The Life and Work of Friedrich Engels/Chapter 12
Temporary Estrangement from Marx
In January, 1863, there occurred the first and only estrangement between Engels and Marx, an event which only serves to illustrate their deep and lasting friendship.
Whilst in Manchester, Engels had become acquainted with an Irish family. Burns, and had become deeply attached to one of the daughters, Mary, with whom he had lived for many years as man and wife. She was a bright, pretty, witty girl, who loved Engels passionately. On January 6, 1863, Mary died quite suddenly, probably from heart disease; the evening before he had been with her, and she had been quite well. Her death was a terrible shock to Engels, but when he wrote to Marx telling him of his bereavement, Marx answered by expressing his regret in a couple of sentences, and then proceeded to relate his own household difficulties. Engels let six days pass by before replying, and then reproached Marx for the "frosty" manner in which he had received the news of the misfortune that had befallen him (Engels). In contradistinction to Marx, "All my friends, even philistines, have shown me more sympathy and friendship in my loss than I could expect." Marx was evidently much touched, and wrote apologising for his seeming coldness. It was not due to want of feeling at Engels' loss, which he had been terribly upset about, but when Engels' letter came, the brokers were actually in the house, the various tradesmen were clamouring for payment, there was no food in the house, and his daughter, Jenny, was ill. As a consequence, he was almost mad with anxiety, could not work, and did not know where and to whom to turn.
But Engels was quick to forgive—he answered immediately: "I thank you for your sincerity. You can understand yourself the impression made on me by your previous letter. One cannot live with a woman for so long without being frightfully upset by her death. I felt that with her I was burying the last remains of my youth. When I received your letter she was not yet in her grave. I tell you that your letter was in my head the whole week; I could not forget it. Never mind, your last letter has made up for it, and I am glad that I have not lost, together with Mary, my oldest and best friend." He then goes on to outline a plan of saving Marx from his immediate pecuniary anxieties.
Marx replies in the same tone. "I can tell you now without further formalities, that in spite of all the strain I have gone through these last few weeks, nothing weighed on me anywhere near so much as the fear of a break in our friendship. I have repeatedly declared to my wife that the whole wretched business is as nothing to me, compared with the fact that these bourgeois worries and their consequent agitation should have made me capable instead of consoling you at such a moment, to worry you with my private difficulties."
Towards the end of 1864, Engels married Lizzy, the sister of Mary Burns. They lived very happily together until her death in 1878. Mrs. Engels was a highly intelligent woman, who shared her husband's ideals and was an enthusiastic Fenian to the end of her life. They had no children, but Mrs. Engels' niece, Mary Ellen, nicknamed Pumps, lived with them and was educated and treated by both as their own daughter.