The Queer Side of Things.
"Umbrellam viridem canis nigri amici mei habes."—Works of Grammarian.
EEING that an economical Mind is by some held to be of all Things the most admirable, and by others the most insupportable; I am well pleased to cast this present Discourse among my Fellow Creatures as an Apple of Discord which shall afford them Matter for Dispute and haply for Fisticuffs in the approaching Festive Season.
My Friend, Peter Clutchpenny, a most worthy Soul, but lately acquainted me that he was a Member of a Club that called itself the Economical Club: "For," says he, "it is composed of Persons of Sense and Calculation that would be curtailing the excessive Expenditure in Sustenance and other Necessaries at this Time prevalent."
With this the good Man, without more Ado, would hear of Nothing but carrying me with him to pass away Christmas with his Club, which, said he, had resolved to make their seasonable Festivities a Monument of Economy for the Admiration of Humanity.
I was for excusing myself, having my Eye upon a fat Goose and some prime Hog-puddings that were exposed by an honest Poulterer hard by, besides a right Plum-Porridge that was promised me by my friend Sir Ogre, by reason of the Delight that had taken him at the reading of my recent Discourse about him; but Peter made great Haste to propound to me the following Enigma:—
"Having my eye upon a fat goose."
"Let me give you to know," says he, "that that while we do indeed consume most homely Fare, yet we are by no Means in the Knowledge of it; but are of a settled Conviction that all the finest Delicacies of the Earth are spread before us: and while we are taking in Nothing but what is of a simple and digestible Nature, we are still convinced that we are most festively laying in a notable Store of Distempers and Indispositions. We will, I warrant you, devour cold Porridge with the Demeanour of a very Epicurus, and toss you down a Thimblefull of cold Water with all the enjoyment of Silenus himself. And you must know that we are able to pursue this Plan (which, by saving no less the Digestion than the Purse, while putting a Man in the Conviction that he is indulging in most ill-advised Excesses, must needs prove of a very abiding Comfort to Mankind) by the means of a surprising Art or Science, but lately come to Light."
When he had made an End of speaking, I was full of a huge Inclination to come at the Interpretation of this curious Enigma; insomuch that I could in no wise abstain from letting this fellow have his Humour, and agreed to wait upon him at the Sign of the "Moor with Three Heads," where his Club
