Preparation for death/XXI. THE UNHAPPY LIFE OF THE SINNER, AND THE HAPPY LIFE OF THE SAINT
CONSIDERATION XXI
The unhappy life of sinner, and the happy life of the saint
"There is no peace, saith the Lord, unto the wicked." Isa. xlviii. 22.
"Great is the peace that they have who love Thy law." Ps. cxix. 165.
First Point.
ALL men in this life weary themselves to find peace the merchant, the soldier, and he who has a lawsuit they all try to find peace, thinking that by winning that gain, obtaining that post, gaining that lawsuit, to make a fortune, and thus to find peace. Poor worldly ones, who seek peace in this world, which cannot give it to them! God alone can give us peace, as the Church prays, " Give unto Thy servants that peace which the world cannot give." No; the world with all its riches cannot satisfy the heart of man, because man was not created for these riches, but for God alone; therefore it is God alone that can satisfy him. Animals are created for the delights of sense only; these find then: happiness in earthly things. Give a horse a bundle of grass; give a dog a piece of flesh; they are both content they desire nothing more. But the soul which is created to love and to be united to God alone, will never be able to find peace in all the pleasures that sense can give. God alone can render it truly happy.
That rich man whom S. Luke records, whose ground brought forth plentifully, said within himself, "Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years, take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry." (S. Luke xii. 19.) But this unhappy one was called a fool; and with reason, as S. Bernard observes. " Hast thou the soul of a hog?" " Ah, wretched one," exclaims the saint, " perhaps thou art like a beast, so that thou canst be satisfied with eating, with drinking, with sensual pleasures? " S. Bernard observes, that a man may be filled with the good things of this world, but not satisfied. The goods of the world are apparent goods, and therefore cannot satisfy the heart of man. " Ye eat, but ye have not enough." (Hag. i. 6.) And for this reason, the more the avaricious man acquires, the more does he seek to acquire. S. Augustine observes, that increased riches do not close, but rather extend, the jaws of avarice! When Alexander the Great had acquired many kingdoms, he wept, because he could conquer no more.
If the riches of this world could satisfy a man, the rich and those who govern, would be fully happy; but experience teaches us the contrary. Solomon observes the same thing, even he who asserts that he never denied his senses one thing. " And whatsoever mine eyes desired I kept not from them." (Eccles. ii. 10.) But notwithstanding, what does he say? "Vanity of vanities; .... all is vanity." (Eccles. i. 2.) As if he had said, all that is in the world is mere vanity, deceit, and folly.
Affections and Prayers.
Ah, my God! what is there remaining to be of all the offences I have committed against Thee, but trouble, bitterness, and the feeling that I deserve hell? The bitterness which I feel does not displease me; nay, it rather consoles me, for it is the gift of Thy grace, and causes me to hope, since Thou dost give it to me, that Thou art willing to pardon me. That which does displease me, is the bitterness I have caused Thee, my Redeemer, Thou who hast loved me so much. My Lord, I deserved to be left by Thee then; but, instead of leaving me, Thou dost offer me pardon; nay, Thou art the first to ask for peace. Yes, my Jesus, I would be at peace with Thee, and I desire Thy grace more than any other good. I repent, O Thou Infinite Goodness, for having offended Thee. I would die of grief. Ah, through that love which Thou didst bear for me when dying on the Cross, pardon me, and take me to Thy heart, and change my heart in such a way that I may please Thee in the time to come, as much as I have displeased Thee in the time that is past. For Thy love I now renounce all the pleasures the world can give me, and resolve rather to lose my life than Thy grace. Tell me what I can do to please Thee, for I wish to do it. I care not for pleasures, honours, riches; I only wish for Thee, my God, my Joy, my Glory, my Treasure, my Life, my Love, my All. Give me, Lord, Thy help, in order to be faithful to Thee. Grant that I may love Thee, and then do with me what Thou wilt.
Second Point.
