SMUT
words and music by Tom Lehrer
Smut!
Give me smut and nothing but!
A dirty novel I can't shut
If it's uncut
And unsubt-le.
I've never quibbled
If it was ribald.
I would devour
Where others merely nibbled.
As the judge remarked the day that he acquitted my Aunt Hortense,
"To be smut
It must be ut-
Terly without redeeming social importense."
Por-
Nographic pictures I adore.
Indecent magazines galore,
I like them more
If they're hardcore.
Bring on the obscene movies, murals, postcards, neckties, samplers, stained glass windows, tattoos, anything!
More, more, I'm still not satisfied!
Stories of tortures
Used by debauchers
Lurid, licentious and vile,
Make me smile.
Novels that pander
To my taste for candor
Give me a pleasure sublime.
Let's face it, I love slime!
All books can be indecent books,
Though recent books are bolder.
For filth, I'm glad to say,
Is in the mind of the beholder.
When correctly viewed,
Everything is lewd.
I could tell you things about Peter Pan,
And the Wizard of Oz —
There's a dirty old man!
I thrill
To any book like Fanny Hill,
And I suppose I always will,
If it is swill
And really fil-thy.
Who needs a hobby like tennis or philately?
I've got a hobby: rereading Lady Chatterley.
But now they're trying to take it all away from us unless[1]
We take a stand, and hand in hand
We fight for freedom of the press.
In other words:
Smut! (I love it.)
The adventures of a slut.
Oh, I'm a market they can't glut.
I don't know what
Compares with smut.
Hip, hip, hooray!
Let's hear it for the Supreme Court!
Don't let them take it away!
- ↑ These three lines were replaced in Tomfoolery by:
I love the Bill of Rights with all the fervor I possess,
And when I pray, I always say,
"Thank God for freedom of the press".