To argue whether childbirth is a good thing or not, is not our business. He who has established this redemption for the sin of the transgression of purity knew what He was about. And, -pardon me if what I say appears unpleasant to you, -in what you say about the birth of children rendering one more and more nervous, you manifest an unkind, egotistic trait. You do not live to be gay and well, but to perform the work to which you are appointed. This work, besides all the most important concerns of your inner life, consists in helping your husband to advance in the direction of purity, if you are ahead of him in this matter; and, if you have not yourself fulfilled all that is required, in giving to the world other beings who will have the possibility of doing so. Besides, if certain relations do exist between married people, it is obvious that both participate. If one of the two is more passionate, it may appear to the other that he or she is perfectly pure; but this is not correct. I think it is incorrect in your case also. Only your sin is not apparent to you from behind the more perceptible sin of another. If you were quite pure in this respect you would be more indifferent as to where your husband would seek the satisfaction of his passion more indifferent in the sense of being less jealous, -and you would only pity him for his failings; but this is not the case. If you were to ask me for practical advice as to what you should do, I should say: choose the best moment of a pure loving frame of mind in your husband an tell him how oppressive, how painful these relations are to you, and how ardently you desire to free yourself from them. If (as you write) he does not agree with you that purity is good, and insists, then submit, and if you have children, which you should desire, request of your husband freedom during the whole
Page:The Relations Tolstoy.pdf/65
