404 DIARY OF JASON LEE
to wet our feet, sleeping in wet clothes and blankets, very bad roads and sometimes hard marching-, &c.
The subject of the necessity of some one of the Mission Family visiting the U. S. had been agitated during the winter and it was at length decided by a majority that it was expedient for me to go. Previous to leaving for Umpqua, I had written Dr. McLoughlin, requesting a passage in the Company's boats, with himself, by the Hudson Bay route. This I greatly pre- fered to the route I came, as less fatiguing, less dangerous, better calculated to restore my debilitated system, and much more likely to afford new, interesting and useful information. The answer was near when I left and was to be brought me by a man who was to overtake us the second day, but by mistake he sent it to my house, hence I did not get it till my return. The Dr. could not grant my request, and expressed himself "doubly mortified" ; because he could not do me the favour, and should also be deprived of my company. Such was my aversion to this route and so great were my fears that the fatigue would be too much for my strength that I inclined to stay at home, if the Dr. gave a negative answer, and had determined if that was the case, to abandon the trip to Umpqua, for the present, and return and prepare communications, and not go to the U. S. myself. Hence I was greatly disappointed at being kept in suspense so long, but it was no doubt Provi- dential. On my return finding I could not go with the Dr. and feeling very much fatigued from the immediate effects of my journey and rather leaning to the opinion that it was hardly justifiable, for me to leave my post without permission from the Board, unless there was a prospect of benefiting my health (the opinion of most of the Brethren to the contrary notwithstand- ing). I endeavored to persuade myself that it was not duty to go, under existing circumstances, and tried to compose my- self to represent the circumstances and wants of the Mission as well as I could by writing. The time previous to the depart- ure of the express was too limited to do anything like justice to the subject and indeed, there seemed to be several things
