coffin, though much against his will, as I could see, whereupon the lid was screwed down. And now, thought I, everything is all right, so off I went to look about me a bit. Well, I was buried the next day, and at midnight, as soon as ever the ghosts were allowed out, off I went to have a smoke. But what do you think, instead of my meerschaum pipe, I found a score of long clays, such as I am now smoking, and a short note from my nephew, informing me, if ever I came to look for my pipe, that he had taken the liberty of making the undertaker’s man drunk, unscrewing the coffin, and effecting an exchange, and wishing me a pleasant time of it with my new acquaintances in the other world. I was burning with indignation, when up came the ghost of an old friend of mine, a solicitor, who had been dead some half-dozen years. ‘What Simpson, you here!’ said he, ‘I am glad to see you; but what’s the matter, man; you seem put out at something?’ ‘Put out! so would you be if you had been robbed like I have.’ ‘And who has robbed you?’ ‘Why, my nephew, Jack, the scapegrace.’ With that I told him the whole story, and asked him what he would advise me to do. ‘Well,’ said he, ‘the new ghost regulations are very severe upon us; we are not allowed to go about frightening people into fits as we used to do, at least not in a usual way; but I believe, in fact I am sure, that in a case like yours, the injured ghost is allowed to visit the ill-doer every night until he obtains restitution of his property. There are, I know, several cases in the books almost on all fours with yours, though I can’t call any of them to mind just at this moment.’ ‘Then,’ said, ‘I may go down and claim my pipe?’ ‘Yes, you may appear to your nephew, or to any one else who has anything unlawfully in his possession or occupation which belongs to you as ghost; but, mind, you are not to attempt to take your pipe away, you must obtain it by fair means, or not at all.’ ‘All right,’ said I, turning to go. ‘Wish you luck,’ said he, ‘mind you are in at sunrise.’ When I came down to the shop, I got quietly in through the key-hole and went upstairs into my nephew’s room. He was in bed asleep. There was a strong smell of tobacco, and on a chair by the side of the bed lay my beloved pipe. The room was lighted with gas, which was not quite out, so I turned it on, and then went and took a seat on the bed and called out ‘Jack, Jack,’ half a dozen times. He didn’t wake at first, for he was always a sound sleeper, but after a little, he roused up a bit, and without opening his eyes, he cried out, ‘What do you want; and who are you?’ ‘I am your uncle’s ghost, Jack, and I am come for my pipe.’ With that he jumps up as if he had been shot, and seizing hold of the pipe, clapped it under his pillow, and says he, ‘I am very glad to see you, uncle, but you don’t get this pipe, I can tell you; so you had better go back to your coffin again, and leave me to have my sleep out.’ ‘You won’t have any sleep, Jack, unless I get that pipe. I shall come to you every night at twelve precisely, wherever you may be, and stop till daybreak, so you had better make up your mind and give it up at once.’ ‘Why didn’t you take it,’ said artful Jack, ‘while it was lying on the chair?’ ‘Because I mayn’t; but if you don’t give it up, you shan’t have a wink of sleep as long as you live.’ ‘All right, uncle,’ says he, ‘I shall always be glad to see you, but you don’t get the pipe, as I said before; however, as I am to have the pleasure of your company for several hours, I may just as well make myself comfortable.’ So with that he pulls out the pipe, stuffs it, and lights up as coolly as could be. ‘Now,’ says he, ‘this is what I call jolly;’ and with that he got quite talkative, and gave me a full account of everything that had taken place after my death, and how cleverly he had done the publican. Well, this did not put me in a better temper, as you may imagine; so I sat there quite glum and silent, till just before cock-crow, when I got up to go. ‘What, off already, uncle,’ said he; ‘why, really it does not appear to me as if you had been with me half-an-hour. You see how agreeable your company is.’ ‘You’ll find me disagreeable enough before you have done with me, I dare say.’ ‘Shall I?’ said he, laughing. ‘Then you mean to come again?’ ‘Come again! I should rather think so. I shall come every night till I get my pipe.’ ‘Then you’ll have to come pretty often, that’s all I can say—so good morning to you.’
“Well, I went away pretty cross, I can tell you. However, obstinate though I knew him to be, I felt sure that I must succeed in time, for his business kept him late in the shop, and as he had to be up early in the morning, want of sleep must soon bring him to terms. As soon as the clock struck twelve the next night I was at the house. As I entered the bedroom a delicious scent greeted me. Whisky-punch, as I was a ghost! Yes, in an arm-chair, by the side of a blazing fire, sat my nephew with my pipe in his mouth, looking as fresh and rosy as though his rest had never been disturbed. His elbow rested on a small table, on which was a steaming bowl of punch, with glasses, tobacco, and a pipe; on the other side of the table stood an easy-chair. ‘Glad to see you, uncle,’ said he; ‘take a seat, and make yourself at home. You see, I woke up this morning, and thought over all you told me the night before, and I came to the conclusion that it wouldn’t be polite on my part always to be in bed when you came. So thisPage:Once a Week Volume 7.djvu/602
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[Nov. 22, 1862.
