The Land of Enchantment/The Stories of Ben the Sailorman
O you want me to spin you a yarn about the cannibal pirates, eh, Master Charles? Well, maybe you’ve heard of Pekowchilee in China? No? It’s a town, then, on the lovely Hoang-Kiang River, latitude 22° north, if my memory serves. The ship was the Saucy Susan, and we had aboard a cargo of kites and curious heathen masks, both of which they’re very fond of out there; likewise tusks of ivory, bars of yellow gold, and whopping big ruby gems from the mines of Highlowchoofoo.
“Having dropped down the river, we up with our square sails, and leaving the ‘Flowery Land’ far on our weather bow, made for the Malay Peninsula, the island of Borneo being on our port quarter. Now, off these coasts lie lots of little islands infested with Dyaks. Maybe your ma’s books mention those gentry, Master Charles? No? Well, they’re a set of nasty, thieving rascals—cannibal pirates every mother’s son of them, up to all the dirtiest tricks and dodges. And I’ll tell you their little game, Master Charles. Did you ever watch a spider catch a fly?”
The boy nodded assent.
“Well, these pirates go to work in much the same way. Their web is the wide ocean when a dead calm is on, when the sun blazes down fit to roast you, and the sailors go about a-whistling for a wind. Behind each little island, maybe, there lies hidden a pirate vessel, ready to pounce out on any unfortunate ship that happens to be be calmed. When it comes up with her the crew grab their nasty long knives, and swarm aboard by hundreds, and fifty to one that ill-fated ship is never heard of again.
“Well, something less than a fortnight after leaving the mouth of the lovely Hoang-Kiang, sure enough the wind dropped, and the sails hung limp from the yards. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky; the sun blazed overhead and was reflected from water as smooth as oil.
“‘Ben,’ says the captain, ‘oblige me by going up into the crow’s- nest and casting your eye around.’”
“Why, Ben, were you to look for eggs?” said the wondering Charlie.
“Eggs?” echoed the sailor, with as puzzled a look.
“You said crow’s-nest, didn’t you? But do birds build their nests up the masts of vessels, and did the captain collect eggs?”
Ben’s astonishment subsided into a broad grin.
“Shift your ’el-em, Master Charles, you’re on the wrong tack. There weren’t any poultry aboard the Saucy Susan. The crow’s-nest is what they call the place where the look-out stands, but why it’s so called is more than I can say, and so I won’t deceive you. I climbed the rigging, and was scarcely stowed away before I clapped my eyes on a strange craft creeping out from behind one of the islands, and I sang out, ‘A sail.”
“‘Where away?’ says the captain.
“‘On our starboard bow,’ says I.
“‘Can you make out her rig?’ says the captain.
“‘She’s too far off,’ says I, ‘but if she’s a Christian craft my name’s not Benjamin.’ In another minute I sung out, ‘A sail on the port quarter, sir!’
“‘Glue your peepers to her, Ben, and tell us what she’s like.’
“‘Ay, ay, sir,’ I calls back, ‘my eyes are glued, and she’s so much like the first that you couldn’t tell t’other from which.’ Almost as quick as before, I sung out again, ‘A sail, sir, dead ahead!’
“‘Avast there,’ says the captain, ‘you’re a-seeing too much.’ And up he climbed himself with his spy-glass. He’d hardly got fixed when, ‘Shiver my timbers!’ says he, ‘but you're right, and then he claps his eyes astern. ‘May I never splice the mainbrace again if there aren’t three more of the same gentry. Ben,’ says he, as solemn as a judge, ‘it’s about all U.P. with us.’
“Down we went on deck, and all hands being piped, the captain says, ‘My lads, we're in a tight place, and so I won’t deceive you. There’s three strange craft ahead and three strange craft astern, each one choke full of cannibal pirates thirsting for our blood. They’ll kill us if we don’t kill them. To be cooked and eaten is the least we can hope for; but I mean to do my best to beat them off or die in the attempt, and “England expects that every man this day will do his duty.” Now anyone who's chicken-hearted can leave the ship at once, as there’s only room aboard for heroes.’
“We tars had a word together, and then I spoke up for the lot of us. ‘We're with you, sir, every mother’s son,’ I says.
“‘That’s as I expected, my hearties,’ says the skipper, so “Rule Britannia” and “God Save the Queen”!’
“Well, we had a stiff glass of lemonade all round, which heartened us up, and then we polished the guns and cutlasses while the captain climbed to the crow’s-nest again. When he came down he called me aside, and, says he, ‘Ben, my lad, the heathen will be here in an hour at farthest. There′ll be two hundred fighting men aboard each “pray-you”’ (for so he called their vessels). ‘Six times two makes twelve,’ says he; ‘that is twelve hundred all told, while we muster twenty and a half, taking the cabin-boy as half a man. Now, Ben,’ says he, ‘you’ve got a useful figure-head, and so I put it to you, as between man and man, what’s to be done?’
“‘Sir,’ says I, after studying a couple of shakes, ‘I’ve got an idea which may or may not work, as the case may be, and so I won’t deceive you.’
“‘Out with it, then, my lad,’ says he.
“‘I propose,’ says I, ‘as how all the ruby gems and bars of gold should be piled on deck and polished up like mirrors, and when the sun shines on the glittering heaps I doubt if these cannibal pirates will be able to stand the glare.’
“‘Ben, says the captain, ‘tip us your flipper, for it’s a bright idea.‘
“So we bustled about and hoisted up the yellow bars, and the ruby gems we fetched in baskets, and when! they were all set out twas a sight to make your mouth water.
“Meanwhile the skipper went below, and returned with a parcel. ‘There, my lads,’ says he, ‘there’s blue spectacles; put on a pair, every mother’s son, and then there’ll be no chance of your going blind with the glare.’ So we each of us put one on, and then fell to work with wash-leather and elbow-grease a-polishing like mad.
“By this time the pray-yous were within hail, and I give you my word they didn’t improve on acquaintance. In each vessel were about fifty slaves, all chained together and pulling at the long sweeps.”
“Oh, Ben, were the chimney-sweeps being tortured?”
‘
“The pirates shaded their squinny eyes” (p. 82).
“No, no, Master Charles; sweeps are just very long oars. For the rest, ‘twas as the captain had said—in each ‘pray-you’ were a couple of hundred or more raging savages, as black as your boots, and nearly as naked as when they were born. They had squinny eyes and hair like door-mats, and were armed with nasty, long, sharp knives. We could see the steaming stew-pots aboard them as plain as a pike-staff ready to boil us down to meat jelly.”
Charlie greedily devoured these appetising details. “Oh, Ben, weren’t you awfully frightened?”
“Well, Master Charles, for a moment my heart was in my mouth, and so I won’t deceive you. I heard the cabin-boy a-blubbering, and the skipper himself looked white about the gills; and then a most remarkable thing happened. But where’s that tobacco got to, I wonder?” Ben began a laborious search, first for his coil of pig- tail, and then for his ancient knife, Charlie meanwhile fuming with impatience. With great deliberation a chunk was cut off, eyed with approval, and appropriated in the usual manner.
“Well, Ben?” said Charlie, interrogatively.
“Well, Master Charles, what’s our bearings?”
“Why, Ben, ‘and then a most remarkable thing happened.’”
“Right you are, Master Charles, a remarkable thing did happen. Maybe you've noticed a moth fluttering round a candle?”
“Oh, yes, Ben, yes.”
“Now can you tell me why, I wonder?”
“Because it is attracted by the light.”
“Right you are again, Master Charles. Well, it’s the same with the fishes. When the yellow gold and the ruby gems began a-shining like so many fiery suns, the sharks and the saw-fish, the porpoises and the dolphins, the whales, and all the other leviathans of the deep, came a-crowding round, hustling each other to get nearer to the light. Thousands and thousands of fishes were soon jammed between us and the enemy, so that the ‘pray-yous’ couldn’t budge an inch to get at us, while the pirates shaded their squinny eyes, and even then couldn’t see us for the blinding glare. Where we mariners would have been without our blue spectacles I leave you to judge.
