KIBITZ.
There was once a poor peasant named Kibitz, who, though but little favoured by fortune, enjoyed nevertheless more contentment and satisfaction than many of his more prosperous neighbours; his chief maxim was to make the best that he could of every thing; and, if affairs proceeded untowardly, to hope that they might take a turn for the better, without vexing himself unnecessarily. One day as he was ploughing his little field with his two oxen, he thought that he heard some one call him, and looking round perceived that it was a bird which repeated his name several times; it being the kibitz or pewit, whose cry resembles the sound of its own name. The simple clown, conceiving that the bird was mocking him, felt provoked, spite of his usual good-nature, and took up a heavy stone to fling at it; the bird, however, flew away, very leisurely while the stone falling, unluckily, upon one of his oxen, killed it on the spot. This was a terrible misfortune for Kibitz; yet there was no means of restoring the dead animal to life, so thinking that its yoke-fellow would be but of little service by itself, he, without more ado, killed the other also, then flaying them both, carried the hides to a tanner, in order to make thereby some little trifle in return for the heavy loss he had sustained.
When he arrived at the tanner’s, finding that no one seemed very anxious to answer his knocking, he peeped in through a casement, and perceived that the good man’s wife was cramming a gallant into a chest, in order to conceal him from her unwelcome visitor. Master Kibitz was not altogether so displeased at this scene, as the tanner himself would have been, for he shrewdly thought that he might turn it to his own advantage. In a little while the dame opened the door, and hearing his errand, informed him that her husband was absent, and that she could not transact the business on which he was come. Kibitz said that she need not refuse him, for though she had no money, yet he would be contented with that old lumber chest which stood in one corner, and it would be an excellent bargain for her. To this proposal the dame demurred, as may well be supposed: Kibitz insisted upon having it, saying, that it was the best bargain she could possibly make, while she as resolutely refused to comply; for it is in vain to offer the most advantageous bargains in the world, if people are so blind to their own interests as to refuse them. In short, they quarrelled so loud and so long about the matter, that the tanner himself returned, in the midst of the affray, and so settled the dispute by insisting upon his wife’s complying with their customer’s whim, and letting him have the old worm-eaten chest; heartily glad to obtain the two hides so cheaply, and at the same time considering Kibitz to be a very great blockhead. The latter, therefore, obtained his wish, in spite of the good wife’s exclamations and opposition, and hoisting his prize into a cart which he had brought with him, drove off towards his home. He had not proceeded far, however, before the inhabitant of the chest, who conceived himself not to be included in the purchase, took care to let him know that he was carrying away more than he had any right to, and to entreat therefore, that he would let him out. This, however, was a proposal to which Kibitz was but little disposed to accede: he set about proving formally, according to the best logic he was master of, that in purchasing the chest, he had also purchased him. The gallant finding himself driven to extremity, and thinking it hopeless, immured as he was, and with very little breath to waste upon words, to think of refuting an adversary who could give his lungs full play, fairly surrendered at discretion, and was permitted to march out, on giving up all his valuables and money. As it so happened, the latter was a very considerable sum, sufficient to purchase several pairs of oxen, instead of those which the countryman had lost.
Kibitz now returned home quite rich; and his neighbours being informed of the excellent bargain he had made by his hides, killed their oxen also, and took their skins to the same tanner. But instead of obtaining as much as they expected, they were informed that Kibitz had gotten only an old chest, hardly worth a single hide. Hereupon supposing that they had been maliciously imposed upon by him, in order that they might be induced to kill their cattle, they determined upon putting so envious a fellow to death. Fortunately our good Kibitz received some information of their designs: for a long time he was puzzled in contriving some stratagem whereby to defeat their murderous intent; and, at length conceiving that his poor wife would be quite inconsolable at being left a widow, he generously resolved to spare her this exceeding affliction. He told her, therefore, that he had a mind by way of frolic, to let her wear the breeches for once in her life; and accordingly ordered her to dress in his clothes, and go and work in the garden. Like an obedient spouse, accustomed to humour all her lord’s whims, however extravagant they might be, the poor woman complied. The wicked neighbours shortly after came, and finding her digging in the garden, they fell upon her and put her to death; then immediately fled, satisfied that they had revenged themselves on Kibitz.
