did beget within me some desires to reform my vicious life, and fall in very eagerly with the religion of the times—to wit, to go to church twice a day, and there very devoutly both say and sing as others did, yet retaining my wicked life; but withal was so overrun with the spirit of superstition that I adored, and that with great devotion, even all things (both the high place, priest, clerk, vestment, service, and what else) belonging to the church, counting all things holy that were therein contained, and especially the priest and clerk most happy, and without doubt greatly blessed, because they were the servants, as I then thought, of God, and were principal in the holy temple to do his work therein.
17. This conceit grew so strong upon my Spirit that had I but seen a priest (though never so sordid and debauched in his life), I should find my spirit fall under him, reverence him, and knit unto him; yea, I thought for the love I did hear unto them (supposing they, were the ministers of God) I could have laid down at their feet, and have been trampled upon by them—their name, their garb, and work did so intoxicate and bewitch me.
18. After I had been thus for some considerable time, another thought came in my mind, and that was whether we were of the Israelites or no. For finding in the Scripture that they were once the peculiar people of God, thought I, if I were one of this race my soul must needs be happy. Now again I found within me a great longing to be resolved about this question, but could not tell how I should. At last I asked my father of it; who told me, No, we were not. Wherefore then I fell in my spirit as to the hope of that, and so remained.
19. But all this while I was not sensible of the danger and evil of sin. I was kept from considering that sin would damn me, what religion soever I followed, unless I was found in Christ. Nay, I never thought whether there was such a one or no. Thus man while blind doth wander, for he knoweth not the way to the city of God. (Eccles. x. 15.)
