CHARIVARIA.
"The enemy is not yet subdued," announced the Kaiser in his New Year's address to his troops. It is gratifying to have this rumour confirmed from a source so unimpeachable.
⁂
Prince Buelow is finding himself de trop at Rome. "Man wants but little here, Buelow," he is being told.
⁂
"Stick it!" it may be remembered, was General von Kluck's Christmas message as published in a German newspaper. The journal in question is evidently read in Constantinople, for the Turks are now stated to have sent several thousand sacks of cement to the Egyptian frontier with which to fill up the Suez Canal.
⁂
After all, it is pointed out, there is not very much difference between the reigning Sultan of Turkey and his predecessor. The one is The Damned, and the other The Doomed.
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With reference to the "free fight" between Austrians and Germans in the concentration camp at Pietermaritzburg, which Reuter reported the other day, we now hear that the fight was not entirely free. Several of the combatants, it seems, were afterwards fined.
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The latest English outrage, according to Berlin, was done upon the German officer who attempted to escape in a packing-case. It is said that he has been put back in his case, which has been carefully soldered up, and then as carefully mislaid.
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Another typical German lie is published by the Frankfurter Zeitung. Describing the First Lord this sheet says:—"Well built, he struts about elegantly dressed..." Those who remember our Winston's little pork-pie hat will resent this charge.
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An awfully annoying thing has happened to the Vossische Zeitung. Our enterprising little contemporary asked three Danish professors to state in what way they were indebted to German science, and they all gave wrong answers. They said they were also indebted to English science.
⁂
"HOUNDS IN A WORKHOUSE."
Daily Mail.
It was, of course, inevitable that the hunts should suffer through the war.
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The Evening Standard has been making enquiries as to the effect of the War on the membership of the various Clubs. The report from the Athenæum was "The War has not affected the club at all." Can it be that the dear old fellows have not heard of it yet?
⁂
"Business as usual" is evidently Paraguay's motto. They are having one of their revolutions there in spite of the War.
⁂
The Tate Gallery authorities have now placed the pictures they value most in the cellars of that institution, and the expression on the face of any artist who finds his work still on the wall is in itself a picture.
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Gallant attempt by a member of the British Expeditionary Force to do justice to all his New Year's gifts.
Famous Lines.
"After plying regularly for nearly twenty-five years between Vancouver, Victoria and the Orient, the last few months of excitement must have brought back to the memory of her old timbers—if they happen to be sentient, as Kipling would almost have one believe—the famous line, 'One crowded hour of glorious life is worth a cycle of Cathay.'"
News-Advertiser (Vancouver, B.C.)
"P. B.—It is a pleasure to read your stirring lines entitled 'To Berlin'l they possess the twin merits of being vigorous and timely. We should make an alternation in title, calling them simply 'To Berlin.'"
Great Throughts.
No, don't thank us. Our advice is always at the disposal of young writers.
ENGLISH LINES FOR ENEMY CALENDARS.
For the Kaiser—
Hath thee in thrall."
For the Emperor of Austria, after the rout in Serbia—
Quoth little Peter, king."
For the Commander of the Western Campaign—
There's none so far as Calais."
For General Von Moltke (retired)—
When a new plan is forced into his ken."
For the Sultan of Turkey—
Something better than his dog, a little dearer than his horse."
For the Imperial Chancellor—
WAR ETIQUETTE.
Answers to Correspondents.
Materfamilias (Manchester).—No, it is not necessary for you to wear a dressing-gown for dinner out of compliment to your wounded guests' pyjamas; if you wear your best tea-gown they will not know the difference.
Sweet and Twenty (Surbiton).—I do not think your mother could object to your tucking up your charming wounded officer for the night as long as you don a Red Cross cloak over your evening attire. It is not usual to kiss these wounded heroes unless you or they are under seventeen or over seventy.
Veronica (Veutnor).—I think the right size of photograph for your second cousin to take with him to the Front depends on its subject: cabinets are usual for dogs, horses and female first cousins; carte size for parents and male relatives; but from the tone of your letter and from the face that you are only his second cousin, I think there are but two alternatives: boudoir size, or a dainty miniature in a leather case for the pocket, such as can be obtained at Messrs. Snooks for the modest sum of ten guineas.
"Germans and Austrians at Loggerheads."
Daily Paper.
Another of these Polish towns.
