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An Oration on the Virtues of the Old Women, &c.
THE madneſs of this unmuzzled age has driven me to mountains of thoughts, and a continual meditation; It is enough to make an old wife rin redwood, and drive a body beyond the halter's end of ill-nature, to ſee what I ſee, and hear what I hear: Therefore the hinges of my anger are broke, and the bands of my good and mild nature are burſt in two, the door of civility is laid quite open, plain ſpeech and mild admonition is of none effect; nothing muſt be uſed now but thunderbolts of reproach tartly trimm'd in tantalizing ſtile, roughly redd up and manufactured thro' an old matron's mouth, who is indeed but frail in the teeth, but will ſqueeze ſurpriſingly with her auld gums until her very chaſt bleds crack in the cruſhing of your vice.
I ſhall branch out my diſcourſe in four heads;
Firſt, What I have ſeen, and been witneſs to.
Secondly, What I now ſee, and am witneſs to.
Thirdly, What I have heard, does hear, and cannot help; I mean the difference between the old women and the young.
Fourthly, Conclude with an advice to young men and young women how to avoid the buying of Janet Juniper's ſtinking butter [1], which will have a rotten rift on their ſtomach as long as they live.
Firſt, The firſt thing then, I ſee and obſerve is, That a when daft giddy-headed, cock-noſed, juniper-nebbed mothers, bring up a wheen ſky-racket dancing daughters, a' bred up to be ladies, without ſo much as the breadth of their luſe of land: it's an admiration to me where the lairds are a' to come frae that's to be coupled to them; work, na, na, my bairn muſt not work, ſhe's to be a lady, they ca' her miſs, I muſt have her ears bor'd, ſays all Mumps the mother; thus the poor pet is brought up like a motherleſs lamb, or a parrot in the cage; they learn no-
- ↑ A nick name to a wife's daughter that no man will marry becauſe ſtuffed up with lazineſs, ſelf-conceit and ſinging pride; or if ſhe be married ſhe'll ly like ſinking butter on his ſtomach, while ſhe lives
