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"LAWYERS are a good deal like baseball play ers, after all." "How so?" "The ones that can't make a hit are put on the bench." —Ex. "YOUR honor," said a lawyer in a recent trial in England, "the argument of my learned friend is lighter than vanity. It is air; it is smoke. From top to bottom it is absolutely nothing. And therefore, your honor, it falls to the ground by its own weight." A GOOD story is related of a juryman who out witted a judge, and that without lying. He ran into court in a desperate hurry, and quite out of breath, and exclaimed : — "Oh! Judge, if you can, pray excuse me. I don't know which will die first, my wife or my daughter." "Dear me, that's sad," said the innocent judge. "Certainly, you are excused." The next day the juryman was met by a friend, who, in a sympathetic voice, asked : — "How is your wife?" "She's all right, thank you." "And your daughter?" "She's all right, too. Why do you ask?" "Why, yesterday you said you did not know which would die first." "Nor do I. That is a problem which time alone can solve." A NORTH CAROLINA lawyer, who was more apt in his similes than perfect in his pronun ciation, recently referring to the classic inci
dent of avoiding a rock to fall into the whirlpool, electrified judge and audience by telling the jury that the opposing counsel, " like the mariner of old, in avoiding 'Squealer' had run squarely into ' Chcrrybobus? " As the jury were not well acquainted with Scylla and Charybdis, his simile went down all right. IN the same State, up to 1868 many offenses were punishable by fine or whipping, at the dis cretion of the Court. Counsel at the Warren bar, who had his client convicted of a bad case of lar ceny, told the Court : " My client is a very poor man, and I hope no fine will be imposed. It will be really a punishment on his poor wife and chil dren, who sadly need every dollar of his earnings. Let the punishment be placed on his back, as he alone is the offender, and he knows that he alone should, in justice, bear the punishment." The client nervously clutched his lawyer's coat-tail : "Good God, Mr. J , don't talk so! It hurts my feelings to hear you."
IN Buncombe Co., N. C., General Edney hav ing had a client convicted of larceny, moved the Court for a new trial, and went out to get his books. While he was gone the Court passed sentence, "39 on the bare back," and the sheriff, taking the culprit out, administered the dose. They had scarcely returned when General Edney came back with a basket of books, and renewed his motion for a new trial. This was too much for his client, who was still rubbing his back. " A new trial is it you want, when I have been already whipped most to death. I have had trials enough — I don't want no more trials in this business." NOTES. A BRITISH magistrate has decided that ricethrowing at a wedding constitutes an assault. Probably then, shoe-throwing must be an aggra vated assault. 43