“We now felt a bit more comfortable, and dinner being ready, we fell to with a will on salt junk and plum duff, for after our exertions we were all pretty peckish. By-and-by the captain drew me aside again. ‘Ben,’ says he, ‘it’s getting late, and what shall we do when the sun goes down? I’m a-thinking the cannibal pirates will make short work of us then.’”
“But why should he think that?” said Charlie.
“Well, you see, Master Charles, directly the sun goes down in those parts it is as dark as pitch, there being no twilight, so that the yellow gold and the ruby gems would cease to sparkle, the leviathans of the deep would clap on all sail, and the Dyaks would board us before we could say, ‘Jack Robinson.’
“‘Now, this is what I would suggest,’ says I. ‘There’s lots of lumin- ous paint aboard and plenty of ugly masks. Let us put on the masks, daubed with luminous paint, and if that doesn’t give the heathen a scare, my name’s not Benjamin.’
“‘Ben,’ says the skipper, ‘you’re a man of resource. Shiver my timbers, but it’s a dodge worth trying.’
“So we got the masks out of the hold and fell to work a-painting them. By-and-by, down goes the sun, on go the masks, and then you never saw a frightfuller ship’s crew than we were, each with a face 
“You never saw a frightfuller ship's crew” (p. 82).
like a full moon, or a grinning demon, or, maybe, an ass’s head with enormous ears, or a tremendous nose and eyes as big as saucers. I give you my word, Master Charles, we were almost afraid of each other, and that’s a fact. Then we fell a-groaning, and yelled and screeched, and jumped about.”
“Oh, what fun!’ said Charlie. ‘But what about the pirates?”
“Well, Master Charles, I should think they must have been scared out of their wits. We could hear their cries of horror and the splashing of their oars in their frantic efforts to escape. Then we sent up a few rockets—whisht—and that finished them, for when they saw the long trails of fire, and the stars, as they thought, a-falling down out of the sky, they just skedaddled like mad.”
“But did they come back, Ben?”
“No, Master Charles ; and before morning the blessed breeze began to blow, and the Saucy Susan was soon a-skimming along under sky-scrapers and stun-sails alow and aloft. We saw no more of the cannibal pirates, and had no particular want to. The breeze held, and a few days after we dropped anchor in Singapore Harbour, and jolly glad we were to get there, and so I won’t deceive you.”
What! Another story, Master Charles? Well, I never! Anybody would think I’d nothing better to do than spin yarns to young gentlemen. I’m so clever, am I, and you're so fond of my stories, eh? That’s the way you come round the old sailor. Well, well, then, what shall it be? Suppose I tell you how the Jolly Dogs was wrecked in a hurricane, me and the captain being the only survivors?”
“Oh, Ben, please do,” said Charlie.
The sailor put down one of the nets that seemed to demand so much of his attention, and groping first in one pocket and then another, produced a coil of pigtail tobacco. Again he rummaged the cavernous recesses of his clothing, and brought to light a knife stained with juice, and worn with much service. With great deliberation he cut off a suitable portion, eyed it with satisfaction, and put it in his mouth. “There, now we're all snug and shipshape, we’ll down with the ’el-em, and let her go easy. Well, Master Charles, the Jolly Dogs left Valparaiso with a cargo of eagles, condors, and performing monkeys for Darnwell’s world-renowned menagerie. Maybe your ma’s taken you there, Master Charles?”
“Yes, indeed, Ben.”
“That’s the time of day! It’s well to know something of the chart as we go along. We’d fair weather, and nothing particular happened until we were off the island of Juan Fernandez.”
“What! Robinson Crusoe’s?”’ exclaimed the boy excitedly.
“The very same, Master Charles, and so I won't deceive you. Now, if you remember, he was wrecked in an awful storm. Pacific Ocean some old Johnny named the sea thereabouts, but me and Crusoe found it rather different. It was six bells and my watch. The morning had been close and stuffy, and so hot you could have cooked your bit of steak and kidney on the blazing deck. Now, as my eye swept the horizon, I saw a small black cloud a-coming up; in a couple of shakes ’twas as large as the mainsail, and beneath it the water showed like a white frill. I was that surprised, I just stood and stared. The blackness rose like a great wall, forked lightning darted up and down it, and I heard a loud hissing—’twas a hurricane a-coming up express speed.”
“Oh, Ben, what did you do?”
“Well, Master Charles, for the moment I lost _my head, and I sings out, ‘Man overboard! Breakers ahead! Stop thief!’ My mates came a-tumbling up the hatches, and the skipper, who was having a snooze in his private cabin, rushed out in his pie-jammas. No sooner had he clapped his eyes on the elements than he sings out, ‘ All hands shorten sail immediate!’ I give you my word, Master Charles, the hurricane was upon us before he’d done a-speaking, and the wind did the business, the forestay being blown to ribbons, and the main, main- top, and main to’gallant sails clean out of the bolt ropes, while the Jolly Dogs heeled over, until her scuppers were buried in the water. The ocean was just great mountains of foam, each one ready to topple over on us. And the noise! Well, there! A thousand mad bulls a-bellowing and another thousand ravening lions a-roaring, would give you but a poor idea of it. Add to this the jabber-jabber of the frightened monkeys and screams of the eagles and condors, ‘twas like Bedlam broke loose.
“Then the ship’s head was yawing about, and—come to look—the mariner who was a-steering had been washed overboard. Me and the captain made a rush for the wheel, and, as we did so, the whole Pacific seemingly rose up forrud like a tremendous precipice, and came thundering down on the fo’c’sle. We threw ourselves down, and held on for our lives, and in another minute I thought I was drownded sure-ly, for I was a-wallowing in the ocean. But no, when I managed to fetch my wind, there was the skipper sitting up a-gasping and a-staring with all his eyes, as well he might.”
“Why, Ben, what was it?”
“Well, Master Charles, that big sea had just made a clean sweep of the deck, including fifteen able-bodied mariners, the cook, and the cabin-boy, every mother’s son of them, and me and the captain had it all to ourselves aboard that ill-fated vessel.”
“Oh, Ben, how dreadful!”
“Right you are, Master Charles. Howsomever, we picked ourselves up, lashed ourselves to the wheel, and got her head round so as to run before the wind and avoid the breaking seas. We'd scarcely got fixed before it grew terrible dark, only every now and then the lightning made things as plain as day. Suddenly I sings out, ‘Waterspouts ahead!’
“‘How many of ’em?’ says the captain.
“‘Three,’ says I.
“‘Shiver my timbers!’ says he, all of a tremble, ‘I don’t want them aboard my ship. We ain’t chartered for to carry waterspouts. Ben, my lad, are you a-keeping cool?’”
“‘As a cucumber,’ says I.
“‘Then,’ says he, ‘oblige me by firing the cannon; you'll find her loaded, and don’t miss the spouts, or it’s all U.P.’
“‘Ay, ay, sir,’ says I, and, undoing my lashings, made a bolt forrud. It was dangerous work, but I managed to keep my pins, found the cannon, and, crouching behind the bulwarks, waited for the lightning. It showed the waterspouts just ahead. I whistled once for the captain to port the ’el-em. This brought the spouts into a straight line; then, when another flash came, I sighted the gun, and touched her off for all she was worth. The shot went slap through the three waterspouts one after the other, and down they came a-tumbling harmlessly into the sea. We were saved.”
“Didn't the captain think you very clever?” asked Charlie, with an eye to details.
“Well, Master Charles,” replied the modest Ben, “‘ that’s hardly 
“The first monkey dipped the can into the oil; and passed it to the next …”
for me to say; besides, we were so surrounded. with dangers we'd little time to be a-passing compliments. In dodging the spouts the ship’s head had paid off, and now the masts, which had been a-working loose, suddenly snapped, and went by the board, taking with them all the standing rigging, so there we were, a helpless wreck.
“‘My word!’ says the skipper. ‘We shan’t be long afloat, and so I puts it to you, as between man and man, hadn’t we better quit?’
