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THE GREEN BAG
THE
LIGHTER SIDE
Quandary. — It was an old Virginia judge, who, when the lawyers had summed up for plaintiff and defendant, respectfully charged the jury: " Gentlemen of the jury, if you believe what the lawyers for the plaintiff have told you, you must find for the plaintiff. If you believe what you have heard from the lawyers for the defendant, you must find for the defendant. But if you are like I am, and don't believe a dam word either have told you, I don't know what the hell you will do." Domestic Damages. — In a western town, H. was defending a physician in a suit brought by a negro who wanted damages, his wife having died shortly after an operation. When it came his turn to cross-examine the plaintiff, he asked, " Mr. Wilson, how old was your wife when she died?" "About forty-five, sir." "Been in feeble health a long time, had she not, Mr. Wilson, and cost you a great deal for medicine and help?" "Yes, sir." "You have married again, have you not?" "Yes, sir." "How old is your present wife?" "About thirty-five, sir." "Is she stout and healthy, Mr. Wilson?" "Yes, sir." "Then, Mr. Wilson, will you please state to this jury how you are damaged in this case?" Mr. Wilson could make no answer. The good and true men thought he had made rather a good thing by his bereavement. Drawing the Line. — A well-known judge on a Virginia circuit was reminded very forcibly, the other day, of his increasing bald ness. One of his rural friends, looking at him rather hard, drawled, " It won't be so very long, jedge, fo' you'll hev to tie a string round your head to tell how fer up to wash yer face." Justice by Day. — This is from the pen of Du Query, an eminent Irish barrister, of the generation of John P. Outran. Judge Dey (Day) was holding court in
Dublin, and on account of the business mov ing slowly and the calendar congested, pro posed holding night sessions. No sooner had the proposition gone forth than Du Query penciled the following, and passed it up to the Bench: "Try men by night, my Lord forbear, Think what the wicked world will say. Methinks I hear the rogues declare That justice is not done by Dey." Ho Defense. — When Mr. W. Orison Under wood of Boston was new at the Bar he tried to collect a promissory note in the local Muni cipal Court. It seemed to be a plain case and he was confident of success. Much to his chagrin, however, the judge found for the defendant. With characteristic persistence he appealed to the Superior Court, that jurisdiction of delayed justice. Hoping to expedite a hearing he contemplated filing an affidavit of no defense and moving for a speedy trial, but was somewhat embarrassed by that find ing of the judge below. At last he sought that haven of distressed young barristers, the clerk's office, and approaching the venerable clerk Willard, asked if he thought it would be proper to file an affidavit of no defense in the face of a judgment for the defendant in the Municipal Court of the city of Boston. " I should think that was the best reason for such an affidavit," replied the clerk of the higher jurisdiction. Self-Restraint. — The case of Neuschafer v. Wurst Enk was one in the Gloucester Circuit for services rendered decedent by his daughter. The plaintiff's attorney was having consider able difficulty in drawing from his client a statement of her services to decedent. De fendant's counsel was pleased, and the trial judge, as usual, bored. Suddenly her counsel asked her with some show of anger why she did not respond more fully and clearly to his questions, to which she replied with sweet innocence, " Why, Mr. , you told me not to say any more than I could possibly avoid on the witness stand." Curtain.
