Page:Poetical Works of John Oldham.djvu/122

'And now 'tis time I should instructions give,
What wiles and cheats the rabble best deceive.
Each age and sex their different passions wear,
To suit with which requires a prudent care:
Youth is capricious, headstrong, fickle, vain,
Given to lawless pleasure, age to gain;
Old wives, in superstition overgrown,
With chimney-tales and stories best are won;
'Tis no mean talent rightly to descry,
What several baits to each you ought apply.
The credulous and easy of belief
With miracles and well-framed lies deceive;
Empty whole Surius and the Talmud; drain
Saint Francis, and Saint Mahomet's Alcoran;
Sooner shall popes and cardinals want pride,
Than you a stock of lies and legends need.
'Tell how blessed Virgin to come down was seen,
Like playhouse punk descending in machine;
How she writ billet-doux, and love-discourse,
Made assignations, visits, and amours;
How hosts, distressed, her smock for banner bore,
Which vanquished foes, and murdered at twelve score.
Relate how fish in conventicles met,
And mackerel were with bait of doctrine caught;
How cattle have judicious hearers been,
And stones pathetically cried Amen!
How consecrated hive with bells was hung,
And bees kept mass, and holy anthems sung;
How pigs to the rosary kneeled, and sheep were taught
To bleat Te Deum and Magnificat;
How flyflap of church-censure houses rid
Of insects, which at curse of friar died;
How travelling saints, well mounted on a switch,
Ride journeys through the air, like Lapland witch;
And ferrying cowls religious pilgrims bore,
O'er waves without the help of sail or oar.
Nor let Xavier's great wonders pass concealed,
How storms were by the almighty wafer quelled;