46
77/6' Green Bag.
feet resting. high above his head, on a desk. He was saluted, as usual, with "Good morn ing, Sam!" "Judge Smith, if you please, sir," he re sponded with much unction. "Well, Judge Smith. What are you judge of, I'd like to know?" "Judge of the Supreme Court of this State, sir; and I have come to have you qualify me." And, sure enough, he handed over a com mission from the governor, making him a judge of the Supreme Court, to fill a vacancy. The squire adjusted his glasses, read the document carefully, saw that it was genuine, and then, looking his visitor full in the face, he said: "Very well, Judge Smith, I can swear you in, but all h—1 couldn't qualify you." MANY stories are told of the droll humor of the late Judge W. H. Mittenry of Iowa. In sentencing- a pickpocket to the peniten tiary the judge once said: "Young man, this is a heinous crime, a most heinous crime; I would rather be caught at any other crime in the world than picking pockets, unless it be murder. Why, to tell you how I feel about it; if I had stuck my hand in a man's pocket to pick it and he should cut my hand off at the wrist, leaving the severed hand in his pocket, I'd run as fast as my legs could carry me and never even stop to claim the hand." A DAY or two ago, at the Old Bailey, coun sel, who had been prevented by indisposition from being in court when his client was ar raigned, but arrived just when the trial was concluded (luckily, to the satisfaction of the defendant), modestly remarked: "Perhaps I have saved my client from conviction by not defending him." This recalls (says the Pall Mall Gazette) the story of a witty barrister, who was asked on returning from circuit how he had got on. "Well," was the reply, "I saved the lives of two or three prisoners." "Then you defended them for murder?" "No," was the rejoinder, "I prosecuted them for it."
A SUIT was won for a Tennessee railroad corporation under rather peculiar circum stances. A prominent attorney had brought suit for a colored woman for damages caused by killing her husband. The lawyer for defendant felt a good deal of uneasiness for a time about the case, being convinced that the woman had a good case, and would recover a large verdict against his client. Finally he secured a bit of information, and having learned, in the course of a long practice at the bar, that a close mouth is cap ital in the law business, he "lay low." Although he had many conversations with the plaintiff's attorney about the suit, he never hinted that he knew any other facts than those known to the party of the other part. After the plaintiff had given her testimony on direct examination and was turned over for cross questions the wily counsel for the defense asked her: "Hadn't you been married once or twice before you married the man for whose death you have brought this suit?" "Yes, sir; I done been married twict befoah dat," she replied. "What became of your first husband?" "I done got a 'vorce fum 'im." "Where did you get the divorce?" "Fum de Circus Coht, suh." "What 'became of your second husband?" "I done got a 'vorce fum him, suh. Dat's whut corned o' him, de no 'count, low down nigger." "Where did you get that divorce?" "Squiah Cal Kirk done gien hit to me, suh: dat's whah I got hit, an' ef you doan' bleeve me you c'n des go an' look at de re-cord; dat's what you kin!" she replied with defiant confidence. "Squiah Cal Kirk" was a colored justice of the peace, noted for not knowing anything about law, as well as for being somewhat of a wag. The plaintiff's lawyer went out and took something to brace up his shattered nerves.
