Dr. Yrekcauq Delivers an Address
The apartment to which the servant led Flin Flon was a large one, and very handsome in appearance. The walls were composed of polished gold, upon which designs in colours were drawn. There were long windows filled in with extremely fine mica, and at the sides of the windows were elaborate curtains of some peculiar substance, which on examination Flin found to be asbestos. These curtains were ornamented with tiny tin stars. The room was filled with a number of persons, who all turned round and stared very hard as Flin entered. He had no doubt whatever that they represented the elite of Esnesnon, as mentioned in the Gazette, and that this was the conference, and he was to be the subject of discussion.
It was not a very pleasant thought, but as it was useless to offer any protest, he was determined to submit with the best grace imaginable.
He noticed that many of these savants wore a large blue ribbon on the tail, this being the order of the Blue Ribbon of the Tail mentioned by Ytidrusba. All their clothing was made of asbestos, which was dyed in various colours and had rather a pleasing effect. Some of their faces were extremely ugly, at least so Flin thought, for they were pinched up and wrinkled, and Flin further thought that, if he had a few of these strange creatures in New York, he might have put them in a cage and exhibited them for talking apes, that is if they would have talked then. Each person had a round plate of glass, about the size of the top of a tea-cup, hung round his neck by a small chain. This plate was set in a frame of tin, and the use of it was for closer examination. In fact, instead of wearing spectacles, as civilised and intelligent people do, these "barbarians" (this in Mr. Flonatin's word) encumbered themselves with a great magnifying glass, though subsequently Mr Flin learnt that they were not glasses at all, but very thin diamonds peculiarly cut, so as to have great magnifying power.
When the distinguished traveller entered the room there was a great buzzing of voices. It seemed as if everyone was speaking at the same time. Mr. Ytidrusba came forward, and taking him by the hand led him to a small table upon which was a chair, and he requested Flin to take his seat thereon. And when he had done so the savants crowded round and examined him through their diamonds. His clothes in particular seemed to excite their curiosity, as they felt the blanket, and pulled his trousers about, and altogether acted in a manner that was very far from pleasant. The hubbub increased. Each one seemed as if he was trying to talk his fellow down, while the scientific jargon they used was beyond the comprehension of even the gigantic mind of Mr, Flonatin. He had endeavoured to give a very free translation of some of this, but he states that he much fears he has not done justice to the subject. When the inspection was over the savants retired to their seats round the room, while one person remained at the table, and while he twiddled his diamond magnifier about in his fingers he proceeded to deliver a lecture to his fellows on Flin. This person was the celebrated Dr. Yrekcauq, that is, celebrated of course in Esnesnon, and after two or three preliminary coughs, and sundry flourishes of the tail, he commenced his address, the following being a free translation:---
"Most learned brethren, during a very great number of years it has been my distinguished privilege to be a member of your honourable body, and I have ever endeavoured during that time to do all in my power for the advancement of science and general knowledge; and I trust I shall not be accused of sounding my own trumpet if I say that I feel conscious that this great and enlightened city owes something to my years of study and thought."
There was tremendous applause and great wagging of tails as this was said. When order had been restored, the learned Doctor proceeded, ---
"Your applause," he said, is a most gratifying assurance that I have done my duty, and I can assure you, learned brethren, that my heart swells with pardonable pride at the proof you have given me that I have merited your esteem and approval."
"You are a humbug," thought Flin, though he did not express this thought.
"There have been times, however," the Doctor continued, "when the opinions I have ventured to express as the result of long and anxious study have not always met with approval, but on the contrary have subjected me to the ridicule and insults of the rabble of this country, who are represented by a corrupt press. Perhaps no opinion I have ever advanced had incurred more opposition than that of there being inhabitants on the outside of the earth. I am sorry to say that this opposition has not always come from the lower classes, but persons who by position and learning ought to have known better have been pleased to contradict my theories --- theories that were only arrived at after profound research and anxious thought. I have ever stoutly maintained the possibility of the existence of being differently constituted from ourselves, and greatly inferior in mental and physical organisation. For I think, nay I am sure, that we are the very highest and most intelligent of created beings. (Loud applause.) It is, therefore, very gratifying, no less than it is startling and wonderful, that a specimen of a lower race has been permitted to penetrate the almost boundless thicknesses which separate us from the outside of the globe, and which, but for its enormous thickness, would be liable from many causes to crack and rend asunder. And if such a catastrophe were to take place, the dreadful gases and winds which surround the outer world would rush in and annihilate us. It is well known that the opinion I have entertained with reference to a new race has been shared by Mr. Ytidrusba. Though that gentleman has differed from me, inasmuch as he maintains that the outside of the world is peopled by beings who have once lived here, and who, having died here, have for their sins been transported in another form to what he is pleased to term the 'purgatorial regions.' I am bound to confess that I do not agree with this idea. Though I know that this confession will lay upon me open to the accusation of being a hard-headed materialist if not an infidel. I allow myself, however, to be guided by common sense, and I stoutly maintain, in spite of all opposition, that the outside of the globe is peopled by an original though greatly inferior race. (There was some applause and much disapproval expressed at this assertion, but the Doctor was calm and dignified.) I fear, however, that I am somewhat wandering from my subject. I have to deal at the present moment with this being, I am afraid I can scarcely call him a man." (Here the Doctor laid his hand upon the polished head of Flin, who was absolutely writhing with indignation). To be told that he was not worthy to be called a man by such a pompous, monkeyfied-looking rascal as this Doctor was almost more than human nature could endure, and the distinguished traveller and philosopher felt strongly tempted to knock the impudent fellow down. "Discretion is the better part of Valour" was a motto, however, that Flin had ever been guided by, and he was determined not to depart from it now. Insults were to be expected from persons whose ignorance was only excelled by their conceit. So he swallowed his choler, and remained silent, but he pushed the Doctor's hand away in a manner that plainly said, "You are a fool." At this the assembly broke out into a roar of laughter, and Flin's face flushed scarlet, but still he did not speak. The Doctor resumed his address.)
