The Oozlum Bird

by William Thomas Goodge

It was on the Diamantina
   Where the alligators grow,
And the natives' allegations
   Ain't particularly slow.
He was old and he was ugly,
   He was dirty, he was low;
He could lie like Ananias,
   And they called him “Ginger Joe.”

He was wood-and-water joey
   At the “Jackeroo's Retreat,”
Where the swagmen and the shearers
   And the bound'ry riders meet;
And he'd pitch 'em lots of “fairies,”
   But the best I ever heard
Was McPherson's trip to Sydney
   On the famous Oozlum Bird!

“You can talk about yer racehorse
   And the pace as he can go,
But it just amounts to crawlin',
   Nothink else!” said Ginger Joe.
“And these cycle blokes with pacers,
   You can take my bloomin' word,
They're a funeral procession
   To the blinded Oozlum Bird!

“Do yez know Marengo station?
   It's away beyond the Peak,
Over sixty miles from Birdsville
   As you go to Cooper's Creek,
Which the blacks call Kallokoopah,
   And they tell you that Lake Eyre
Was one time an inland ocean.
   Well, the Oozlum Bird is there!

“Bet yer boots it ain't no chicken,
   It's as big and wide across
As the bird what beats the steamships,
   What's it called? The albatross!
That's the bird! And old King Mulga
   Used to tell the boys and me
They were there when Central 'Stralia
   Was a roarin' inland sea!

“I was cook at old Marengo
   When McTavish had the run,
And his missus died and left him
   With a boy — the only one.
Jock McPherson was his nephew,
   Lately came from Scotland, too,
Been sent out to get “experience”
   As a kind of Jackeroo!

“Well, this kid of old McTavish
   Was a daisy. Strike me blue!
There was nothing, that was mischief,
   That the kiddy would n't do!
But he was a kindly kinchen
   And a reg'lar little brick,
And we all felt mighty sorry
   When we heard that he was sick!

But, McTavish! Well, I reckon
   I am something on the swear,
But I never heard sich language
   As McTavish uttered there;
For he cursed the blessed country,
   And the cattle and the sheep,
And the station-hands and shearers
   Till yer blinded flesh would creep!

“It was something like a fever
   That the little bloke had got,
And McTavish he remembered
   (When he'd cursed and swore a lot),
That a chemist down in Sydney
   Had a special kind of stuff
Which would cure the kiddy's fever
   In a jiffy, right enough!

“So he sends me into Birdsville
   On the fastest horse we had,
And I has to wire to Sydney
   For the medsin for the lad.
They would send it by the railway,
   And by special pack from Bourke;
It would take a week to do it
   And be mighty slippery work.

“Well, I gallops into Birdsville
   And I sends the wire all right;
And I looks around the township,
   Meanin' stopping for the night.
I was waitin' in the bar-room —
   This same bar-room — for a drink
When a wire comes from McPherson,
   And from Sydney! Strike me pink!

“I had left him at Marengo
   On the morning of that day!
He was talking to McTavish
   At the time I came away!
And yet here's a wire from Sydney!
   And it says: ‘Got here all right.
Got the medsin. Am just leaving.
   Will be home again to-night!'

“Well, I thought I had the jim-jams,
   Yes, I did; for, spare me days!
How in thunder had McPherson
   Got to Sydney, anyways?
But he'd got there, that was certain,
   For the wire was plain and clear.
I could never guess conundrums,
   So I had another beer.

“In the morning, bright and early,
   I was out and saddled up,
And away to break the record
   Of old Carbine for the Cup.
And I made that cuddy gallop
   As he'd never done before;
And, so-help-me-bob, McPherson
   Was there waiting at the door!

“And the kid was right as ninepence,
   Sleepin' peaceful in his bunk,
And McTavish that delighted
   He'd made everybody drunk!
And McPherson says: ‘Well, Ginger,
   You did pretty well, I heard;
But you must admit you're beaten,
   Joe — I rode the Oozlum Bird!'

“Said he'd often studied science
   Long before he'd came out here,
And he'd struck a sort of notion,
   Which you'll think is mighty queer —
That the earth rolls round to eastward
   And that birds, by rising high,
Might just stop and travel westward,
   While the earth was rolling by!

“So he saddled up the Oozlum,
   Rose some miles above the plain,
Let the Earth turn underneath him
   Till he spotted the Domain!
Then came down, and walked up George-street,
   Got the stuff and wired to me;
Rose again and reached Marengo
   Just as easy as could be!

“ ‘But,' says I, ‘if you went westward
   Just as simple as you say,
How did you get back?' He answered:
   ‘Oh, I came the other way!'
So in six-and-twenty hours,
   Take the yarn for what it's worth,
Jock McPherson and the Oozlum
   Had been all around the earth!

“It's a curious bird, the Oozlum,
   And a bird that's mighty wise,
For it always flies tail-first to
   Keep the dust out of its eyes!
And I heard that since McPherson
   Did that famous record ride,
They won't let a man get near 'em,
   Couldn't catch one if you tried!

“If you don't believe the story,
   And some people don't, yer know;
Why the blinded map'll prove it,
   Strike me fat!” said Ginger Joe.
“Look along the Queensland border,
   On the South Australian side,
There's this township! christened Birdsville,
   'Cause of Jock McPherson's ride!