"The K. of K."
SMOKER'S COMPANION
Comprising two pipes, cigar holder, cigarette holder, pipe cleaner, patent lighter, smoker's knife, pouch with silver plate for monogram, match box, and burning glass. All compactly contained in crocodile leather case.
Price Three Guineas.
Should be in every officer's kit.
HAMMERSTEIN AND PUMMELOFF.
Genuine Offer to all Soldiers on Foreign Service.
Superb Boudoir Grand Pianos
At 25 per cent. reduction.
Will just fit into a Bell tent.
With removable legs.
Can be also used as a bed or a billiard table.
The Combined
REVOLVER, FLASK & TIN-OPENER.
Occupies no room. Invaluable in Camp and Action.
Price £10.
Should be in every knapsack.
GNU-BOOT-EASE.
The invaluable Remedy on Long Marches.
One Shilling per packet.
Should be in every Soldier's knapsack.
To all who are going to the Front.
Don't start without one of
DIPPER'S PANDEMONIUM GRAMOSCOPES.
Enlivens the Bivouac. Promotes Optimism.
Price, during continuance of hostilities, 50 gns.; with special truck, 250 gns.
THE A1 PORTABLE KITCHENER.
With this compact and serviceable rango a delicious hot meal can be cooked in a few minutes in whatever way is wished—by roasting, boiling, baking or grilling.
Total weight, 8 lbs.
Price Four Guineas.
Should be in every Soldier's knapsack.
THE "ROBERTS" TOILET SET.
Comprising 1 bottle refreshing dentifrice, 1 cake scented soap, 1 bottle Eau de Cologne (warranted made in England), 1 tube face-cream. Neatly packed in art case.
One Guinea.
A Charming Present for our Brave Lads or the French.
The
"IAN HAMILTON" SHOULDER BALM.
For bruises caused by recoiling rifles.
5s. Tins at half price to every bonâ-fide soldier.
No knapsack should be without it.
Important Notice.
Messrs. PUDELHEIMER and JOSKINS, the Famous Art Dealers,
Offer their Entire Stock of Horrifying Post-Impressionist and Futurist Pictures and Sculpture
To Officers serving Abroad or on Home Defence.
No reasonable offer refused.
No enemy can stand against them.
The Gorey Gallery, Bond Street.
Jane's uncle—Jane is my daughter—came to me one day and said, "What do you think of my giving Jane a camera for her birthday? Wouldn't she be pleased? The advertisement says, 'Any babe can do it,' and she'll be ten."
"I have no doubt she'd be delighted," I said, "but there's a but. If you give it you must endow it."
"What do you mean?" said Jane's uncle.
"The camera's the least part of it," I replied. "For half-a-guinea you can cast a camera upon the world, but have you given a moment's consideration to that camera's means of support? No, I thought not. One more proof of the happy-go-lucky spirit of the present day. Yet you know that a camera has to be fed on plates, that it consumes quantities of poisonous acids, and expresses itself on reams of paper. It is altogether a desperate and spendthrift character. On whom do you suppose the cost of all this will fall?"
"On the employer, I should think," said Jane's uncle. "Doesn't Jane get pocket-money?"
"Threepence a week," I said. "Barely her share of the camera's insurance stamp. Jane being under age, any debts she may incur will devolve on me, and I am really not in a position to take on this responsibility. No, I repeat, if you give it you must endow it."
Jane's uncle meditated. Then he said, "Very well, I'll endow it to the extent of £1 a year, to be paid in quarterly instalments of 5s. each."
Jane was delighted with the scheme. She had never had five shillings to spend before, and was enthralled to find that it would buy not only paper and poisons and plates, but also a mackintosh coat for her camera. Then she took snapshots indoors and outdoors, at all times and in all weathers, with catholic indifference to subject and suitability.
"The book says one has to learn by experience," she said, showing me a pile of under-exposures. "This one of you is very good—the only pity is that I didn't get your head into the photo." This was one of many small details.
Jane looked forward feverishly to the payment of the second instalment.
"You'll have to put it by," I said. "You have plenty of paper and things left, haven't you?"
"Yes, but I want a dormouse."
"Oh, but that wouldn't be legal," I said. "That would be a misappropriation of trust funds."
"What’s that?" said Jane.
"Well," I said, "don't you see that the money's given to endow your camera, and must be spent on that camera and nothing else?"
"But there's nothing more to get for it," urged Jane.
"That the money must accumulate interest until there is," I said.
Woman have no heads for the law. I could not make Jane see that to buy a dormouse with the funds of the camera would be an irregular and punishable proceeding. Finally, in despair, I had to promise to ask her uncle if he would recognise the application of one quarter's payment to the purchase of a dormouse. He acceded to the somewhat unusual request with his customary good-nature.
"But remember," I told Jane, "the next instalment must be spent on the camera."
Slowly but surely, however, the camera fell into disuse. I was asked more rarely, and more rarely still, to look through prints. At last I was asked no more.
Then the third instalment arrived.
"You want some more paper and things by now, I suppose?" I said encouragingly.
"The light hasn't been good lately," said Jane evasively. "I've not been taking many photos."
"Then what are you going to do with the money?"
"Ask Uncle if I may buy a stamp-album."
*****
Shortly after this, Jane's uncle's birthday came round. I passed a shop in the City which had recently had a fire. Five hundred silver cigarette-cases had been pluckily rescued from the flames and, to celebrate their escape, were being offered for sale at a remarkably low figure. One of these survivors was dispatched to Jane's uncle.
He dined with us the next evening, and was more grateful than I could reasonably expect. He handled the cigarette-case quite fondly.
"But what about its endowment?" he asked.
"What do you mean?" I said.
"Well, isn't a cigarette-case as eligible
