THE
Mostrare in prosince they are intereses deporte
,
A
Speed Madness
A Question of Taste
His job it was shoveling snow
CHE other day on East Thirty-third Street we
By the day with the D. S. C.
were button-holed by a truck driver who said to
At night, to a cinema show,
us hoarsely: "Say, wantá buy a nice lady's fur?”
For diversion and rest went he.
And although we declined, the good news implied
in his question so heartened us that--in our most Ches-
Diversion and rest were complete
terfieldian manner—we replied:
Till a slow-motion movie was shown,
"Sir, although we have no need of the fur which
—with all due respect to you---we believe to have
When, gasping, he sprang to his feet,
been purloined, we are gratified to know that it has
Then collapsed in his seat with a groan. belonged to a nice lady. Such are the reputed rewards
of feminine frailty, and such the innuendoes of cynics
His collapse was no puzzle to me,
in this our city, that one is at times almost tempted
For the motion when movies go slow to misdoubt the character of some who wear furs. In
Is speed of a dizzy degree
this instance, it is tonic tidings to learn that the former
To professional movers of snow.
owner of this fur was above reproach. We are up-
--A. H. Folwell lifted as was once Mark Twain, upon being offered
- Pure Bees' Honey.
"Or, if, sir, we have misunderstood you, and what The Laud Will Provide you mean to indicate is that in your opinion we are the sort of individual who would buy a fur only for a OBILIZED press agentry is prepared to dem- nice lady,—although we shall not buy the fur, we as- sure you that you are a sound judge of our character. an organization composed of gentlemen who ply -L. H. the infamous trade of making other people famous, promises to pluck some primrose by the river's brim Jottings About Town (the Bronx River) and turn it into an orchid lady by intensive applications of limelight. By BUSY BODY Substituting the familiar Jane Doe for the name NEW apartment said to have cost over ten thou- of the selected victim, the various steps in the proposed campaign follow: dam Avenue. 1. Jane Doe Elopes with Peggy Joyce's Husband -Can't Tell Which One Until Peggy Completes Judging from the number of people seen sitting Check-Up about hotel lobbies, a lot of folks in town aren't very 2. Jane Doe Shoots Craps With Hughes on State punctual. + Department Steps. 3. Prince Accused of Mashing-Jane Doe Has The fire engine was out on Third Avenue Tues- Wales Arrested. day. 4. Young Actress Bathes in Synthetic Gin—Sooth- ing for Nerves, Jane Doe Avers. Some Broadway restaurants are keeping open as S. Lends Rockefeller Gallon of Gas-Jane Doe late as one a. m. Aids Oil King as Motor Stalls. 6. Hires Leviathan for Cruise The shops are featuring current - Jane Doe Will Sail Around styles in most everything. Globe Alone. 7. Scorns Heart Balm - Jane A movement is on foot to change Doe Refuses to Sue Scion of the name Fifth Avenue to Fith Wealth. Avnoo. A good many are doing 8. Ibanez and Alfonzo Meet so already Author and Monarch Jane Doe's + Guests. Mrs. Elliott Eckstein of Maple 9. Climbs Cleopatra's Needle- Avenue says her new vacuum Feeds Birds on Top, Jane Doe cleaner is much less work than the Tells Cop old one, as it needs oiling only once 10. Wooed by Napoleon's Ghost every six months instead of twice. -Jane Doe is Emperor's Psychic Bride. If the fortunate young person Bicycles seem to be going out of fashion if our main thoroughfares chosen by the Cheese Club will are any criterion. agree to engage in these trifling en- deavors for publicity, she is as- sured nothing less than a three- Gas stoves are being furnished in years' contract with the Shuberts. some of the more modern flats with- - James Kevin McGuinness Fountain of Youth out extra cost. + + + ܀ Digitized by Google
