omnipotent Loue, how nere the God drew to the complexion of a Goose: a fault done first in the forme of a beast, (O Ioue, a beastly fault: ) and then another fault, in the semblance of a Fowle, thinke on’t (Ioue) a fowle-fault. When Gods haue hot backes, what shall poore men do? For me, I am heere a Windsor Stagge, and the fattest (I thinke) i’th Forrest. Send me a coole rut-time (Ioue) or who can blame me to pisse my Tallow? Who comes heere? my Doe?
M.Ford.
Sir Iohn? Art thou there (my Deere? )
My male-Deere?
Fal.
My Doe, with the blacke Scut? Let the skie raine Potatoes: let it thunder, to the tune of Greenesleeues, haile-kissing Comfits, and snow Eringoes: Let there come a tempest of prouocation, I will shelter mee heere.
M.Ford.
Mistris Page is come with me (sweet hart.)
Fal.
Diuide me like a brib’d-Bucke, each a Haunch: I will keepe my sides to my selfe, my shoulders for the fellow of this walke; and my hornes I bequeath your husbands. Am I a Woodman, ha? Speake I like Herne the Hunter? Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience, he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome.
M.Page.
Alas, what noise?
M.Ford.
Heauen forgiue our sinnes.
Fal.
What should this be?
M.Ford.
M.Page. Away, away.
Fal.
I thinke the diuell wil not haue me damn’d,
Least the oyle that’s in me should set hell on fire;
He would neuer else crosse me thus.
Enter Fairies.
Qui.
Fairies blacke, gray, greene, and white,
You Moone-shine reuellers, and shades of night.
You Orphan heires of fixed destiny,
Attend your office, and your quality.
Crier Hob-goblyn, make the Fairy Oyes.
Pist.
Elues, list your names: Silence you aiery toyes.
Cricket, to Windsor-chimnies shalt thou leape;
Where fires thou find’st vnrak’d, and hearths vnswept,
There pinch the Maids as blew as Bill-berry,
Our radiant Queene, hates Sluts, and Sluttery.
Fal.
They are Fairies, he that speaks to them shall die,
Ile winke, and couch: No man their workes must eie.
Eu.
Wher’s Bede? Go you, and where you find a maid
That ere she sleepe has thrice her prayers said,
Raise vp the Organs of her fantasie,
Sleepe she as sound as carelesse infancie,
But those as sleepe, and thinke not on their sins,
Pinch them armes, legs, backes, shoulders, sides, & shins.
Qu.
About, about:
Search Windsor Castle (Elues) within, and out.
Strew good lucke (Ouphes) on euery sacred roome,
That it may stand till the perpetuall doome,
In state as wholsome, as in state’tis fit,
Worthy the Owner, and the Owner it.
The seuerall Chaires of Order, looke you scowre
With iuyce of Balme; and euery precious flowre,
Each faire Instalment, Coate, and seu’rall Crest,
With loyall Blazon, euermore be blest.
And Nightly-meadow-Fairies, looke you sing
Like to the Garters-Compasse, in a ring
Th’expresfore that it beares: Greene let it be,
More fertile-fresh then all the Field to see:
And, Hony Soit Qui Mal-y-Pence, write
In Emrold-tuffes, Flowres purpre, blew, and white,
Like Saphire-pearle, and rich embroiderie,
Buckled below faire Knight-hoods bending knee;
Fairies vse Flowres for their characterie.
Away, disperse: But till’tis one a clocke,
Our Dance of Custome, round about the Oke
Of Herne the Hunter, let vs not forget.
Euan.
Pray you lock hand in hand: your selues in order set:
And twenty glow-wormes shall our Lanthornes bee
To guide our Measure round about the Tree.
But stay, I smell a man of middle earth.
Fal.
Heauens defend me from that Welsh Fairy,
Least he transforme me to a peece of Cheese.
Pist.
Vilde worme, thou wast ore-look’d euen in thy birth.
Qu.
With Triall-fire touch me his finger end:
If he be chaste, the flame will backe descend
And turne him to no paine: but if he start,
It is the flesh of a corrupted hart.
Pist.
A triall, come.
Eua.
Come: will this wood take fire?
Fal.
Oh, oh, oh.
Qui.
Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire.
About him (Fairies) sing a scornsull rime,
And as you trip, still pinch him to your time.
The Song.
Fie on Lust, and Luxurie:
Lust is but a bloudy fire, kindled with vnchaste desire,
Fed in heart whose flames aspire,
As thoughts do blow them higher and higher.
Pinch him (Fairies) mutually: Pinch him for his villanie.
Pinch him, and burne him, and turne him about,
Till Candles, & Star-light, & Moone-shine be out.
Page.
Nay do not flye, I thinke we haue watcht you now: Will none but Herne the Hunter serue your turne?
M.Page.
I pray you come, hold vp the iest no higher. Now (good Sir Iohn) how like you Windsor wiues?
See you these husband? Do not these faire yoakes
Become the Forrest better then the Towne?
Ford.
Now Sir, whose a Cuckold now?
Mr Broome, Falstaffes a Knaue, a Cuckoldly knaue,
Heere are his hornes Master Broome:
And Master Broome, he hath enioyed nothing of Fords, but his Buck-basket, his cudgell, and twenty pounds of money, which must be paid to Mr Broome, his horses are arrested for it, Mr Broome.
M.Ford.
Sir Iohn, we haue had ill lucke: wee could neuer meete: I will neuer take you for my Loue againe, but I will alwayes count you my Deere.
Fal.
I do begin to perceiue that I am made an Asse.
Ford.
I, and an Oxe too: both the proofes are extant.
Fal.
And these are not Fairies: I was three or foure times in the thought they were not Fairies, and yet the guiltinesse of my minde, the sodaine surprize of my powers, droue the grossenesse of the foppery into a receiu’d beleese, in despight of the teeth of all rime and reason, that they were Fairies. See now how wit may be made a Iacke-a-Lent, when’tis vpon ill imployment.
Euans.
Sir Iohn Falstaffe, serue Got, and leaue your desires, and Fairies will not pinse you.
Ford.
Well said Fairy Hugh.
Euans.
And leaue you your iealouzies too, I pray you.
