hear well, and my mind grew unsettled and perplexed. Having rested ill in the night, I slumbered at the sermon, which, I think, I could not, as I sat, perfectly hear.
I returned home, but could not settle my mind. At last I read a chapter. Then went down, about six or seven, and eat two cross-bunns, and drank tea. Fasting for some time has been uneasy, and I have taken but little.
At night I had some ease. L.D. I had prayed for pardon and peace.
I slept in the afternoon.
29, Easter Eve.
I rose, and again prayed, with reference to my departed
wife. I neither read nor went to church, yet can
scarcely tell how I have been hindered. I treated with
booksellers on a bargain, but the time was not long.
30, Easter Day, 1ma mane.
The day is now come again, in which by a custom which
since the death of my wife I have by the divine assistance
always observed, I am to renew the great covenant with
my Maker and my Judge. I humbly hope to perform
it better. I hope more efficacy of resolution, and more
diligence of endeavour. When I survey my past life,
I discover nothing but a barren waste of time, with
some disorders of body, and disturbances of the mind
very near to madness, which I hope He that made me,
will suffer to extenuate many faults, and excuse many
deficiencies. Yet much remains to be repented and reformed.
I hope that I refer more to God than in
former times, and consider more what submission is
due to his dispensations. But I have very little reformed
my practical life; and the time in which I can
struggle with habits cannot be now expected to be
long. Grant, O God, that I may no longer resolve in
vain, or dream away the life which thy indulgence gives
me, in vacancy and uselessness.