“‘Sir, says I, after turning things over in my mind, ‘I’ve an idea which may or may not work, and so I won't deceive you.’
“‘Then out with it, my lad,’ says he.
“‘Well, says I, ‘there’s a barrel of petroleum on the deck. Let’s try a-pouring oil on the troubled waters.’
“Says the captain, ‘There’s the oil right enough, likewise the troubled waters; but as I can’t leave the wheel and you can’t do the job alone, it ain’t no manner of use, my lad.’
“That set me a-thinking. ‘Sir,’ says I, ‘they say as how apes are wonderful clever; let’s get them to Jend a hand, and the thing’s done.’
“‘Ben,’ says the skipper, ‘I admire your figure-head, so tip us your flipper; and as to this monkey business, do as you think best.’
“Well, I went below, picked out a score of intelligent apes, stove in the head of the oil cask, took a big can, and showed the monkeys what I wanted done. Don’t tell me, Master Charles, dumb animals have got no reason. Those poor brutes grasped the idea instanter,
… so on up to yours truly, a-squatting on the bowsprit.”
and formed a line, lashing themselves taut with their tails. The first monkey dipped the can into the oil and passed it to the next, and him to the next, and so on up to yours truly, a-squatting on the bowsprit waiting for the seventh wave.”
“Why the seventh?” asked Charlie.
“Because the seventh is always the biggest, but why I can’t rightly say. I could see the waves by their white crests a-gleaming through the darkness, and when the seventh came along I emptied the oil on to it, and I give you my word, Master Charles, the troubled waters quieted down and passed gently under our counter. Meanwhile, the skipper, as it was getting lighter, was busy a-cyphering, and now passed along a written message to me. He’d figured it out that there being forty gallons in the cask, the oil would only last to the 280th wave. ‘We're just past the 275th,’ says he, ‘for I’ve been a-counting them, and what’s to be done now?’”
“‘Hold on,’ says I.
“After the oil gave out, the very next seventh wave—a whopper— struck the vessel a tremendous blow, knocking the rudder clean out of the sternpost, and starting some of the planks, whereby she began to leak badly. Something must be done quickly. The skipper, who had a soft heart, was for giving the poor birds a chance of freedom. So we opened the after hatch, and out they flew. Just as we were a-going to lift the small hatch forrud to free the rest I says to the captain, ‘Sir,’ says I, ‘why don’t me and you follow the fowls of the air?’
“He supposed our troubles had driven me dotty.
“‘Where’s your wings, Benjamin?’ says he.
“‘Under hatches,’ says I, ‘and so I won’t deceive you. There’s just room for the two of us on this here hatch, and we're light-weight for want of victuals; ’twould be holiday work for fifty great strapping birds to take us in tow.’ Says the captain, ‘It’s a dodge worth trying.’ He’d been in the poultry line himself when a nipper had the captain, so he chooses fifty of the finest birds, while I fastened a rope to each of the four corners of the hatch and tied them together. To this we tethered the eagles and condors, seated ourselves, and cast loose. ’Twas not a moment too soon, for as we rose in the air, the Jolly Dogs took a whopping big plunge, and down she sank beneath the billows. ’Twas a narrow squeak for us of a watery grave, Master Charles. How-somever, there we were, and the birds at once steered for home.”
“But how could they know the way, Ben?”
“Ah, just let me ask you a question, Master Charles. How do the fowls of the air migrate without a chart or a compass? Nobody knows, yet they always find their way. I can only tell you that when morning dawned land was beneath us, and we were heading straight for the top of an Andy. There were fields of snow and rivers of ice, and the cold! ‘Twas enough to freeze the marrow in the bones. Says the skipper, a-pointing with his shaky finger, ‘Have we escaped the raging billows only to become frozen meat? If we could shorten sail or pay out the anchor, we’d heave to and ride easy. Benjamin,’ says he, ‘tip us your flipper and good-bye; it’s death or broken legs, but I’m a-going to jump.’
“‘Avast!’ says I. ‘There’s half a chance yet. Do you swarm up the port rigging and I the starboard, and cut away the halyards.’
“Up we went and chopped at the ropes for dear life. Every chop set loose a fowl and reduced canvas, when, instead of rising, we began to sink, until we reached the ground with a bump that knocked all the sense out of us. When we could collect our wits we were alone half-way up the mountain.
“‘Ben,’ says the skipper, in an awesome voice. “‘What cheer, my hearty! Are you dead?’
“Twas glad to hear him pipe up. ‘I’m here, sir,’ says I, ‘least ways, what’s left of me, but I feels as if all my timbers were started, sure-ly.’
“With that we overhauled each other most particular, but found our hulls sound and seaworthy. So after we’d rested a spell, we up anchor and steered for the distant plain, and ’twasn’t long, Master Charles, before we were a-rubbing noses with the friendly natives, with immediate prospect of victualling the ship on turtle soup and roast parrot.”
“Fishing, eh, Master Charles? Well, what sport?”
“Oh, Ben,” said Charlie, “it’s so disappointing! I’d got such a jolly lot of snails, and I wrapped them up in a paper parcel, and tied it tight with string, and carried it ever so carefully; but first one of them managed to crawl out, and then another, and the paper got all slimy and broke. I’d ever such trouble! When I reached the water there were actually only three or four left, so I put them by me in a safe place. Then I got out my line, but ’twas all of a tangle, and by the time I straightened it all my bait had crawled away! I do think snails are the tiresomest creatures, don’t you? But how do you manage them, Ben, because I suppose you’ve done a lot of fishing?”
The old sailor chuckled. “Yes, I’ve done my share, Master Charles, and not all holiday work neither. Seafaring men carry their lives in their hands. While we’re a-fishing for one thing, too, maybe we'll catch another, as a friend of mine told me he did somewhere in the South Seas. Did your ma ever tell you of the Great Sea Serpent? Yes? Well, ’twas him as my friend hooked. He’d put his bit of bait over the side, and was a-waiting for a nibble, as innocent as a lamb, when the reptile happened to come along. In a couple of shakes he’d swallowed hook, and bait, and line, and then he riz out of the ocean as high as the truck of the foremast, with a mane like a lion, and shiny scales like soup plates, and bulging eyes and a forked tongue like a dragon. Well, there! My friend Bill, being a family man, thought it his duty to get under hatches, and had to swallow a stiff glass of ginger-beer to steady his nerves and all. Eh? What became of the snake? Well, that Bill never told me, and so I won’t deceive you. He’d no particular wish, hadn’t Bill, to cultivate its acquaintance. No, most of my fishing has been done without bait, Master Charles, for it ain’t any manner of use to show snails, or, for the matter of that, worms, to a whale— he’d only smile.”
“Why, yes,” said Charlie, reflectively. “I suppose whales are ever so big. I saw the bones of one once, and it must have been a whopper. But how do you catch them, Ben, and what do you do with them after they’re caught?”
“I’ll just tell you about the very first whale as ever I caught, Master Charles, for ’twas an adventure I ain’t likely to forget.”
“Adventure, Ben? Oh, do tell!”
“Well, we'd been a-cruising off the Greenland coast, Master Charles, in the neighbourhood of Scorsby’s Island and Smith’s Sound, when one morning the mariner at the mast-head sings out, ‘There she spouts!’”
“What did he mean?” asked Charlie.
“Why, you see, whales don’t live all their time under water, but have to come to the surface every now and then for a mouthful of fresh air. It’s then they spout or throw up the water from their noses, and that was what this one was a-doing of. The boats were hanging from the davits ready for launching, and in less than no time four of them gave chase. I was in the first along with the mate, who stood in the bows, harpoon in hand, ready to strike when we got near enough. They do tell me that nowadays the harpoon is fired from a gun; so you may lie on your sofy on the quarter-deck a-smoking your weed, and take your fishing easy. But ’twasn’t so when I was a nipper; whaling then was real dangerous work, and no mistake.
