ample; who so often put me to shame, when I considered the edifying lives they were leading? They were able to do that; why was not I? And have not I myself been able, during my youth and after having arrived at manhood, to keep myself whole months and years free from grievous sin? Have I not often, for vanity’s sake, to adorn my person, to please some mortal, to satisfy my evil desires, nay, to commit a sin, undergone more discomfort, uneasiness, and difficulty than I have ever experienced in keeping the commandments? And in the midst of a Catholic land, the holy sacraments, that were ready for me at any moment, the table of the Lord, the flesh and blood of my Saviour, the merits of His bitter passion and death, which were at my command daily, the many spiritual books that I might have read, the sermons and exhortations that I heard or might have heard: all these were so many powerful means of grace to enable me to keep the commandments all the easier. And if I had not had even one of them, I still had full permission to pray to and call upon my God. This one means was powerful enough to obtain for me the divine assistance and all the graces I needed, according to God’s own infallible promise. Therefore I cannot say that it was through want of means that I failed to gain heaven, and was condemned to this fire.
Which no man or devil could prevent them from using. Ye demons of hell, who have so often tempted me! wicked men, who have so often seduced and led me into sin! are you perhaps the reason why I was unable to use the means appointed me for gaining eternal happiness? But what am I asking? You would rather have been a help to me to that end, if I had been really desirous of it. For your temptations and allurements gave me occasion and opportunity to increase my merit and glory in heaven, if I had only resisted and overcome them, as I might always have done with the aid of God’s grace that was ready for me at any moment. And what then is the cause of my misery? Why am I not in heaven?
They had opportunity enough of using them.
Was opportunity or time wanting to me to use the prescribed means in order to serve God, do good and escape hell? But what beautiful opportunities I have had! All the churches were open to me, inviting me to pray to God, to praise and bless Him. All the confessionals were at my service, exhorting me to enter, and in the spirit of repentance to lay down the burden of my sins. All the bells called to me in the morning to offer the holy Mass to God and to join in the usual devotions. All preachers had
