Humor of the Bench.
353
a willingness to leave the issue of the pro it 's iteration; it's — well, I 'll use no epithet, phecy to be decided by the event. but it is iteration." Another hardened ruffian, when about to be Another of his capital illustrations of the sentenced, broke out with, " May God strike limits of evidence was the following: "If me dead if I did it!" on which followed a a man," he said to a jury, "goes into the long, solemn pause, the jury wondering and London Docks sober, without the means of everybody expecting some expression of se getting drunk, and comes out of one of the verity or punishment. At last Maule broke cellars wherein are a million gallons of wine, the silence, "As the Almighty has not seen very drunk, I think that would be reasonable fit to interpose," and proceeded to sentence. evidence that he had stolen some of the There was nothing profane in this; it was wine in the cellar, though you could not really a rebuke. But a better version is this : prove that any wine was stolen, or any wine A man tried for stealing a watch was asked missed." if he had any witnesses. He replied that A stupid jury and an ingenious counsel he had none but his Maker, who knew his were engaged in a case of the plainest kind, innocence. The judge, after waiting a few where a previous conviction was proved moments, addressed the jury: "Gentlemen, against the prisoner by the usual certificate the prisoner is charged with stealing a and the evidence of a policeman who had him watch. He calls a witness who does not ap in his charge. The counsel threw doubts on pear; on the other hand, two witnesses saw the certificate and on the policeman's evi him steal the watch." dence, to which the jury seemed to listen. On another occasion he said, en passant, as In his most ironical vein the judge proceeded it were : " One of these defendants is, it seems, to tell them that the certificate by itself was a minister of religion, — of what religion it of course not conclusive; that policemen does not appear; but to judge by his con have often told falsehoods, papers too have duct it cannot be of any form of Christi often been forged, "and, gentlemen, never anity." Here it will be noted there is no forget that you are a British jury, and if rebuke; he simply indicates that the prac you can have a reasonable doubt in your tice does not correspond with the standard minds, God forbid that you should not give the of precept. The whole is coldly judicial, yet prisoner the benefit of it." The j ury, it is said, scathing from its very moderation. were twenty minutes in consultation before A young prosecuting counsel had sat it dawned upon them that the judge had down after concluding his case, which he had been laughing at them. There was much conducted very inefficiently, but with much wit, too, in his definition of imprisonment affectation of knowledge. " Have you any for debt, which he happily characterized as further evidence, Mr. ? " the judge asked. " merely a device for enabling a man to "None, my lord; that is my case." " You pledge the compassion of his friends." surely have other witnesses? " " No, my A jury being about to retire to consider lord," the counsel answered flippantly, " I their verdict, the usual oath was administered don't think more to be necessary." "Then, to the tipstaff, that " they should be kept in sir, I must tell you that you have not proved some convenient place without meat, drink, any ownership in the articles, which, for all I or fire, candle-light excepted, till they had know, may be the property of the prisoner agreed on their verdict." One of the jury himself. Gentlemen, I direct you to acquit." having sent out for a glass of water, a grave This must have extinguished the young representation of the fact was made to the counsel on the spot. To another of the judge, who affected to treat this matter se same class he said sarcastically : " You riously. He had the oath read aloud, then have already read that four times, Mr.
- called for " Lush's Practice."
After some 46 '
