Had there been no Christian morality established, I am persuaded she
would have lived as if regulated by its principles, so perfectly did they
seem to accord with her disposition. She did everything that was
required; and she would have done the same had there been no such
requisition: but all this morality was subordinate to the principles of
M. Tavel, or rather she pretended to see nothing in religion that
contradicted them; thus she would have favored twenty lovers in a day,
without any idea of a crime, her conscience being no more moved in that
particular than her passions. I know that a number of devotees are not
more scrupulous, but the difference is, they are seduced by constitution,
she was blinded by her sophisms. In the midst of conversations the most
affecting, I might say the most edifying, she would touch on this
subject, without any change of air or manner, and without being sensible
of any contradiction in her opinions; so much was she persuaded that our
restrictions on that head are merely political, and that any person of
sense might interpret, apply, or make exceptions to them, without any
danger of offending the Almighty.
Though I was far enough from being of the same opinion in this particular, I confess I dared not combat hers; indeed, as I was situated, it would have been putting myself in rather awkward circumstances, since I could only have sought to establish my opinion for others, myself being an exception. Besides, I entertained but little hopes of making her alter hers, which never had any great influence on her conduct, and at the time I am speaking of none; but I have promised faithfully to describe her principles, and I will perform my engagement—I now return to myself.
Finding in her all those ideas I had occasion for to secure me from the fears of death and its future consequences, I drew confidence and security from this source; my attachment became warmer than ever, and I would willingly have transmitted to her my whole existence, which seemed ready to abandon me. From this redoubled attachment, a persuasion that I had but a short time to live, and profound security on my future state, arose an habitual and even pleasing serenity, which, calming every passion that extends our hopes and fears, made me enjoy without inquietude or concern the few days which I imagined remained for me. What contributed to render them still snore agreeable was an endeavor
