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THE GREEN BAG
gifted in the use of a florid and picturesque profanity — a profanity that left nothing to be desired in the choice of expletives or force of delivery. It appeared from the evidence that what the teamster had really done was to give the horse one of his most artistic and terrific "cussings." After hearing the evi dence and the arguments of counsel, and be ing fully advised in the premises, the court found "among other things that said defend ant swore at and used profane language to the horse mentioned in said complaint, but that from the present imperfect state of knowledge of the psychology of the horse or of the workings of the equine mind it does not appear to the court that said horse has suffered any physical pain, mental anguish or humiliation by reason of the profanity heaped upon him; or that said horse in any manner 'kicked' because said defendant swore at him; that under the statute such swearing at said horse did not constitute cruelty to ani mals; and it further appearing to the court that the said horse had no 'kick' coming by reason of his treatment by said defendant, it is thereupon ordered by the court that said defendant be discharged." "I haven't seen your cashier for several days." "No; he's gone out of town." "Gone for a rest, I suppose." "We haven't found out yet whether he's gone for a rest or to escape it." — Philadelphia Record. THE LAWYER. — " Do you want a divorce without publicity?" THE LADY. — " Sir, vou seem to have for gotten that I am an actress! " — Chicago Daily News. A JANITRESS at work in the office of a young attorney, came into his private room to ask advice, saying that she would pay whatever it was worth. After hearing her story of how she had been buying her household furniture on the instalment plan, how she had learned, when too late, that the range would not bake, and how the dealer, refusing to make it "good, threatened to seize everything under his con tracts, the young attorney advised her what
to do, and explained the course she had to follow. The next day her small son came in with the message, — "Maw says yous owes hern forty cents for 'scrubben out,' 'nd says to take what she owes yous for what yous told hern, out o" it, 'nd to guve me the rest." IN Racine's highly amusing comedy, "The Pleaders," a trial scene opens in court — in which, by the way, the prisoner at the bar was a dog that had run off with a roast chicken. Of this especial scene the playwright wittily avails himself to satirize the tedious prolixity of the arguments indulged in by the lawyers of his day. With a view, no doubt, to im parting, alike to his canine client and himself, the highest impression of dignity, the defender of the dog rose slowly and solemnly, oracu larly to open his plea with the words: "Be fore the creation of the world," whereupon the yawning judge cried out imploringly: "Oh, advocate, in God's name, let us skip over to the deluge! " — The Boston Herald. A WITNESS who had given his evidence in such a way as satisfied everybody in court that he was committing perjury, being cau tioned by the judge, said at last: "My lord, you may believe me or not, but I have not stated a word that is false, for I have been wedded to truth from my infancy." "Yes, sir," said Sir William Maule; "but the question is, how long you have been a. widower! " — Chicago Legal News. VAN BUREN was calling upon Kent one day, and found a young man applying for admis sion as a solicitor in Chancery, who was mani festly not "tvithin the rules," but who cited the case of another applicant who had re cently been admitted. "I deny it, sir!" cried the Chancellor. "It is not true. I did not admit him. He broke in!" "Ip yoh husban' beats you, mebbe you kin hab him sent to de whippin'-pos'," said Mrs. Potomac Jackson. "If my husban' ever beats me," said Mrs. Tolliver-Grapevine, "dey kin send him to de whippin'-pos' if dey wants to. But dey'll have to wait till he gits out'n de hospital." — Wash ington Star.