“Well, by-and-by we came up with the leviathan, which was having a snooze. The mate took careful aim; away went the harpoon, with line attached, and buried itself deep in the whale. Then the mate 
“He riz out of the ocean” (p. 90).
shouted, ‘Starn all!’ and we mariners backed water for our lives. The monster was off like a flash of greased lightning,: a-doing his forty knots an hour easy, and dragged us along after him. Then suddenly, he seemed to change his mind, for, doubling back, he ran at us with his great mouth wide open.”
“Oh, Ben, what did you do?”
“Well, Master Charles, this being so, overboard I jumped, and only just in the nick of time. I heard a snap, like a million crackers let off, and when I clapped my eyes where the boat had been, she’d vanished, along with the mate and six able-bodied mariners, every mother’s son of them down the whale’s jaws. The leviathan was so busy that he didn’t notice yours truly, and so I quietly swam towards him, and, clambering on his back, held on by the harpoon, which I told you was a-sticking up.”
“But, Ben, wasn’t that a very dangerous thing to do?”
“Right you are, Master Charles, but as I wasn’t a fish, nor exactly partial to sharks, and there was no sail in sight, I thought maybe ’twas the best thing to be done.
“Well, the whale made tracks so fast that it a’most took the wind out of my pipes, but for all that I managed to hold on. I was mortal afraid he’d dive, and wondered whatever I should do if he did. Just as I'd taken as long a breath as I could in preparation, sure enough he dove.””
“Dove?” said Charlie in a puzzled tone. “You mean dived, don’t you?”
Ben glared at this daring interruption. “‘Dove,’ I said, Master Charles, and ‘dove’ I’ll stand by. Now I put it to you, Master Charles, as between man and man, you say ‘drive, drove’; ‘thrive, throve,’ and “strive, strove,’ don’t you? Then why not ‘dive, dove’?”
As Charlie seemed quite unprepared to combat this convincing argument, the old sailor triumphantly continued. “Yes, down that leviathan dove with me on his back a-holding on to the harpoon like grim death.
“Well, we wallowed in the Arctic Ocean until I’d only got half a squeak left in me, but just when I thought I should be drownded sure-ly, an idea flashed across my mind quite sudden-like. Why not make use of the rope a-hanging from the harpoon? I seized hold of it and shot up to the surface, and jolly glad I was to fill my pipes once more with the blessed air. The leviathan kept bowling along a-doing his forty-knot business down below with me in tow at the end of the rope a-floating on my back.
“We kept on this way for ever so long, but by-and-by, to my great joy, I sighted land, and found we were making straight for it. Now, I knew my whale must come up sooner or later to breathe—’twas only a question of time—and so, sure enough, in about a quarter of an hour up he came, close to the shore. I’ve no doubt in my own mind he’d gone a little scranny with fright and pain, and had lost his bearings altogether—anyway, he ran aground. ‘Now,’ thinks I, ‘as this here leviathan seems short of his change, what’s the reason?’ Because, you know, Master Charles, there’s generally a reason for everything. “Maybe it’s dispepsy from swallowing the boat and seven tough mariners ; maybe it’s the iron a-sticking in his wits—if that’s so another inch or two might finish him.’ So I hauled on the slack of the rope and clambered on to his back. Then I got hold of the harpoon, and pulled and hung on to it for all I was worth, and the iron went little by little into him until, sure enough, his flippers ceased to wobble, and he was as dead as a door-nail. He’d stranded on a rocky little island some distance from the mainland, and the question now was—what to do next. ’Twas too far a swim to the distant shore. I must stay where I was until somebody picked me up, unless, meanwhile, I died for want of victuals to keep me a-going, or I perished of cold, for I give you my word, Master Charles, the nights up north are freezers, and no mistake! I thought, too, a Polar bear might chance to come along and want me for his dinner, and so, what with one thing and another, I was feeling rather low, when
“With me in tow at the end of the rope, a-floating on my back” (p. 92).
I says to myself, says I, ‘Benjamin, my son, why not kill three birds with one stone?’”
“How three birds, Ben?”’ asked Charlie.
“Why,” said the ancient mariner, “cold, hunger, and a signal of distress, they were the three birds. You see, I had an idea a-working in my brain, and so I felt in my pockets and brought out my match-box soppy with salt water; then I opened it ever so careful, and turned out the matches one by one. They were as wet as wet, but in the middle of the box, to my great joy, I discovered a solitary match that was fairly dry. Next I cut off an inch or two from the end of the harpoon-rope, separated the strands, found the innermost ones dry, and wrapped them round the match. Then I went to work on the harpoon, and wrestled with it, and lugged and tugged at it, until, just when I was a’most spent, I managed to get it out. Then I peeped into the hole which it had made, and, as I had hoped and expected, saw the sperm oil a-welling up.
“I now took my precious match, and yet was almost afraid to use it, for my life depended on my lighting that there oil! Ah, many’s the match I’ve wasted, Master Charles, and little guessed as I should come to such a pass as Id give the world, if I had it, for just one dry box of them! I dropped down on my marrow-bones, my heart a-beating like one o'clock, and, sheltering the match with my coat as well as I was able, prepared to strike. Suppose it should be blown out? Suppose it wouldn’t light at all? Hardly daring to breathe, with the greatest care I struck; the match burst into flame, and I lighted the oil, which flared up like a good ‘un. ‘Now, Benjamin,’ says I to myself, ‘you won't die just yet awhile of cold or hunger.’ I warmed myself at the blaze and dried my clothes, and then, taking my knife, I cut a nice steak from the carcase of the whale, and this I cooked at the fire, using the point of the harpoon as a toasting-fork. The meat was soon done to a turn, and then I fell to and ate it every bit, for after my exertions I felt pretty peckish, I can tell you.
“By this time ’twas night, and the third bird I'd killed with the one stone—I mean my beacon—blazed up finely. I’d now no fear of bears, or of being froze, so I laid me down where I was for forty winks. Just when I'd got to the thirty-ninth, as it seemed to me, and was dreaming that I was a whale and a-fishing for ships with a rod and line, I heard a hail: ‘Ahoy there, ahoy! Shipmate, what cheer?’
“Opening my eyes, I saw that it was day. I was surrounded by the simple Arctics in their dug-outs, who sat a-staring with all their eyes, as well they might, to see a leviathan of the deep a-burning his own private oil-lamp, and yonder—blessed sight!—was a boat, full of Jack Tars, a-pulling towards me, while a homeward bound ship lay in the offing. They had seen my signal of distress, and had come to rescue me. Yes, Master Charles, I was saved, and I think you'll be ready to admit what I told you when I began this here yarn, that I ain’t likely to forget in a hurry how I went a-fishing for my first whale.”
“Once, when I was a-cruising in the Pacific, Master Charles, the vessel fell a prey to pirates. Me and the rest of the crew fought like wild cats, but ’twas no manner of use, for the odds were six to one. We all got knocked on the head for our pains, every mother’s son, and all but me were chucked into the yawning ocean. They were a-going to serve me the same, but I happened to come to in the very nick of time, for I'd only been stunned. The pirate captain says to me, says he, ‘Ben, my lad, you must join our gallant band, for we are in want of such brave fellows as you,’ says he. ‘We’re free as the air, victuals and drink to your taste, and a fine fortune in prospect. Say the word and your name shall be enrolled on the ship’s books,’ says he, ‘and proud we'll be to have you.’
“Avast,’ I answers him, ‘not me; I may be poor but I’m honest, and so I won’t deceive you; neither do I yearn to have my name enrolled.’
“Well, please yourself,’ says he; ‘it’s that or death by torture!’
“I can’t say my spirits were particularly boisterous on hearing this, but I was as firm as a rock.”
“I think that was awfully brave of you,” said Charlie.
“Well, Master Charles, it’s not for me to say,” replied the modest Ben. ‘Anyway, seeing as how I wouldn’t budge, the skipper fell into a violent rage. First he was for skinning of me, then he’d have me boiled, but at last the worst he could think of was to put me into a leaky boat without any oars and cast me adrift. This being done immediate, the rascals sheered off and left me to my fate, after chucking in their nasty black flag as a parting gift.”
“Oh, Ben, what did you do?”
