- vine fire kindles in my heart, and I long to call the lingring
battle on. Satan hath been busy with me since I saw you, especially since my retirement on ship-board. I have often thought of the folly of those, who go out of the world to avoid temptation. Satan now buffets me more than when confined in a ship. I receive this as a great mercy at the hands of the Lord to keep me in action, and to prepare me for greater tokens of his love. Before I am exalted, I am always humbled by some inward trials. They are the most soul-grieving, but they are the most soul-improving conflicts. My dear friend, I can say from my heart, "I am the chief of sinners:" I feel myself so wretched and miserable, so blind and naked in myself, that satan would tempt me to write to no one. But the Lord hath rebuked him, and after a long tedious hour of temptation, fills my soul as it were with marrow and fatness, and maketh my pen the pen of a ready writer. Oh that my mouth was filled with his praise! As yet, blessed be God, in my darkest hours my evidences have not been in the least clouded. I have been assured my Lord hath forgiven all my iniquities, transgressions and sins, but I cannot forgive myself. Oh that I should ever offend against such dying love! Pray for me, my dear brother, pray for me, that I may never by pride or sloth tempt the blessed spirit to depart from me. I fear not falling finally; for God I believe chose me in Christ before ever the earth and the world were made, as a vessel of his saving mercy; but I fear I shall provoke him to let me fall foully, and then how will the Philistines rejoice? This consideration sometimes makes me to wish that the Lord would cut off my strength in my journey, and shorten my days. But wherefore do I fear? Ah me of little faith! You see, my dear friend, how freely I have unbosomed my heart to you. I cannot call you my friend, and yet hide from you God's dealings with my soul. Salute all that love our Lord Jesus in sincerity, and beseech them to pray for your sincere friend, but the most unprofitable of his dear Lord's servants,
G. W.