"The arrival of this tailless individual in our city is no less wonderful than it is astounding. From the account which he has given he has travelled down from regions where, if the people are not mad, they are at least savages. His arrival forever sets at rest a much-vexed question as to whether the crust of the earth was inhabited or not. It will be fresh in your recollection that when some years ago I issued from the Press a work entitled The Crust of the
Earth, and the Possibility of its being Inhabited, I raised a storm of abuse from all sorts of people. But when I went further, and said that a race of tailless beings was as likely as not to exist, the whole nation was furious, and the Press and the people vied with each other in heaping abuse and satire upon my head. I am thankful, however, to think that I have lived that down and that my countrymen are becoming more enlightened. They begin to see now that the horizon of their science is very limited, and that beyond that horizon there may be wonders which even in their profoundest philosophy they never dreamt of. It is a proud triumph for us, brethren. It is a greater gain for the scientific world. And I forget myself in the grand thought that a mighty truth has suddenly been brought home to us, and that the knowledge of our world is extended. (Applause.) And yet I venture to add, with all becoming modesty, that the doctrine I have preached for so many years with such pertinacity has at last been verified by what is little short of a miracle. It is as though a spirit had been sent from the land of the dead to open men's eyes and say 'Behold, ye unbelievers, and doubt no more.'"
The doctor paused, but there was a solemn silence. His eloquence seemed to have awed his listeners.
When the Doctor found that his brilliancy had not aroused the enthusiasm of his audience as he had expected it would have done, something very like a sneer of contempt sat upon his intelligent face, and no doubt he thought that those around were pigmies compared to his own giant intellect, and that to pass the slight unnoticed was the most dignified course to pursue. He felt hurt though, nevertheless.
"Time will not permit me to do more now," he continued, "than to glance hurriedly at the possible origin of the race represented by this being. A degenerated race, I think, you will all admit, my learned brothers. (Loud applause.) The opinion long entertained by my esteemed friend, Mr. Ytidrusba, that the spirits of our dead dwell on the crust of the earth, is one that I have never been able to reconcile myself to. And yet, in justice to Mr. Ytidrusba, I am compelled to say that the opinion of such a high authority is worthy of the most respectful consideration. But if I differ from him I do so in that broad spirit which should characterise all searches after truth. I know that the great magician is sincere in his own belief, and I venture humbly to say that I am equally sincere in mine. We are certain now that the outer world is inhabited. We know from the specimen before us the sort of people who dwell there. And the question for our consideration is how did these people come there, and what was their origin? a question by no means so difficult to answer as at first sight it would appear to be. We have long had traditions that our world here was inhabited long before our written records state. I assert now that these traditions are based upon truth. People did live in ages that are lost in the mists of antiquity. They were indolent, luxurious, worldly and thoughtless, and as a punishment for their errors some violent eruption of the world took place; in short, it was turned inside out, and what few beings remained after the commotion was over found themselves the solitary dwellers on a strange earth. The physical changes that had swept over all things had also changed them. They were tailless, and they knew that from then to the end of time the sign of their fallen state should be the absence of that which so distinguished us --- the tail. This, my learned brethren, is a rational, a feasible, no less than a morally certain theory. And no amount of discussion can ever alter what appears to me to be an incontrovertible fact."
"But how do you account, Doctor" --- asked a little old man, whose tail waggled with evident delight, as if its owner knew that he was putting a poser, "how do you account for there being tailed races in existence still?"
"It is difficult to account for it, sir, very difficult," answered the Doctor, as a frown contracted his brow. For the truth was the learned Doctor, like a good many more savants, was particularly fond of theories, but did not like to be questioned too closely as to facts. "I propose, however," he continued, "to read a paper on the subject at no distant date. I will conclude my address, brethren, by humbly suggesting to his most gracious and mighty Majesty, King Gubmuh, that this tailless wonder be exhibited to the common people at a small charge, by which means the national exchequer may be replenished."
There was considerable applause at this, the courtiers and the hangers-on at the Palace being particularly audible, for the fact was they had not received their salaries for a very long time owing to the impoverished condition of the King's purse, so that it was scarcely matter for wonder that the suggestion was met with an outburst of applause.