“Well, Master Charles, that’s just the question I put to myself; says I, ‘My lad, you're like to hop the twig this time and no mistake. The sharks will put you in their larder and feast on pickled Benjamin. You’ve no victuals and too much water, so what’s your little game?’
“I give you my word, Master Charles, I was feeling somewhat down in the dumps at the dismal prospect, when my eye fell on the flag, and down I went on my hands and knees a-feeling careful for the leaks. To my great joy I could only find three, so I up and tore the hateful flag into strips, which I stuffed into the holes, whereby the sea stopped a-coming in. Then I seized the empty locker at the stern of the boat, and fell a-baling like mad, till I managed to clear the craft of water. And now, come to look, the pirates had left the rudder behind, thinking, of course, ’twas useless as I had no oars. In a couple of shakes I un-shipped it, and began to use it as a paddle.”
“Oh, Ben, you were clever! But where were you going?”
“You must ask me another, Master Charlie, for that’s more than I can tell you, but I thought ’twas best to keep a-moving. By the time night fell, I was that spent that I just laid me down in the bottom of the boat and fell fast asleep. When I woke ’twas day, and lo and behold, land was in sight!”
“An island, Ben?”
“Yes, Master Charles, a desert island, and outside it a coral reef. Maybe your ma has told you all about coral insects, Master Charles?”
“Oh, yes, Ben, and they’re wonderful creatures, I know.”
“Right you are, Master Charles, Ar sea-masons they are and no mistake. Well, inside the reef was a lagoon, or kind of bay, and here the water was as clear as crystal. I could see the coral insects a-building down below, likewise rainbow-coloured fishes a-swimming about, to say nothing of the lobsters and turtles. Lovely seaweed waved to and fro, and as to the shells—well, there! I could have spent all my time a-staring at them if I hadn’t had something more important to think about. Beaching the boat, I set out to explore the country. There was a fine stretch of sand, and as I hurried over it, bent on victuals and drink, what should I see but a lot of marks all scattered up and down.”
“The mark of a foot, don’t you mean?” corrected Charlie, thinking, of course, of his favourite Crusoe.
“No, Master Charles,” replied the old sailor, “marks I said, and marks I’ll stand by, but not just ordinary marks! The sight brought me up with a round turn, I can tell you; then with my heart in my mouth I nipped along. It was a palm tree I was a-making for, with big cocoanuts growing on it more lovelier than what you get for ‘ three shies a penny.’ But ’twas easier to reach the palm than to climb it. As I was a-gazing, I clapped my eyes on a great snake up top having a snooze, with his tail hanging down a matter of a dozen feet or so. Without more ado, I laid hold of the slack of the monster’s tail, and began a-swarming up hand over hand.”
“But, Ben, wasn’t that a very dangerous thing to do?”
“Right you are, Master Charles; but when your inside’s a-urging you on so that peck you must, you can’t afford to be particular as to ways and means. I give you my word, Master Charles, that snake was astonished when, peeping over, he clapped his eyes on yours truly. “Burr-r-r-r!’ says I. I was almost sorry for the poor reptile, for he turned pale with fright, and his tail shook so that I had difficulty in holding on. Howsomever, I’d no mind to linger, so I picked about a dozen cocoanuts as sharp as I could and reached the ground again in less than no time. Then I climbed some way up the hill in front of me and fell to on the cocoanuts. They were just lovely, and I managed to put away half-a-dozen of them; then I up anchor, and steered for the top of the hill, thinking that I should be able to ‘view the landscape o’er,’ as the poet says, and so get my bearings. It was such stiff work, however, that soon I had to pay out the anchor and sit down again. ‘Hullo!’ says I to myself, ‘what’s the matter with this here hill?’ for, come to touch the ground, it seemed to me rather hot! I wondered a spell, and then got under way and made another start. Up and up I goes, and by-and-by touches Mother Earth again. ‘Geewilikins!’ says I, ‘the ground’s a-getting hotter!’ Just then I claps my eyes on the top, which had been out of sight before, and I sees blue smoke a-curling upwards. ‘Shiver my timbers!’ says I, ‘it’s a burning mountain!’
“I put a reef or two in my sails, and steered a bit more careful, and after a longish cruise reached the top. ”I was well I was half-speed, or maybe I should have toppled headlong inside the mountain. The hole was big enough, in all conscience. Seeing as how I was there, I kept well to windward and peeped over the edge.”
“Oh, Ben,” said Charlie, “I shouldn’t have done that; I should just have scampered off as fast as ever I could!”
“Well, maybe you would, Master Charles, and small blame to you, when you'd seen the sight I saw!”
“Why, what did you see, Ben?”
“Fire, Master Charles, and plenty of it; but it wasn’t so much that as made me stare with all my eyes. Now, if you'll just overhaul your memory, Master Charles, you’ll call to mind the marks I told you I saw in the sand.”
“Yes, Ben, yes.”
“Well, then, now I saw them as made those marks, Master Charles, a-moving about in the fire.”
“Ben!” exclaimed the boy, his eyes wide open with astonishment. “What were they? Oh, do tell!”
The ancient mariner lowered his voice to a hoarse whisper: “Salamanders!”
“Eh? What?” asked Charlie, almost speechless.
“Did you never hear tell of salamanders, Master Charles—creatures that live in the fire? Yes, there they were, salamanders and salamanderesses, and plenty of them.”
“Dear Ben, whatever were they like?”
“Well, Master Charles, I was somewhat dazed with the light, and so I won’t deceive you, but it seemed to me that they were yellow, and blue, and red, just the colours of the flames, and with tails like scorpions; they were dancing and prancing about like as if it were a free-and-easy. To tell the truth, I didn’t much care to linger, in case I should be seen and the pleasure of my company requested; so, clapping on all sail, I steered for the sandy beach. I didn’t stop there neither, but launched the boat and cruised along shore till I reached the opposite side of the island. I landed on the coral strand, and here I determined to lay by, as I thought ’twas too rocky a place for salamanders. If you'd like to know my opinion, Master Charles, as between man and man,” said Ben confidentially, “it’s this: though salamanders live chiefly in the fire they enjoy sometimes a bracing sea bath by way of a pick-me-up, and the sandy beach as I just told you of happened to be their bathing place. Anyway, I saw no more of those gentry, and, for the matter of that,~I didn’t want to.
“On this side of the island I discovered a pool of boiling water, which I found most handy for cooking the lobsters and turtles I caught. A little way up the mountain, where the earth was comfortably warm, I made me a little house of piled-up stones, and there I took my snoozes. I'd now a state-cabin all to myself, likewise could victual the ship handsome; I was governor over a whole island, and yet I wasn’t happy, but cast about how I might get away, the loneliness preyed so on my spirits. At last, one fine morning, I couldn’t stand it any longer, but made up my mind to skedaddle, so, filling my boat with cocoanuts and boiled lobster, I embarked upon the unknown ocean.”
“Oh, Ben, weren’t you afraid?” asked Charlie.
“No, Master Charles, for seafaring men mostly carry their lives in their hands. But Iwas in luck this time, for, two days after, I was
“I found most handy for cooking the lobsters and turtles I caught” (p. 98)
sighted by her Majesty’s cruiser Blunderbuss and taken on board; and none too soon, as I’d finished my last cocoanut.
“‘Admiral,’ says I to the captain. ‘you see before you a poor unfortunate mariner.’ ‘Belay,’ says the skipper, ‘isn’t your nameBenjamin?’ ‘Admiral,’ I answers him astonished, ‘Benjamin it is, and so I won’t deceive you.’ ‘Then, Ben, tip us your flipper,’ says he, ‘and glad I am to see you, my hearty, safe and sound.’”
“So you knew each other, did you, Ben ?”’ said Charlie.
