548
THE GREEN BAG
SIR HENRY: I believe so. MRS. WELDON: You only believe so! Come. I sit a fact or not? SIR HENRY: Oh yes; certainly. MRS. WELDON: Well, now, will you tell us in what your duties as a governor of St. Luke's Asylum consist? (An embarrassed silence, during which the witness rather nervously adjusts his necktie.) I am waiting, Sir Henry de Bathe, you are not going to let the jury infer that, although a governor of this impor tant asylum, you are unable to give any ac count of your duties? SIR HENRY (after a further pause and almost agitated attention to the ends of his tie) : Well, I—I—look in now and then, you know. MRS. WELDON (with an inflection of consumate irony): You look in now and then! (To the jury.) I hope, gentlemen, you will appreciate the answer of the honorable baronet. Here is a person, who, being governor of a lunatic asylum, signed an order declaring me to be of unsound mind, and yet the only defi nition he can give of his duties is that he "looks in now and then!" (Sir Henry writhes, and the jury smile with a significant air of sympathy, which renders a verdict for the plaintiff a foregone conclusion.) I will close this chapter with an anecdote about another chancellor, Lord Cairns, which illustrates the wide divergency between pre cept and practice. Some years ago I ordered some hosiery of an Oxford Street tradesman with whom I had not previously dealt, and happened to be at dinner when the articles were sent home, was rather annoyed at the messenger refusing to leave them without being paid. The next morning I called at the shop and expostulated at having been treated with what I considered scant ceremony. The proprietor politely apologized, but explained that he always made a practice in the case of a new customer of not delivering goods without payment, and proceeded to support his usage by declaring that it had been enjoined by no less a personage than Lord Chancellor Cairns, who, according to the hosier, had intimated in some case that if tradesmen left goods without waiting to be paid and afterward failed to get
their money, they had only themselves to thank. "I read this," he explained, "in some newspaper, and at once resolved that I would in future act on his lordship's advice, at all events where new customers were concerned. Curiously enough, not long afterward, who should come into my shop but Lord Cairns himself, who ordered some shirts which, when made, were to be sent to his house on South Kensington. Accordingly, when they were ready I sent my man with them, and bearing in mind his lordship's own excellent advice, I told him to wait for the money, which, to tell the truth, I was at the moment rather in want of. My man, accordingly, on delivering the shirts, presented the bill to the footman, re questing that it might be paid. The footman at first seemed disposed to shut the door in his face, but on my messenger declaring that if payment was not made his orders were to take the parcel back, the man departed to consult the butler, who appeared on the scene, bursting with indignation, and ordered my messenger to be off. The man remaining obdurate, the butler departed in hot haste for the steward, or groom of the chambers, who raged even more furiously but to no purpose; my man standing firm. Finally this official departed, and after a short interval his lordship himself appeared, and hectored the man to such a tune that he finally capitulated and left the parcel minus the account. On hearing my man's report of what happened, I wrote a most respectful letter to Lord Cairns, explaining that but for his own advice on the subject I should not have thought of requesting payment at the door; that, moreover, I really supposed (which is true) that he preferred to have this system adopted in his household; concluding with a hope that under the circumstances he would not be offended. However, added the disillusioned hosier, "his lordship took no notice of my letter, and actually kept me waiting two years for the money." Moral: Be chary of judicial precepts, even when they emanate from a chancellor. From " Personalia " by "Sigma" (Copyright, 1903, by Doubleday, Page & Co.).