Our friend Kibitz, in the mean while, was too overjoyed at the singular success of his stratagem, to have much time to bewail his wife. On the contrary, he thought that she might even yet prove of some service to him; he therefore took her, and having dressed her in her ordinary attire, put a basket of flowers in her hand, and seated her by the road side as if she were offering nosegays for sale. Presently a stately equipage passed by, and the lady who was in the carriage, being smitten with the beauty of the flowers, ordered one of her lacquays to enquire the price. This he did several times, but receiving no answer, and therefore supposing that she was asleep, he shook her somewhat rudely in order to wake her. Instantly she fell down into a deep ditch, Kibitz having taken care to place her in a ticklish situation; and he, being on the watch, now rushed out upon the fellow, exclaiming, that he had killed his wife, and protesting that he would accuse all of them of murder. The lady alarmed at the accident, and the unpleasant circumstances in which she might be involved, offered, by way of pacifying him, to give all the money she had about her, and also a fine horse, upon which a groom was mounted. Kibitz protested that he had lost the best wife in the world, yet he was far from bearing malice, seeing that the lady was heartily sorry for what had happened, and would therefore comply with her request, out of pure good nature. So filling his pockets, and mounting on his steed, Kibitz set off home, well pleased with his own prudence and ingenuity.
As he passed through the village, every one looked out to see who it should be was mounted on so fine a horse, but how great was their astonishment, at perceiving that it was Kibitz, whom they thought they had fairly killed. But though at first somewhat alarmed, conceiving it to be his spirit, on finding that it was really himself, they determined to get rid of him at all events; and in order to do so the more effectually, seized hold of him, and shut him up in a large cask, in which they resolved to throw him into the sea. All now seemed to be over with poor Kibitz: his good fortune appeared quite at an end, chance and good-luck, however, often effect escapes that prudence cannot contrive. The stars had decreed that Kibitz should be prosperous.
It so chanced that in their way to the sea they passed by an ale-house, and considering that Kibitz could hardly run away while imprisoned in the cask, they left it standing in the road, while they went in to refresh themselves with a draught. No sooner did Kibitz find himself alone than he began to consider how he might best avail of those few precious moments, in order to regain his freedom. At almost the very same instant, he heard a flock of sheep pass by; upon which he began to cry out, “I will not be chosen burgomaster. I am determined not to be a burgomaster.” The shepherd astonished at his exclamation, went up to the cask and questioned him as to the cause of his being there. “Friend,” replied Kibitz, “according to an ancient and singular custom of our town, whoever is chosen burgomaster, is borne in procession by the inhabitants of our town, in this cask. I am appointed to this honour; but am by no means ambitious of it.”—“How!” exclaimed the shepherd with astonishment, “are you in earnest, when you say that you do not wish for the honour? I would then that it were some other person’s good-luck to be chosen burgomaster.” “Well then, my honest fellow, do but let me out of this cask, and take my place as quickly as you please.” This was no sooner said than done: and Kibitz being extricated himself, inclosed the ambitious clown in his new shell, in which he was to be hatched into a burgomaster; then thinking that the poor sheep would be at a loss for want of a master, or if left there might fall into worse hands than his own, he determined at once to drive them home.
On returning from the tavern, the boors began to roll the cask on again, in spite of the cries of the unfortunate shepherd; and at length, fairly plunged it into the water.
Satisfied that they had now got for ever rid of Kibitz, they were returning very leisurely to the village, but how extreme was their surprise, on suddenly meeting him, not only quite safe and sound, but driving a fine flock of sheep.
“Is it possible Kibitz, that it is you?” exclaimed they altogether, concealing their vexation as well as they could.
“Aye, even so, my kind and worthy neighbours. I perceive your astonishment; you are doubtless much surprized to see these sheep, but I will explain the whole business. You noticed the white foaming spray when you plunged me into the water? Now you must understand, that there is a little enchantment in the case, for—thanks to the violence with which you soused me in, the cask broke, and on my catching at the foam, it turned to sheep, and very fine sheep they are—many thanks, therefore, to you; and to prove to you, my gratitude, I would advise you, one and all, to enrich yourselves in the same manner.”
No sooner had they heard this, than each determined forthwith, to make the experiment, after having before them such a convincing proof of its success. Away, therefore, they scampered back to the water: the foremost jumped in at once, the others directly after him; but although they made foam and froth enough with their plunging about, no sheep appeared; on the contrary, they buffetted each other about in the water at such a rate, that they were all drowned. Thus did Kibitz safely rid himself of all his envious neighbours at once, and thereby render himself master of the whole village.
END OF THE SECOND VOLUME.
G Schulze, Printer,
Poland Street.