FACETIÆ.
WHY THEY DO IT.
A barrister was Tupp, Q. C, Of Lincoln's Inn a member : He used to practise equity, As near as I remember. From judge to clerks in common law, All ranks of the profession Combined to sing his praises for The courts' entire session. To show the high esteem of Tupp, I only need to mention, He 'd but to hold his finger up To gain the court's attention. Although I grieve a word to say Of lights of the profession, He fell into a painful way Of digital expression. Instead of laying down the law, Avoiding all commotion, He pointed with his fingers for Additional emotion. He pointed at the walls and floor, He pointed at the ceiling; He frightened the solicitor, And left his junior reeling. He emphasized the least remarks With signs and pokes and fudges, That woke the anger of the clerk, And then awoke the judges'! The chancellor the time perceived Had come for remonstrations : "My learned friend, we 're always grieved To interrupt orations; "But kindly keep your arms in hand, Unless the court permit you. We can't informal motions stand — My goodness! I 'll commit you!" His brother said, " I can't endorse This very stringent ruling; But this I say, and will enforce, This court will stand no fooling." Our learned friend was greatly pained. He answered : " As your Lordship Has not that graceful art attained, — Imaginary swordship, —
I 'II waive my right when I am wroth To wave my arms like rockets, And I 'll address the court with both My hands within my pockets." Envoi. I merely state a platitude, — When once he set the fashion, This academic attitude Became the legal passion. Pump Court. "What do you understand by a ' mortgagee '?" asked the examiner of a youthful aspirant for legal honors. " Is n't it the feminine for 'mortgagor '?" replied the youth, diffidently.
The conspiracy case against the Transcontinental Transportation Company that has been dragging its weary length through the criminal court at Chicago, was enlivened by a momentary gleam of sunshine when Robert Lincoln was called to the stand. "Were you in Chicago in October, 1887?" asked the lawyer. The son of his father pulled his beard, and replied : " Well, really I can't say; that 's the month in which I go fishing, as a rule." This startling admission acted like a bomb in arousing the court. "Sorry, but we can't hear fish stories now," re plied the lawyer, hoping thereby to get on the good side of the judge; but he was mistaken. "I 'll hear most anything," said the judge, "that will enliven this dry and sleepy case. Go ahead with your fish story! " — Boston Record.
Law Professor. What constitutes burglary? Student. There must be a breaking. Professor. Then, if a man enters your door and takes a tendollar bill from your vest-pocket in the hall, would that be burglary? Student. Yes, sir; because that would break me. A long-winded lawyer lately defended a crimi nal unsuccessfully, and during the trial the judge received the following note : " The prisoner hum bly prays that the time occupied by the plea of the counsel for the defence be counted in his sentence."