“Well, Master Charles, I can’t exactly charge my memory with knowing that there admiral in particular. Leastways, you see he knew me, and by-and-by when we were a-having a stiff glass of lemonade together, sociable-like, he entered in the log with his own hand an account of my adventures, which, as he was pleased to observe, being a truthful man, were indeed ‘ very surprising.’ ’”
“‘Shiver my timbers!’ says the captain, when I’d told him about the pirate vessel. ‘And can such things be?’ ‘Admiral,’ I answers him, ‘they can and are, and so I won't deceive you.’ ‘Then,’ says he, ‘it’s my bounden duty, a-sailing under the meteor flag, to go for those same pirates and give them beans,’ says he; ‘my Queen and the British Lion expect of me no less.’ ‘Hurrah!’ says I. ‘Them’s my sentiments to a T.’ He studied a spell, and then says he: ‘Ben, my lad, would you know the pirate captain if you came across him again?’ ‘Admiral,’ I replies, ‘should I know my own mother? Only set me face to face with the villain, a fair field and no favour!’ The captain smiled at my eagerness. ‘Ben,’ says he, ‘I admire your spirit, so tip us your flipper; but now get you to your bunk, my hearty, for I’m sure you're sadly in need of rest and refreshment.’ ‘Admiral,’ I answers him, ‘conditional on my being hailed should the foe be sighted, I obey; and so I thank you kindly.’
“I’d given, as near as I could, the lay of the land, and away steamed the Blunderbuss for the desert island.
“When morning dawned, and I came above hatches, not a sail was in sight, and the ship was a-doing her twenty knots in fine style. The skipper was a-pacing the quarter-deck, and seeing yours truly he at once calls me to him, and after kindly inquiring how I found myself, says he, ‘And now, Ben, oblige me by going up aloft and casting your eye around.’
“So I climbed the rigging, and sung out almost immediate, ‘Land on the weather bow!’ Whereupon the captain himself climbs up along-side of me. ‘There ain’t no land marked down on the chart,’ says he; ‘maybe it’s something new.’ ‘Admiral,’ I answers him, ‘don’t you see the blue smoke a-rising from it? As sure as my name’s Benjamin,’ says I, ‘that there’s Salamander Island.’ ‘Shiver my timbers!’ says the captain, quite excited, and down he went to take an observation and enter the exact bearings of the discovery in his log.’’
“But, Ben,” said Charlie, “though Salamander Island was a good name, I think it really ought to have been called Benjamin Isle.”
“Well, Master Charles,” replied the ancient mariner, with his usual modesty, “‘ maybe you're right, but that’s hardly for me to say. Salamander was the name as passed between me and the admiral. Howsomever, when he’d done, he says to me, ‘ Now, Ben, I’d like to put it to you, as between man and man, shall we steer north, south, east, or west?’ says he. ‘We don’t want this here piratical craft to give us the slip!’ ‘Admiral,’ I answers him, ‘lay your course two p’ints north of east, likewise double your look-out and keep a-moving.’ ‘Ben,’ says he, ‘it shall be done.’
“Well, we forged ahead, but though a reward was offered to the look-outs aloft, and though me and the captain kept our weather eyes open, never a sail, big or little, did we sight.
“‘What's the cut of her jib?’ says the skipper to me.
“‘A milk-white hull with a red stripe,’ says I, ‘schooner-rigged and a-flying the Union Jack.’
“Well, we cruised till about ten bells in the afternoon, when a mariner aloft hails the quarter-deck, where was me and the admiral a-walking up and down. ‘Sail ho!’ says he. ‘Where away?’ says the skipper. “Right a-head, sir!’ ‘Can you make out her rig?’ ‘She’s a foreign barque,’ says the look-out, ‘and a-sailing this way.’
“As the two vessels came nearer, the skipper ran up the British flag, and the barque she ran up the French. The Mossoos slowed a bit as they saw we wanted to speak, and we were about half a mile as it were apart.
“What ship is that?’ we signalled. ‘The Vive la France, says they. ‘We're Her Britannic Majesty’s corvette Blunderbuss, says we. “Please have you seen a schooner with a milk-white hull and a red stripe?’ ‘Why, yes,’ says the Mossoos, ‘a matter of ten knots a- starn and bound due east; you'll catch up with her if you’re smart.’ So we thanked the Frenchy and passed the compliment of dipping our flag three times, and they did the same by us, and off we went, cocksure of our game. 
“‘Don’t you see the blue smoke a-rising from it?’” (p. 101)
“When it got dark we daren’t show a light, as, of course, we didn’t want the pirate to know we were a-coming. Suddenly the look-out forrud yells, ‘Luff—luff your ’el-em. Man overboard!’ We'd a narrow shave of running down something that showed white in the water. A boat was lowered, and away she went in chase in charge of the mate, while we shortened sail and waited for her. When she came back the mate sings out for hoisting tackle, so we rigs up a pulley on the main-yard, and hoists the something they’d picked up a-board—and what d’ye think it was, Master Charles ?”
“A big chest,” suggested Charlie, “which contained treasure.”
The old sailor chuckled. ‘No, Master Charles, ’twas just a poor shipwrecked sailor, and, come to look, a Frenchy. He was bound hand and foot, and gagged, and was lashed to a couple of planks which was white with a red stripe. He was that pale about the gills that we thought at first he had hopped the twig. Howsomever, we hung him up by the heels, whereby the water he’d shipped ran out of him; and brandy and rubbing did the rest. He was as weak as a church rat, but managed to whisper the word ‘Pirates!’ I looks at the skipper and him at me. Says the skipper, ‘Was the pirate vessel a schooner with a milk-white hull and a red stripe?’ The Mossoo feebly nodded. ‘Shiver my timbers!’ says the captain, ‘but we’ve been nicely tricked. ‘Bout ship!’ says he. ‘Set every stitch of canvas, raise every ha’porth of steam. A fippund note to the mariner what first sights that there furrin barque!’”
“But, Ben,” said puzzled Charlie, “‘you don’t mean to say that the foreign barque was really the pirate schooner?”
“Not exactly, Master Charles; ‘twas in this way, as the skipper guessed, and as we found out for certain afterwards; the Frenchy was a-sailing along one night when every soul aboard was a-roosting under hatches without a thought of guile, the mariner at the ’el-em and the look-out forrud being the only men on deck. Behold you, all of a sudden the pirate schooner ranges up alongside, throws out grappling-irons, and then the rascals swarmed aboard; and it’s all U.P. with the unfortunate Mossoos. They were made to walk the plank, every mother’s son.”
“What do you mean by that?”’ asked Charlie.
“Why,” said Ben, “a plank was put out from the vessel, and then each Mossoo, being blindfolded, was invited to take a walk along it. As the walk ended in the ocean, there was an end of the unfortunate Frenchies. As for the captain, he was bound hand and foot, tied to a piece of the pirate ship, and chucked into the sea, there to die a sure but lingering death, if it hadn’t a-been that we come along, and rescued him from a watery grave just in the nick of time. The barque being a much better craft than the schooner, the pirates shipped aboard her the best of their own cargo, not forgetting, of course, the guns and powder, and finished by blowing{up their own vessel, so as it could tell no tales. I give you my word, Master Charles, we might easily have sailed a wild-goose chase till doomsday in search of the schooner with the milk-white hull and red stripe, and then not found her, she being all the time at the bottom of the briny!
“Next morning, directly we clap our eyes on the horizon, there was the furrin barque, sure enough, and we were a-coming up with her hand over hand, By-and-by we fires across her bows, which brought her to instanter, and then we ranges up alongside. The captain of the furrin barque calls through his speaking-trumpet a parley-vousing in the French lingo. Directly I claps my eyes on him I says to our skipper, ‘That’s him, admiral; that’s the pirate captain. I should know him anywheres!’”
“Our captain tipped me the wink, and then he hollers back, ‘All right, but we’re just a-going to pay you a friendly visit!’
“With that a hundred and fifty bold Jack Tars, each armed to the teeth, boarded the barque, headed by yours truly. When the pirate chief sees me, he turns white about the gills and gives a kind of gasp; then he pulls hisself together for to brazen it out. Says he, ‘You have no right aboard a harmless trader, and, what’s more, you’d best beware how you insult the French flag!’
“‘French flag!’ I answers him; and putting my hand in the breast- pocket of his overcoat, whips out his handkerchief, which I had noticed, being keen of sight. ‘French flag, indeed—pray what do you call that?’
