Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 1.djvu/444

rub upon another? The barber answered, that though the benefice was but small, the incumbent was very rich." How the plague can that be?" Why, please your reverence, he buys up frizes, flannels, stockings, shoes, brogues, and other things when cheap, and sells them at an advanced price to the parishioners, and so picks up a penny. The dean was curious to see this vicar, and dismissing the barber with a shilling, desired the landlord to go in his name, and ask that gentleman to eat a mutton chop with him, for he had bespoke a yard of mutton (the name he usually gave to the neck) for dinner. Word was brought back that he had rid abroad to visit some sick parishioners. Why then, said the dean, invite that prating barber, that I may not dine alone. The barber was rejoiced at this unexpected honour, and being dressed out in his best apparel, came to the inn, first inquiring of the groom what the clergyman's name was who had so kindly invited him; what the vengeance, said the servant, don't you know dean Swift? At which the barber turned pale, said his babbling tongue had ruined him; then ran into the house, fell upon his knees, and intreated the dean not to put him into print; for that he was a poor barber, had a large family to maintain, and if his reverence put him into black and white, he should lose all his customers. Swift laughed heartily at the poor fellow's simplicity; bade him sit down and eat his dinner in peace, for he assured him he would neither put him, or his wife, or the vicar in print. After dinner, having got out of him the history of the whole parish, he dismissed him with half a crown, highly delighted with the adventures of the day.

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