B.C. 45, ÆT. 61
now been torn away. My sad musings were not interrupted
by the business of my friends, nor by the management of public
affairs: there was nothing I cared to do in the forum: I
could not bear the sight of the senate-house; I thought—as
was the fact—that I had lost all the fruits both of my industry
and of fortune. But while I thought that I shared
these losses with you and certain others, and while I was
conquering my feelings and forcing myself to bear them
with patience, I had a refuge, one bosom where I could find
repose, one in whose conversation and sweetness I could lay
aside all anxieties and sorrows. But now, after such a
crushing blow as this, the wounds which seemed to have
healed break out afresh. For there is no republic now to
offer me a refuge and a consolation by its good fortunes
when I leave my home in sorrow, as there once was a home
to receive me when I returned saddened by the state of
public affairs. Hence I absent myself both from home
and forum, because home can no longer console the sorrow
which public affairs cause me, nor public affairs that which
I suffer at home. All the more I look forward to your
coming, and long to see you as soon as possible. No
reasoning can give me greater solace than a renewal of our
intercourse and conversation. However, I hope your arrival
is approaching, for that is what I am told. For myself,
while I have many reasons for wishing to see you as soon
as possible, there is this one especially—that we may discuss
beforehand on what principles we should live through this
period of entire submission to the will of one man who is at
once wise and liberal, far, as I think I perceive, from being
hostile to me, and very friendly to you. But though that
is so, yet it is a matter for serious thought what plans, I
don't say of action, but of passing a quiet life by his leave
and kindness, we should adopt. Good-bye.