“‘Twas the pirate flag, white skull and crossbones on a black ground, which he’d stuffed in his pocket to conceal it like!
“‘No, no,’ says I, ‘that won’t wash; the game’s up, and so I won't deceive you. All our guns are double-shotted, and a broadside will blow you into smithereens!‘
“On hearing these words the two or three pirates on deck fell on their knees and howled for mercy.
“‘You must leave that to the admiral,’ says I; ‘meanwhile, summon the rest of your miserable crew, and let them stack arms, every mother’s son.’ So they came up the hatchway, gave up their guns and cutlasses, and were put under a strong guard; but the pirate captain was delivered over to the admiral. ‘O—you villain,’ says he, ‘I can’t a-bear to look at you; hanging’s too good for the likes of you. Howsomever,’ says he, a-turning to the crew, ‘to the yard-arm with him, my hearties!’ So’we strung up the pirate chief, and there he dangled as a warning to all evil-doers.
“‘Now, Ben,’ says the captain, drawing me aside confidential-like, “and what shall we do with the rest of the gang?’ ‘Admiral,’ I answers him pat, ‘do as you said you would—give ’em beans.’ I then told him as how the furrin barque was from the Indies, laden with Tonquin 
“We landed the pirates.”
beans and spices. ‘Now,’ says I, ‘put ’em ashore on Salamander Island, give ’em the beans, and let ’em shift for themselves.’ ‘ Benjamin,’ says the skipper, ‘I admire your figurehead, so tip us your flipper, and as you say so shall it be!’
“Whereupon, Master Charles, we shaped our course for Salamander Island, and when we got there we landed the pirates, every mother’s son. Each man was given a couple of bushels of beans, and a quart or so of red pepper pods. ‘There! That'll warm their insides, I'll be bound,’ says the skipper, with a grin; ‘they’ve peppered others, so it is but fair to pepper them; and the beans, though hard, are filling diet, so they won’t starve. Likewise,’ says he, ‘they can plant and sow, and the crops will remind them of their misdeeds; and who can tell,’ says the skipper, says he, ‘but what in time they may repent?’ ‘ Admiral,’ I answers him, ‘ you never said a truer word, and so I won’t deceive you.’
“So we hoisted in the boats, and with the furrin barque in tow, off we sailed; and ever since, when I see that there admiral, me and him has a quiet chuckle together over how we ‘ gave the pirates beans.’ ” The old sailor was quieter than usual, apparently lost in reveries of the past, as he pulled at the familiar black pipe. Master Charlie fidgeted and wriggled, almost afraid to speak, yet longing to wheedle another story out of his companion. At length he ventured to remark, “I’m going back to school next. week, Ben.”
The sailor roused himself. “Are you indeed, Master Charles? It’s a fine thing to be a scholar. I never was put to books when I was a young nipper.”
Charlie rummaged in his pocket and produced a screw of paper, which he tendered to his friend. “That’s tobacco, Ben, which I thought perhaps you'd accept; and it’s very kind of you, I’m sure, to have told me all those jolly stories. You see, it’s ever so much nicer than reading stories in books, because often they’re not true, you know; and you’ve had such very wonderful adventures, haven’t you, Ben?”
“Well, for the matter of that, Master Charles, I'll not deny but what I’ve knocked about more than most, and what I says that I'll stand by. I thank you kindly, Master Charles, for remembering of yours truly. Talking of tobacco,” added the old sailor meditatively, as he knocked the ashes out of his pipe and proceeded to fill it with his new acquisition, “it’s a co-in-ci-dence that I was just a-thinking of a curious experience I had when I was serving aboard her Majesty’s gunboat Ring-tailed Roarer, off the west coast of Africa. But there! I daresay you'd like to hear one more yarn, and so I don’t know as I can do better than tell it you; wherefore, if you’re so minded, we'll just clap on all sail, and begin before your ma gives you a hail for dinner.”
“Oh, thank you, Ben! Please do.”
“Well, we were a-cruising up the Crocodile River, if my memory don’t deceive me, Master Charles, and me and the skipper was forrud, a-resting from our labours and the fearful heat of them regions, and without a thought of guile we was a-smoking of our pipes together, sociable-like, when what should come along but an old hippopotamus. It paddled up just to leeward with its snout in the air, sniffing and grunting occasionally in a contented sort of way as our smoke floated in its direction. I was a-watching of it curious-like, and wondering what its little game might be, when suddenly a thought struck me. I got up quietly, leaned over the gun’le, and taking the pipe, which I'd just filled, from my lips, placed the stem of it in the monster’s jaws. It was exactly what it wanted, Master Charles, and what, I suppose, it least expected. If it didn’t actually grin, it gave an unmistakable grunt of joy, and put out at once for home. But it hadn’t gone far before an idea seemed to strike it all of a heap, for it paddled back and again waited. By a happy thought I chucked it a box of matches. It was the very thing it needed, and, grunting its thanks, it made tracks, puf- fing like a penny steamer, and leaving a long trail of smoke in its wake. The behaviour of the creature was that ridiculous that me and the skipper laughed fit to split.”
“Oh, Ben, that was awfully clever of the hippopotamus,” said Charlie; “isn’t it wonderful what creatures can do, don’t you think?”
“Right you are, Master Charles. And yet,” added the old sailor reflectively, “there’s them as don’t give brute beasts credit for possess- ing reason! I give you my word, a man’s only got to travel a spell with his eyes wide open for to see the wonders of Nature. Now,” continued Ben, removing the pipe from his lips with an argumentative flourish, “look at monkeys; ain’t they up to snuff, I should like to know? You'll have seen them yourself, Master Charles, in the Zoo, or leastways read about their little games in some of your ma’s books. But did you ever hear of a monkey in the picture line—a regular artist, so tosay? No? Well, it comes into this here yarn, and takes the cake for cleverness.
“Now, you must know, Master Charles, that the most powerful po-ten-tate in them parts was the King of Cuffeecocoland, and one day the skipper says to me in confidence, says he, ‘Ben, my lad, I wish I wasn’t glued to the Ring-tailed. I wants to get this here king under British protection, likewise to open up a trade through his country, and I’ve been a-wondering if you’d undertake this little job for me. I won’t conceal from you the dangers that lie in your way: there’s forests, and deserts, and scarcity of rations, likewise they do say as how the Cuffeecocoites are cannibals, every mother’s son. It may be death or glory, my lad, and so what say you?’
“Well, I hadn’t my old woman to think of in those days, and, being anxious to oblige, I answers him: ‘A man can die but once,’ says I, ‘and so I won’t deceive you; I’m willing for to do the best I can with this here po-ten-tate, or perish in the attempt.’
“Having taken in hand this little job, I had to study how I was a-going to carry it out. I chose me a couple of friendly niggers, likewisea wheelbarrow for to hold the swag. We filled it with cocoanuts to keep our gills moist in the desert, likewise a gold-laced scarlet swallow-tailed coat, a cocked hat with feathers, fireworks, and cigars. Each of us carried, of course, shooting irons.
“The skipper landed us on the coral strand, and we at once began to push our way through mangrove-bushes and tree-ferns. The shore was fringed with monkey-trees, which were bowed down with the weight of monkeys, and the welkin, Master Charles, rang with the jabbering of these creatures mixed with the hoarse screams of parrots and cockatoos. Then we entered the forest, where the trees were a-growing a thousand feet high, so that it made your eyes fair ache to try and get a squint at the top of them. We hadn’t gone far before ‘Hist!’ says I to the niggers, and pointed forrud.”
“Why, Ben, whatever was it?” asked Charlie.
“Well, Master Charles, a little way down the forest glade, and just a p’int or so to starboard, rose a hillock of smooth chalk. Squatting on its haunches, with its back towards us, was a giant ape. It held in one of its paws a sharpened lump of plumbago, the which is common to them parts, and with it was a-drawing on the chalk the likeness of another of its kind. It was that busy that it didn’t notice us at first, but directly it did it ran to an india-rubber tree, close by, pounced upon some dried sap that had oozed from it, rubbed out the plumbago marks, and cut its stick before you could have said Jack Robinson. Now, I ventures to put it to you, Master Charles, as between man and man, wasn’t that there a clever monkey? ‘Yes,’ says you, and right you are, Master Charles.
