Q. What was the reason that in those days, a man could put away his wife for pissing the bed, and not for sh———g it?
A. Because he could shute it away with his foot and ly down.
Q. What is the reason now a-days, that men court, cast, marry, and re-marry so many wives, and keep only one in public at last?
A. Because private marriage is become as common as smuggling, and cuckolding the kirk, no more thought of, than a man to ride a mile or two upon his neighbour's mare! men get will and wale of wives, the best portion, and properest person is preferred, the first left, the weak to the worst, and she whom he does not love, he shutes away with his foot, and lies down with whom he pleases.
Q How will you know the bairns of our town, by all others in the kingdom?
A. By their ill breeding, and bad manners.
Q. What is their behaviour?
A. If you ask them a question in civility, if it were but the road to the next town, they'll tell you to follow your nose, and if ye go wrong curse the guide.
Q. Are young and old of them no better?
A. All the odds lies in the difference, for if you as a child to whom he belongs, or who is his father, he'll tell you to kiss his father's a—.
Q. What sort of creatures is kindliest when they meet?
A. None can exceed the kindness of dogs when they meet in a market.
Q. And what is Collie's kindness there?
A. First, they kiss others mouths and noses, smell all about, and last of all, they are so kind as to kiss other below the tail.
