(The Judge having by this time transferred his admiration to Plaintiff, directs the Usher to take the note from 1st Bridesmaid and hand it to Plaintiff, who reads it, kisses it rapturously, and places it in her bosom.)
Chorus of Bridesmaids.
Comes the broken flower, &c.
Judge.
Oh never, never, never, since I joined the human race,
Saw I so exquisitely fair a face.
The Jury (shaking their forefingers at him).
Ah, sly dog! Ah, sly dog!
Judge (to Jury).
How say you, is she not designed for capture?
Foreman (after consulting with the Jury).
We've but one word, my lord, and that is—Rapture.
Plaintiff (curtseying).
Your kindness, gentlemen, quite overpowers!
The Jury.
We love you fondly, and would make you ours!
The Bridesmaids (shaking their forefingers at Jury).
Ah, sly dogs! Ah, sly dogs!
The Jury (shaking their fists at Defendant).
Monster! Monster! dread our fury!
There's the Judge and we're the Jury.
Come substantial damages!
Substantial damages!
Damages! dam——
Usher.
Silence in Court!
Recit.—Counsel for Plaintiff.
May it please you, my lud!
Gentlemen of the jury!
With a sense of deep emotion,
I approach this painful case;
For I never had a notion
That a man could be so base,
Or deceive a girl confiding,
Vows, etcetera, deriding.
All.
He deceived a girl confiding,
Vows, etcetera, deriding.
See my interesting client,
Victim of a heartless wile!
See the traitor all defiant
Wear a supercilious smile!
Sweetly smiled my client on him,
Coyly woo'd and gently won him.
All.
Sweetly smiled, &c.
Swiftly fled each honeyed hour
Spent with this unmanly male!
Camberwell became a bower,
Peckham an Arcadian Vale,
Breathing concentrated otto!—
An existence à la Watteau.
All.
Breathing concentrated otto! &c.
Counsel.
Picture, then, my client naming,
And insisting on the day:
Picture him excuses framing—
Going from her far away;
Doubly criminal to do so,
For the maid had bought her trousseau !
All.
Doubly criminal, &c.
Counsel (to Plaintiff, who weeps).
Cheer up, my pretty—oh cheer up!
Jury.
Cheer up, cheer up, we love you!
(Counsel leads Plaintiff fondly into Witness-box, he takes a tender leave of her, and resumes his place in Court.)
(Plaintiff reels as if about to faint.)
Judge.
That she is reeling
Is plain to me!
Foreman.
If faint your feeling
Recline on me!
She falls sobbing on to the Foreman's breast.)
Plaintiff (feebly).
I shall recover
If left alone.
All (shaking their fists at Defendant).
Oh perjured lover,
Atone! atone!
Foreman.
Just like a father
I wish to be.
Judge (approaching her).
Or, if you'd rather
Recline on me!
(She jumps on to Bench, sits down by the Judge, and falls sobbing on his breast.)
Counsel.
Oh! fetch some water
From far Cologne!
All.
For this sad slaughter
Atone! atone!
Jury (shaking fists at Defendant).
Monster, monster, dread our fury,
There's the Judge, and we're the Jury!
Oh, gentlemen, listen, I pray,
Though I own that my heart has been ranging,
Of nature the laws I obey,
For nature is constantly changing.
The moon in her phases is found,
The time and the wind and the weather,
The months in succession come round,
And you don't find two Mondays together.
Consider the moral I pray,
Nor bring a young fellow to sorrow,
Who loves this young lady to-day,
And loves that young lady to-morrow.
Bridesmaids (rushing forward, and kneeling to Jury).
Consider the moral, &c.
You cannot eat breakfast all day,
Nor is it the act of a sinner,
When breakfast is taken away,
To turn his attention to dinner;
And it's not in the range of belief
To look upon him as a glutton,
Who, when he is tired of beef,
Determines to tackle the mutton.
But this I am willing to say,
If it will appease her sorrow,
I'll marry this lady to-day,
And I'll marry the other to-morrow!
Bridesmaids (rushing forward as before).
But this he is willing to say, &c.
