Himself to us from a new side when we seek Him with all our soul.
I had been thinking much about God, about the essence of my life, and, as it seemed, only to feel doubtful as to both the one and the other; and I questioned the evidence of His exist ence. And then, not long ago, I simply felt the desire to lean myself upon faith in God, and in the imperishable ness of my soul; and to my astonish ment I felt such a firm, quiet assurance as I had never felt before. So that all the doubts and testings evidently not only did not weaken, but to an enor mous extent confirmed my faith.
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One should never go to God, as it were "on purpose": "Now let me just go to God. I will begin to live ac cording to God. I have been living ac cording to the devil ; let me now try to live according to God; who knows — perhaps no harm will come of it. . . ."
There is harm in this, and great harm. Coming to God is something like getting married: one should do it only when one would be glad not to come to Him, or not to get married, but cannot help doing so. And there fore it is not that I would tell a man: "Go purposely into temptations"; but to him who formulates the question thus: "Well, and is it certain that I2