Not only does Solomon exclaim that the riches of this world are vanity which cannot satisfy, but he says that they are pains which torment the mind. " Behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit." (Eccles. i. 14.) Poor sinners! they think to be happy in sin; but they only find bitterness and remorse. " Destruction and unhappiness is in their ways, and the way of peace have they not known." (Ps. xiv. 7.) What peace, what peace! No, saith God, " There is no peace, .... unto the wicked." (Isa. xlviii. 22.) In the first place, sin bears about with it the fear of Divine Justice. If any one has a powerful enemy, he can neither eat nor sleep in peace; and he who has God for an enemy, how can he rest in peace? " but destruction shall be to the workers of iniquity." (Prov. x. 29.) When he who is living in sin feels the earth quake, and hears the thunders roar, Oh! how he trembles? Every leaf that moves affrights him. " A dreadful sound is in his ears." (Job xv. 21.) He is ever flying away without seeing who follows him. " The wicked flee when no man pursueth." (Prov. xxviii. i.) And who pursues him? Even his own sin. After Cain had killed his brother Abel, he said " that every one that findeth me shall slay me." (Gen. iv. 14.) And although the Lord assured him that no one should hurt him: " Therefore, whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold;" nevertheless, Holy Scripture tells us, that Cam ever went from one place to another. Who was the persecutor of Cain but his own sin?
Besides this, sin bears about with it the remorse of conscience, which, like a cruel worm, is ever gnawing. The wretched sinner may seek amusement in various ways at the play, in the dance, at the banquet; but his conscience is ever whispering to him, "Thou art at enmity with God; if thou shouldst die, whither wilt thou go?" The remorse of conscience is, even in this life, a torment so great that some, to free themselves from it, have deliberately deprived themselves of life. Such an one was Judas, who, as we all know, went and hanged himself. It is related of another that, having murdered a child, to flee from the anguish of remorse he took monastic vows; but finding no peace, he confessed his crime to the judge, and was condemned to die.
What is a soul that lives without God? Holy Scripture tells us that it is like a stormy sea. " But the wicked are like the troubled sea, when it cannot rest." (Isa. lvii. 20.) I ask, if some one were taken to a musical festival, or to a ball, or to a feast, and there had to be suspended by the feet, with his head downwards, would he enjoy this amusement? Even such is that man who lives with his soul turned upside down, living in the midst of the riches of this world, but without God. He may eat, he may drink, he may dance, he may wear that rich dress, he may receive those honours, he may obtain this post, that possession; but he will never find peace. " There is no peace unto the wicked." Peace can be obtained alone from God, and God grants this peace to His friends, but not to His enemies.
S. Vincent Ferrer observes, that the riches of this world are external they enter not into the heart. "They are waters which do not enter space, where there is thirst." The sinner may wear a beautiful embroidered robe, he may have a costly diamond on his finger, he may feast according to his desire, but his poor heart will remain filled with bitterness; and therefore he will be, notwithstanding all his riches, pleasures, and amusements, ever restless; and when anything opposes his will, he will become furious and angry like a dog that is mad. When things go wrong with him who loves God, he resigns himself to the will of God, and therefore there is no need for him to quiet himself. The unhappy sinner, serves the devil serves a tyrant who repays him with sorrow and bitterness. Ah, the word of God can never come to fail, which says, " Because thou servedst hot the Lord thy God with joyfulness .... thou shalt serve thy enemy which the Lord thy God shall send against thee, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things." (Deut. xxviii. 47, 48.) What does not that revengeful man suffer, after he is revenged? that dishonest one, after he has fulfilled his design? that ambitious one? that avaricious one? Oh how many there are, who, if they suffered for God that which they suffered to bring themselves to condemnation, would become great saints.
Affections and Prayers.
Oh my lost life, O my God, that I had but suffered the pains in serving Thee which I have suffered in offending Thee. I should, with Thy help, have become in part, worthy of heaven. Ah, my Lord, and wherefore did I leave Thee, and lose Thy grace? for pleasures that are brief and empoisoned, which vanished away ere I possessed them, and left my heart full of woe and bitterness. Ah \ my sins, I detest you, and curse you a thousand times; but I bless Thy mercy, my God, which with so much patience has endured with me. I love Thee, O my Creator and Redeemer, Who hast given Thy life for me; and because I love Thee. I repent with all my heart for having offended Thee. My God, my God, wherefore have I lost Thee? and for what have I exchanged Thee? Now I know the evil that I have done, and I resolve to lose every thing, even life itself, rather than Thy love. Grant me light, Eternal Father, for the love of Jesus Christ; make me feel how very good Thou art, and make me understand how base are the pleasures which the devil presents to me, to make me lose Thy grace. I love Thee, but I desire to love Thee more. Grant that Thou mayest be my only thought, my only desire, my only love. I trust in Thy goodness through the merits of Thy Son.
Third Point.
