322
THE GREEN BAG
THE LIGHTER SIDE "Вит, pa, what is an 'idle jest'?" "There are no idle jests, my son; they are all working all the time." — Brooklyn Life. "WHAT reason does he give for not paying his wife alimony?" "He says that marriage is a lottery, and hence alimony is a gambling debt." — Col lier's Weekly. "PooR fellow! Isn't he cross-eyed?" "Yes, but he's a lawyer and you know he's the finest cross-examiner in the starte." AN appeal case was called in the Circuit Court of Alabama, and the judge wishing to know whether or not it was to be tried by a jury asked the plaintiff's attorney if the amount involved was less than twenty dollars. "If your honor please," he replied, "it originally involved a three-dollar heifer calf, now, however, it involves a yoke of steers and two milk cows." A MESSENGER boy had a case against the Elevated Railroad a few months ago, and obtained a prompt settlement. In spite of all that is said about the law's delay and the slowness of great corporations, with their claim departments and law departments, this claim was honored, as one might say, at sight. He was passing under the elevated structure, when a pot of red paint fell from above and landed on his head and shoulders, running down all over his blue uniform. He grabbed the paint pot and went straight up to the claim agent's office, where dripping red paint on the door mat (they would let him come no further into the office) he collected the price of a new uniform in what is believed to be record time. "I — I'VE bought a farm about ten miles out of town," said the man with the black eye, as he entered a lawyer's office. "Exactly — exactly. You've bought a farm and you've discovered that one of the line fences takes in four or five feet of your land. You attempted to discuss the matter with the farmer, and he resorted to arms."
"Yes." "Well, don't you worry. You can first sue him for assault. Then for battery. Then for personal damages. Then we'll take up the matter of the fence, and I promise you that even if we don't beat him we can keep the case in court for at least twenty-five years. Meanwhile, he'll probably hamstring your cows, poison your calves and set fire to your barn, and you can begin a new suit almost every week. My dear man, you've got what they call a pudding, and you can have fun from now on to the day you die of old age." — Central Law Journal. JUST now, when the cry is going up in cities like Boston and New York for more judges, and complaints about the delays of jury cases are loud and emphatic, the following quota tion is not without interest. It is from the second volume of the "Records of the Court of Assistants of the Massachusetts Bay," recently published. "Att a Court, holden at Newe Towne, Octobr 6th, 1634. It is ordered that Ensigne Jennison shalbe ffyned the some of xx* for vpbraydeing the Court with Iniustice, vttering thcis words I pray god deliver mee from this Court professing hee had wayted from Court to Court & could not have iustice done him — &c." SPAIN boasts probably the longest law suit in the world's history. It began (says the Globe) in 1517, and is still sub judice. The case, which concerns a pension, is between the Marquis de Viana and the Count Torres de Cabrera, and the accumulated sum in dis pute would have reached fabulous millions had not four centuries of attorneys, barristers, and court officials taken considerate measures of appropriation to prevent the sum becom ing unwieldy. In 1872 the case was, in the deliberate mind of Spanish jurisprudence, deemed more or less ripe for a decision; but circumstances every year arose which neces sitated its being set back to the year follow ing. The judges, however, have now become apprehensive lest the suit should reach its fifth century, and as this might reflect upon