“On the third day we entered the desert, and roamed the trackless waste. The sun blazed overhead like unto a flaming furnace, only a jolly sight more so, and there wasn’t a tree, or a shrub, or even a blade of grass. Victuals and drink ran short, and we carried our lives in our hands. We knew for sure that the heathen were a-raging around us there or thereabouts, likewise the ravening wild beasts. We killed one lion which was a thirsting for our blood, likewise some apes, and took their skins along with us.
“Sometimes the my-rage would set our mouths a-watering, and sometimes we grovelled in the sand while the sy-moon swep’ over us. More or less we were always on the jump; if ’twasn’t one dreadful danger, why, then, ’twas another, whereby we couldn’t complain of want of variety. One morning, howsomever, we claps our peepers on
some palm trees on the distant horizon—but was it really an o-a-sisor only one of these here silly my-rages? The niggers seemed to have no doubt about its being the real article, and were flabbergasted to that 
“It was a-drawing on the chalk” (p. 108).
extent that their teeth were all of a chatter. To hearten them up I proposed a game at “Aunt Sally, three shies a
penny,” with the cocoanuts we'd saved, and that pulled them together again.
“By-and-by we got near to the o-a-sis, and, peeping through the thick grass, lo and behold, there were the heathen a-doing a double shuffle, likewise a-snapping their fingers and singing:
“‘Hi, hi! Yip, yip! Across the yaller sand
White boss, he come to Cuffeecocoland;
White boss, he come, when will hego away?
White boss, he come, hi, hi! He come to stay.’”
“Why, Ben,” cried Charlie excitedly, “could the Cuffee-what-d’ye-call’ems talk English?”
“Bless your innocent heart, Master Charles, no, but I’ve given you to the best of my recollection the sense or the nonsense of their jabber.”
“But what did they mean, Ben, about your not going away, and how did they know you were there?”
“Well, now, Master Charles, you must ask me another. They’d heard tell, of course, as how there was an officer a-coming. As to their meaning, I think it was that the Cuffeecocoites would soon be politely asking of each other, ‘Will you prefer roast or boiled Benjamin, my brother?’—or sister, as the case might be.”
“Oh, Ben!” exclaimed Charlie, with a shudder. “How very dreadful!”
“Right you are, Master Charles; howsomever, this being so, I fell a-considering how I could best impress these here gentry with the great importance of yours truly, not yearning extra particular to be either boiled or roasted just yet. I got my niggers to rig up a swing between two palm-trees, then I put on the lion’s skin, which covered me up completely, and began a-swinging backward and forward. There I sits with my jaws open, smoking a she-root, and my long tail a-swing- ing free behind. Well, in a couple of shakes the heathen they see the smoke a-curling upward, not knowing anyone was near, and then they takes a squint through the leaves at a raging lion all on fire, as they thinks, enjoying of hisself amazing. I give you my word, Master Charles, they’d never clapped eyes on such a sight afore, and they didn’t stop long a-staring neither, but skedaddled in a precious funk. This being so, me and the niggers set to a-roaring like mad, which helped the Cuffeecocoites over the ground considerable.
“I knew that they wouldn’t come back again till the next day, when they'd be sure to bring some pals along with them, so I studied for to surprise them stillmore. In the morning we were up betimes, and this was our little game. I rigs out the niggers in the monkey skins, whereby they looks like the real article, a-walking on their behind legs. We fills the wheelbarrow with green leaves, and in I gets, dressed up like unto a lion again, and a-smoking my she-root. Then one monkey he tools me along, while the other walks in front with a bell in one hand and a-waving of the British flag with the other. By-and-by the heathen they come a-peering and a-squinting through the leaves, and are more astonished than ever.
“At last we reaches the capital, and the Cuffeecocoites turn out in crowds to meetus. The nigger in front waves the flag, and keeps a-ringing of his bell and bawling, ‘Make way, ladies and gents, for the British Lion!’ And by-and-by we claps our eyes on the king hisself, seated on a throne made of the skulls of his enemies, and all inlaid with yellow gold and ruby gems; and his warriors in their war-paint were around him a-staring with all their eyes. The darkies bowed down before the throne, and banged their noddles against the ground three times, and yelled for us to do similar immediate.”
“So I suppose you had to, Ben?” said Charlie.
The old sailor looked surprised, and replied in an injured tone, “Not me, Master Charles; ′twould take a jolly lot of po-ten-tates, more obstreperouser even than that one, for to make yours truly grovel. No, I just outs of the barrow, and I says to his Majesty, ‘ How are you, my buck? Tip us your flipper!’”
“Oh, Ben, you just were brave,” said Charlie; but wasn’t the king astonished?”
“Right you are, Master Charles, he was kind of struck dumb with amazement. Near by, however, was his chief medicine man a-squatting on another throne, and he ups and says he:
“’Whoe’er you are, whate’er you be,
This axe shall make mincemeat of thee,’
and he swipes a terrible chop at me with an enormous hatchet.”
“Oh, Ben, and did he hit you?”
“Not much, Master Charles; for I dodged the deadly weapon, and putting a hand into each of my waistcoat pockets I pulls out a couple of squibs, lights them at the end of my she-root, and chucks them at his bare breast. I give you my word, Master Charles, he yelled fit to burst his skin, and fell a-grovelling on the ground; so I follows the squibs with some crackers, and that just about finished him, never having seen such things before. That there black po-ten-tate turned white about the gills, and all the people trembled; then I sat me down on the throne of the medicine man, and I claps the king a good sounding whack on the back. ‘You see,’ says I, ‘what comes of insulting of the British Lion; but you're all right, old horse, so keep up your pecker.’
“Then I tells him more about the British Lion, likewise our gracious Queen, and shows him the flag, and points out the advantages of trade, and all the time I has my foot on the neck of that there medicine man. Then I makes the king a present of the scarlet coat and the cocked hat and feathers, and I helps him to put them on, and I shows him hisself in a looking-glass, the which I had brought with me a-purpose. And he rubs noses with me then and there, and appoints me his chief medicine man; likewise he tells me as how he’d a soft place in his heart for the Queen, from what I had told him, and would like to marry her straight off. Then I explained to him as how that wouldn’t very well do, as the lady lived far, far away beyond the setting sun, but he could be her great friend, and she would protect him from all his enemies, and he could have any quantity of cowrie shells in return for ivory and gold dust. Likewise I rigs up a flagstaff on the king’s palace, and hoists the Union Jack, and when night fell we had a grand display of 
“The other walks in front with a bell in one hand” (p. 110).
fireworks, and all the heathen joined in the mazy dance to the beating of tom-toms; there was a great feast, too, in honour of the occasion, and I taught that there po-ten-tate to play Aunt Sally, which he did in his cocked hat and swaller-tailed coat, and enjoyed it amazing.
“The next day I takes my leave of Cuffeecocoland, and with a guard of honour makes tracks for the coast and the Ring-tailed. And when I come to the Crocodile River, I tells the skipper how I’d fixed up things all friendly-like with that there po-ten-tate.”
“What did he say?” asked Charlie.
“Well, Master Charles, if you must know: ‘Ben, my lad,’ says he, ‘tip us your flipper; you've earned the gratitude of your Queen and country. Likewise,’ says he, ‘I shall recommend you for promotion in the very next letter which I sends her most gracious Majesty.’”
“And did he?” asked Charlie.
“Well,” said the ancient mariner, “he did, Master Charles, and yet he didn’t. For you see ’twas this way: the Ring-tailed was wrecked before that there letter was posted, and captain and crew was drownd-ed in the Indian Ocean, while Ben barely escaped with his life. But there, there’s them as is promoted, and then again there’s them as isn’t; but come what may, it’s right for you to do your level best without fear or favour, and so I won’t deceive you.”