Therefore, since all riches and pleasures of the world are not able to satisfy the heart of man, who is there that can do so? Even God alone. " Delight thou in the Lord, and He shall give thee thy heart's desire." (Ps. xxxvii. 4.) The heart of man is ever seeking some good that may satisfy it. It obtains riches, pleasures, honours, but it is not content, because these things are finite, and it is created for things which are infinite; but if it finds God, and is united to Him, behold it is quite content nothing more is desired. " Delight thou in the Lord, and He shall give thee thy heart's desire." S. Augustine found no peace when he was leading a life of sensual pleasure, but afterwards, when he gave himself to God, then he confessed to the Lord and said: " Unquiet is our heart, until it rests in Thee." My God, now do I understand that everything is vanity and trouble, and that Thou alone art the true peace of the soul. All things are toilsome, and Thou alone art not. And afterwards he wrote, " What seekest thou, O manikin seeking good things? Seek thou the one good in which are all good things?"
When King David was living in sin, he partook of all worldly amusements, but these amusements whispered to him and said: " David, thou oughtest not to be contented with us no, we are not able to satisfy thee." " Where is now thy God?" Go and find thy God for He alone can satisfy thee; and, therefore, in the midst of all his pleasures, David did nothing but weep. " My tears have been my meat day and night, while they daily say unto me, Where is now thy God?" (Ps. xlii. 3.)
But, on the contrary, how well does God know how to satisfy the faithful souls of those who love Him! S. Francis of Assisi, having left all for God, although he was barefooted and almost dead with cold and hunger, having only a tattered garment to cover him, nevertheless said, " My God, and my all;" thus did he experience, in some degree, the joys of Paradise. S. Francis Borgia, after he became a religious, and was obliged during his travels to sleep upon straw, felt such great joy that he could scarcely sleep. God will never fail in His promise when He says that He will give him who leaves the riches of this world for the love of Him, even in this life, an hundredfold of peace and contentment. "And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit eternal life." (S. Matt. xix. 29.)
Whom, therefore, are we seeking? Let us seek Jesus Christ Who calls us, and Who says, " Come unto Me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (S. Matt. xi. 28.) Ah, the soul that loves God, finds that peace which surpasses all the pleasures and satisfactions which the senses and the world can give. "The peace of God that passeth all understanding." (Phil. iv. 7.) It is true that in this life even the saints suffer, for this earth is a place of suffering, and we cannot be saved without it; but S. Bonaventure observes, that Divine love is like unto honey, which makes the bitterest things sweet and lovely. He who loves God, loves the will of God, and therefore rejoices in spirit although in affliction, for, by embracing it, he knows he is pleasing God. O God, sinners are willing to despise the spiritual life, but without trying it! S. Bernard says, "They see the cross, but they do not see the unction;" they only regard the mortifications which those who love God endure, and the pleasures of which they are deprived, but they see not the spiritual joys with which the Lord caresses them. Oh, if sinners would but taste the peace which that soul enjoys who desires nothing but God! David exclaims, " Oh, taste and see how gracious the Lord is." (Ps. xxxiv. 8.) My brother, begin to make daily meditations. Very often receive the most Holy Communion. Endeavour to leave the world and to be reconciled to God, and you will see that the Lord will comfort you more in that short time which you spend with Him, than the world has ever comforted you with all its amusements. " Oh, taste and see." He who does not taste can never understand how fully God satisfies the soul that loves Him.
Affections and Prayers.
My dear Redeemer, how is it that I have been so blind during the time that is past as to leave Thee, Thou Infinite Good, Thou Fountain of Consolation, for the short and miserable satisfactions of sense! I marvel at my blindness, but much more do I marvel because of Thy mercy which has borne with me for so long with so much goodness. I thank Thee, that Thou makest me now to understand my folly and my great duty to love Thee. I love Thee, my Jesus, with all my soul, and I desire to love Thee more. Increase this desire and this love. Inspire me with love for Thee, Thou Who art infinitely lovely, Who hast done everything to make me love Thee, and Who desirest my love so much. " If Thou wilt, Thou canst make me clean." (S. Matt. viii. 2.) Ah, my dear Redeemer, purge my heart from every impure affection which may prevent me from loving Thee as I ought. I have not the power to make my heart burn with love towards Thee, and to love no other than Thee; it must be through the strength of Thy grace which can do all that it wishes to do. Separate me from all things, drive away from my soul every affection that is not Thine, and make me wholly Thine. I grieve beyond every evil, because of having so often offended Thee as I have done. I resolve to consecrate the life that remains to me entirely to Thy holy love; but it is Thou Who must enable me to do it. Enable me through that Blood which Thou didst shed for me with so much grief and so much love. Let it be to the glory of Thy power to make my heart, which was once filled with earthly affections, now to be consumed with love towards Thee, O Thou Infinite Good.