"ONCE I WENT."
A PARODY.
Once I went to Long Island City, prepared to take the train for Jamaica, Babylon, Islip, Oakdale, Bayport, Patchogue, Moriches, and the Hamptons.
I had with me all things which could combine to conduce to my comfort. These are the things I never forget.
Soon I sought out the parlor-car porter—ebon-visaged, gold-capped:
"O official of the Long Island Railroad, O man, O black brother, the best seat for me, and there, take my bag, umbrella, hot-water tin, overcoat, and goloshes."
I had with me all things which could combine to conduce to my comfort. These are the things I never forget.
Soon I sought out the parlor-car porter—ebon-visaged, gold-capped:
"O official of the Long Island Railroad, O man, O black brother, the best seat for me, and there, take my bag, umbrella, hot-water tin, overcoat, and goloshes."
That one flew, flat-footed. I followed. The crowds observed me.
I entered the car, and selected someone else's place by the window.
Assured of my comfort, shortly the train started.
Oh, Hunter's Point! Oh, flat and uninteresting landscape! Oh, Newtown Creek! Oh, hell! oh, smell! who can describe you, nose-absorbing, resistless?
I entered the car, and selected someone else's place by the window.
Assured of my comfort, shortly the train started.
Oh, Hunter's Point! Oh, flat and uninteresting landscape! Oh, Newtown Creek! Oh, hell! oh, smell! who can describe you, nose-absorbing, resistless?
I might have slept, but the newsboy, vociferous, importunate, entered:
"Here you are! All the latest magazines—Harper's, Scribner's, The Century, Lippincott's, Frank Leslie, The Cosmopolitan, The Ladies' Home Journal, Puck, Judge and Life, Town Topics—just out."
I hated that newsboy ardently. The dust blew in my face, a cinder got in my eye, the window shut on my thumb, the train stopped at other stations than mine.
But now I know it was all for the best, for had I not these discomforts endured, I should not have written this song, and what would you have done then?
"Here you are! All the latest magazines—Harper's, Scribner's, The Century, Lippincott's, Frank Leslie, The Cosmopolitan, The Ladies' Home Journal, Puck, Judge and Life, Town Topics—just out."
I hated that newsboy ardently. The dust blew in my face, a cinder got in my eye, the window shut on my thumb, the train stopped at other stations than mine.
But now I know it was all for the best, for had I not these discomforts endured, I should not have written this song, and what would you have done then?
A.D. AND C.D.