III
Before the Pleasure Gardens. Enter Avanti, Koshala, Kanchi, and other Kings
Avanti
Will the King of this place not receive us?
Kanchi
What manner of governing a country is this? The King is having a festival in a forest, where even the meanest and commonest people can have easy access!
Koshala
We ought to have had a separate place set apart and ready for our reception.
Kanchi
If he has not prepared such a place yet, we shall compel him to have one erected for us.
Koshala
All this makes one naturally suspect if these people have really got any King at all—it looks as if an unfounded rumour has led us astray.
Avanti
It may be so with regard to the King, but the Queen Sudarshana of this place isn't at all an unfounded rumour.
Koshala
It is only for her sake that I have cared to come at all. I don't mind omitting to see one who never makes himself visible, but it would be a stupid mistake if we were to go away without a sight of one who is eminently worth a visit.
Kanchi
Let us make some definite plan, then.
Avanti
A plan is an excellent thing, so long as you are not yourself entangled in it.
Kanchi
Hang it, who are these vermin swarming this way? Here! who are you?
Enter Grandfather and the boys
Grandfather
We are the Jolly Band of Have-Nothings.
Avanti
The introduction was superfluous. But you will take yourselves away a little further and leave us in peace.
Grandfather
We never suffer from a want of space: we can afford to give you as wide a berth as you like. What little suffices for us is never the bone of contention between any rival claimants. Is not that so, my little friends?
Song
We have nothing, indeed we have nothing at all!
We sing merrily fol de rol de rol!
Some build high walls of their houses
On the bog of the sands of gold.
We stand before them and sing
Fol de rol de rol.
Pickpockets hover about us
And honour us with covetous glances.
We shake our empty pockets and sing
Fol de rol de rol.
When death, the old hag, steals to our doors
We snap our fingers at her face,
And we sing in a chorus with gay flourishes
Fol de rol de rol.
Kanchi
Look over there, Koshala, who are those coming this way? A pantomime? Somebody is out masquerading as a King.
Koshala
The King of this place may tolerate all this tomfoolery, but we won’t.
Avanti
He is perhaps some rural chief.
Enter Guards on foot
Kanchi
What country does your King come from?
First Soldier
He is the King of this country. He is going to command the festivities.
Koshala
What! The King of this country come out for the festivities!
Avanti
Indeed! We shall then have to return with a sight of him only—leaving the delectable Queen unseen.
Kanchi
Do you really think that fellow spoke the truth? Anybody can pass himself off as the King of this kingless country. Can you not see that the man looks like a dressed-up King—much too over-dressed?
Avanti
But he looks handsome—his appearance is not without a certain pleasing attractiveness.
Kanchi
He may be pleasing to your eye, but if you look at him closely enough there can be no mistaking him. You will see how I expose him before you all.
Enter the trumped-up "King."
"King"
Welcome, princes, to our kingdom! I trust your reception has been properly looked after by my officials?
Kings (with feigned courtesy)
Oh yes—nothing was lacking in the reception.
Kanchi
If there Was any shortcoming at all, it has been made up by the honour of our sight of your Majesty.
"King"
We do not show ourselves to the general public, but your great devotion and loyalty to us has made it a pleasure for us not to deny ourselves to you.
Kanchi
It is truly hard for us, your Majesty, to bear the weight of your gracious favours.
"King"
We are afraid we shall not be able to stop here long.
Kanchi
I have thought so, already: you do not quite look up to it.
"King"
In the meantime if you have any favours to ask of us
Kanchi
We have: but we would like to speak a little more in private.
"King" (to his attendants)
Retire a little from our presence. (They retire.) Now you can express your desires without any reserve.
Kanchi
There will be no reserve on our part—our only fear is that you might think restraint necessary for yourself.
"King"
Oh no, you need have no scruples on that score.
Kanchi
Come, then, do us honage by placing your head on the ground before us.
"King"
It seems my servants have distributed the Varuni spirits too liberally in the reception camps.
Kanchi
False pretender, it is you who are suffering from an overdose of arrogant spirits. Your head will soon kiss the dust.
"King"
Princes, these heavy jokes are not worthy of a king.
Kanchi
Those who will jest properly with you are near at hand. General!
"King"
No more, I entreat you. I can see plainly I owe homage to you all. The head is bowing down of itself—there is no need for the application of any sharp methods to lay it low. So here I do my obeisance to you all. If you kindly allow me to escape I shall not inflict my presence long on you.
Kanchi
Why should you escape? We will make you king of this place—let us carry our joke to its legitimate finish. Have you got any following?
"King"
I have. Every one who sees me in the streets flocks after me. When I had a meagre retinue at first every one regarded me with suspicion, but now with the increasing crowd their doubts are waning and dissolving. The crowd is being hypnotised by its own magnitude. I have not got to do anything now.
Kanchi
That's excellent! From this moment we all promise to help and stand by you. But you will have to do us one service in return.
"King"
Your commands and the crown you are putting on my head will be equally binding and sacred to me.
Kanchi
At present we want nothing more than a sight of the Queen Sudarshana. You will have to see to this.
"King"
I shall spare no pains for that.
Kanchi
Enter Grandfather and a band of people
First Citizen
Grandfather, I cannot help saying—yes, and repeating it five hundred times—that our King is a perfect fraud.
Grandfather
Why only five hundred times? There is no need to practise such heroic self-control—you can say it five thousand times if that adds to your pleasure.
Second Citizen
But you cannot keep up a dead lie forever.
Grandfather
It has made me alive, my friend.
Third Citizen
We shall proclaim to the whole world that our King is a lie, the merest and emptiest shadow!
First Citizen
We shall all shout from our housetops that we have no King—let him do whatever he likes if he exists.
Grandfather
He will do nothing at all.
Second Citizen
My son died untimely at twenty-five of raging fever in seven days. Could such a calamity befall me under the rule of a virtuous King?
Grandfather
But you still have got two sons left: while I have lost all my five children one after another.
Third Citizen
What do you say now?
Grandfather
What then? Shall I lose my King too because I have lost my children? Don't take me for such a big fool as that.
First Citizen
It is a fine thing to argue whether there is a King or not when one is simply starving for want of food! Will the King save us?
Grandfather
Brother, you are right. But why not find the King who owns all the food? You certainly will not find by your wailings at home.
Second Citizen
Look at the justice of our King! That Bhadrasen—you know what a touching sight he is when he is speaking of his King—the sentimental idiot! He is reduced to such a state of penury that even the bats that infest his house find it a too uncomfortable place.
Grandfather
Why, look at me! I am toiling and slaving night and day for my King, but I have not yet received so much as a brass farthing for my pains.
Third Citizen
Now, what do you think of that?
Grandfather
What should I think? Does any one reward his friends? Go, my friends, and say if you like that our King exists nowhere. That is also a part of our ceremony in celebrating this festival.