Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3829/Essence of Parliament
(Extracted from the Diary of Toby, M.P.)
House of Commons, Monday, 16th November.—"Let us think imperially," said Don José in a famous phrase. Just now we are thinking in millions. Suppose it's somewhere about the same thing. Anyhow Premier to-day announced with pardonable pride that we are spending a trifle under a million a day in the war forced upon mankind by the Man Forsworn. To meet necessities of case he asked for further Vote of Credit for 225 millions and an addition of a million men to Regular Army.
Here was a chance for a great speech. Never before had English Minister submitted such stupendous propositions. Some of us remember how, thirty-six years ago, Dizzy, by way of threat to Russia, then at war with Turkey, created profound sensation in town and country by asking for Vote of Credit for six millions. At close of Boer War Hicks-Beach, then Chancellor of Exchequer, launched a War Loan of 30 millions. 'Twas thought at the time that we were going it, taking a long stride towards national Bankruptcy Court. Now it is 225 millions in supplement of a hundred millions voted in August. Moreover, the two together do not carry us further than end of financial year, 31st of March. Then we shall begin again with another trifle of same dimensions or probably increased.
Wedgwood Benn s'en va-t-en guerre.
How Mr. G., had he still been with us, would have revelled in opportunity for delivering an oration planned to scale! How his eloquence would have glowed over these fantastic figures! Herbert Henry Asquith (had he been consulted at the font, he would certainly have objected to useless waste of time involved in a second baptismal name) spoke for less than quarter of an hour, submitting proposals in baldest, most business-like fashion. He wanted the men and he wanted the money too. Fewer words spoken the sooner he would get them. So, avoiding tropes and flights of eloquence, he just stood at Table, a sort of humanized ledger, briefly set forth items of his account, totalled them up and sat down.
Walter Long, following, voiced general dislike for prohibition that keeps War Correspondents out of fighting line in Flanders. Deprecated risk of circulating information useful to the enemy, but insisted, amid cheers from both sides, that there might be published letters from the front free from such danger "that would bring comfort and solate to the people and would do more to attract recruits than bands and flag-parading throughout the country."
Speaking later in reply, Mr. Spenlow Asquith, while sympathising with Walter Long's desire, explained that state of things complained of is entirely due to Monsieur Jorkins Poincaré.
"We are not free agents in this matter," he said. "We must regulate our proceedings by the proceedings of our Allies."
Business done.—Vote of Credit for 225 million and authority to raise another million men for Army agreed to without dissent.
Tuesday.—Lords and Commons united in paying tribute to the life, lamenting the death, of Lord Roberts—"Boss," beloved of the Army, revered in India, mourned throughout the wide range of Empire. Even in Germany, where hatred of all that is English has become a monomania, exception is made in his favour. "There are moments," writes a sportsman in the German Press, "when the warrior salutes the enemy with his sword instead of striking with it. Such a moment came with the death of Lord Roberts."
Speeches in both Houses worthy of the occasion. Brief, simple, genuine in emotion, they were well attuned to the theme. One of the happiest things said was uttered by Bonar Law: "In his simplicity, in his modesty, in his high-minded uprightness, and in his stern detestation of everything mean and base, Lord Roberts was in real life all, and more than all, that Colonel Newcome was in fiction."
Premier proposed that on Monday House shall authorise erection of monument at the public charge to the memory of the Great Soldier. When motion formally put from Chair heads were bared in farewell salute of the warrior taking his rest.
Not the least touching note of eloquence was supplied during proceedings in House of Lords. It was the empty seat at the corner of the Front Cross Bench where on rare occasions stood the lithe erect figure, in stature not quite so high as Napoleon, modestly offering words of counsel.
The Chancellor the Exchequer "in homely character of coalheaver filling bunkers of a battleship."
Business done.—Chancellor of Exchequer, presenting himself to favourable consideration of crowded House in homely character of coal-heaver filling bunkers of a battleship, introduced second Budget of the year. Upon consideration House comes to conclusion that one is quite enough, thank you. Proposals in Supplementary Budget are what Dominie Sampson might, with more than customary appropriateness and emphasis, describe as "Prodigious!" Faced by deficiency of something over three-hundred-and-thirty-nine-and-a-half millions, Chancellor launches War Loan of two hundred and thirty millions and levies additional fifteen-and-a-half millions in taxation.
Items: Income Tax doubled; three-pence a pound added to tea; a halfpenny clapped on price of every modest half-pint of beer consumed.
Wednesday.—Monotony of truce in respect of Party politics varied by wholesome heartening game. It consists of hunting down the German spies and chivying the Home Secretary. Played in both Houses to-night. In the Lords Halsbury attempted to make Lord Chancellor's flesh creep by disclosure of existence of "ingenious system of correspondence" carried on between alien spies and their paymaster in Berlin. Haldane replied that the matter had been closely investigated; turned out there was "nothing in it." Crawford fared no better. Imperturbable Lord Chancellor assured House that the military and civil authorities in Scotland were cognisant of rumours reported by noble Lord. Every case that seemed to warrant investigation had been looked into. Was found that many were based on hearsay. Impossible to find evidence to establish charges made.
Nevertheless, Londonderry, having dispassionately thought the matter over, came to conclusion that conduct of Home Secretary was "contemptible."
This opinion, phrased in differing form, shared on Opposition Benches in Commons. Premier explained that business of dealing with aliens is not concentrated in Home Office; is shared with the War Office and the Admiralty. Of late, on suggestion of Committee of Imperial Defence, there has been established at War Office an Intelligence Department in correspondence with the Admiralty and assured of assistance of the Home Office wherever necessary.
That all very well. Hon. Members and noble Lords in Opposition not to be disturbed in their honest conviction that McKenna is at the bottom of the bad business.
Business done.—On suggestion of Bonar Law and on motion of Premier Select Committee appointed to consider scheme of pensions and grants for men wounded in the war, and for the widows and orphans of those who have lost their lives.
Friday.—Like Marlebook, Wedgwood Benn s'en va-t-en guerre. Has sallied out with a troop of Middlesex Hussars to "join our army in Flanders," where, according to contemporary testimony, once upon a time it "swore terribly." His Parliamentary services, supplemented by the Chairmanship of Committee controlling disposition of National Relief Fund, might seem sufficient to keep him at home. But valour, like murder, will out. So, as old John Willett, landlord of the Maypole Inn, Chigwell, used to say when asked of the whereabouts of his son, "he has gone to the Salwanners, where the war is," carrying with him the good wishes of all sections of House and an exceptionally full knowledge of the intricacies of the Insurance Act.
Many gaps on Benches on both sides. Sark tells me there are seven-score Members on active service at the Front. One of the first to go was Seely, at brief interval stepping from position of Head of British Army to that of a unit in its ranks.
News of him came the other day from Private James White, of the Inniskilling Fusiliers, now in hospital at Belfast. Wounded by fragments of a shell, White lay for an hour where he fell. Then he felt a friendly hand on his shoulder and a cheery voice asked how he was getting on.
It was Colonel Seely bending over him, regardless of heavy shell fire directed on the spot by German batteries. He gave the wounded Fusilier a cigarette, helped him to get up and assisted him to his motor-car, in which he had all day been engaged in conveying wounded to French hospital in the rear.
"He is the bravest man I ever met," said Private James White. "He was as cool as the morning under fire, cheering us all up with smiles and little jokes."
Business done:—Report of Supply.