others did? – To which, with the utmost integrity of heart, the true dictates of which I now express, I can answer, that being but young, not then sixteen years of age, and sent out under the immediate care and protection of Captain Bligh, it being my first voyage to sea, it occurred to me he would have thought me too inexperienced to judge for myself in an affair of such moment, and have ordered me to accompany him, which I certainly would have done if he had sent to me to do so, notwithstanding the idea I was so strongly impressed with, that a miserable and untimely end would have been the consequence, which I firmly believed, at that time, must inevitably have been the fate of all those who went in the launch. Thus circumstanced, therefore, and being convinced that it was only compulsion, which caused some of the officers to go in the boat, and not any wish of their own that had influenced them; I thought it would be something like an act of suicide on my part to go in her voluntarily, by being in some measure accessary and consenting to my own death, which I supposed must have taken place if I had gone, either from the savage fury of the natives on shore, or from the dangers that awaited the launch from so long a voyage as she must have made to arrive at the nearest civilized settlement.
“Though I did not request any of the persons to whom I communicated my intentions of remaining in the ship to inform Captain Bligh of my determination, yet it is natural to suppose,, that some one or other of them, if asked by him concerning me, when in the boat, would have told him my reasons for remaining behind[1].
“I do most solemnly declare, that, during the whole time I was upon deck, I was in nowise accessary to, or aiding in any respect whatever in the most trivial act tending to mutiny, or mutinous proceedings, either in word or deed, nor in any shape advise or encourage any other person whatsoever so to do – but, on the contrary, it was my most ardent wish that some of those officers who were upon deck would make some endeavour to retake the ship, which if any of them had attempted, I certainly would with the greatest satisfaction, and all the alacrity in my power, have followed their example; yet, I must candidly confess, that as I saw persons so much older and more experienced than myself, quite backward in taking such measures, it made me entertain too mean an opinion of my own abilities, being a mere boy in comparison with them, to have had the presumption to think that any step I could take singly, young as I was, could have had the least shadow of success; although, at the same time, I did hope that my feeble endeavours to assist, when added to their knowledge and experience, if put in force, would have had some effect. I therefore waited in hope and silent expectation, that through their means affairs might have taken a different turn, without shewing any outward appearance of what I so ardently wished; but the boat quitted the ship without any such exertions being made.
“When nearly all the officers and men who went away had got into the- ↑ It is probable that some of those persons informed Lieutenant Bligh of Mr. Heywood’s determination, without stating the reasons he had assigned.
