they would go away having no hope whatsoever for him; now he was a monk who was very precious in their sight. And from Pentecost, when the brethren were in the habit of relaxing their severe rules of life, and when they ate freely—now because of his fall that monk did not act thus—onwards, throughout the whole year until the feast of unleavened bread, he prayed with tears, and he vexed sorely the life of his flesh, and was crucified with Christ. But on the eve of the [day of] the Resurrection, at the rejoicing of the holy First Day of the week, he took a new lamp, and trimmed it ready for lighting, and he set it in a new vessel likewise, and covered it over, and being unable to stand up in prayer, he said, “O Thou Merciful One, Who desirest that the Barbarians and all the people who are without God should have knowledge of Thee, and should turn to Thee, and Who alone art the true Physician of souls, have mercy upon me, for I know that I have made Thee wroth not a little. I have obeyed the Enemy even to my death and, behold, I am a dead man. O Thou Who didst teach the children of men who were not merciful to shew mercy to each other, O have mercy upon me! For unto Thee nothing is impossible, even though I be brought down as as low as the dust in Sheol. But Thou art the Lord of Thy hosts, and Thou art He Who is good unto those whom Thou hast fashioned, and Thou art He who shall raise up the dead bodies [of those who] have no being, and Who shall make them to have being in the Day of Resurrection; answer Thou me because my heart and my body are sick, for I am overcome by the fear of Thee and am ready to perish, and I cannot live any longer. And, because as yet I have no confidence in [my] repentance, a twofold destruction have I in my despair. Show compassion upon me, O Merciful One, and kindle this lamp by Thy light, so that I by means thereof may receive the encouragement of Thy mercy, and may pass the remainder of my life which Thou wilt bestow upon me in the way which shall please Thee, and may never again as long as I live be unmindful of the fear of Thy Commandments.”
And he said these things with tears on his face, and he rose up to see if the lamp had been lighted, and he uncovered it, and saw that there was no light in it. Then he fell upon his face as he had done before, and he besought the Lord frequently, saying, “O Lord, Thou knowest that the strife hath taken place and that it is ended, and Thou wilt not require especially that I should be disgraced by crying out with the wicked, and that I should suffer torture for ever. Have mercy then upon me, and I will confess Thy goodness; I have been
