This Chapter, Though Not to the Point, is Pointed
It will be remembered that the roguish little Princess Yobmot had succeeded in wheedling her father into allowing Flin Flon to have his liberty. And this concession was no less welcome to Flin than to the lady herself. Mr Flonatin was by no means pleased with the exuberance of animal spirits displayed by the Princess, but under the circumstances he felt it was to his interest to put up with some inconveniences, and therefore he was determined to be silent, as she might prove a valuable ally.
On the day following Flin's interview with King Gubmuh, he was unexpectedly, and, as it proved, clandestinely visited by the Princess, who, suddenly bursting into the room, exclaimed, --- .
"Oh, I am so delighted to see you, you jolly little male! But do you know, my dad has prohibited me from coming, though that does not trouble me. Love laughs at locksmiths, you know, dear, doesn't it? "
Mr. Flonatin blushed. He could not help doing so, for he was particularly bashful and retiring in the presence of ladies.
"Really, you Highness," he stammered, "your attentions are no doubt well meant, but I must again remind you that I have long passed the hey-day of youth, and that love-making was an art in which I fear I never even reached mediocrity, as testified by the fact that in my old age I am still a bachelor and childless."
The Princess fairly roared with laughter as Flin spoke. She was evidently greatly amused, though he, poor man, had not the slightest intention of joking. His bachelorhood was a tender subject upon which he seldom touched. Nor shall I presume to deal with such a delicate and sacred matter, though I am selfish enough to feel some slight degree of gladness that the immortal traveller never was trapped into the net of Hymen. For had he settled down into a humdrum Benedict, and become the proud father of a large family, his roving propensities would not have been gratified, and, as a consequence, I should not have had the pleasure of writing this history. But to return to the Princess, who, when she had recovered, exclaimed, ---
"Oh, you funny little quack-quack, you talk in such a comical manner that I really cannot refrain from laughing."
Then she pressed his cheeks with her by no means delicate hands, I am sorry to say, and kissed him two or three times --- an act of gracious condescension which he by no means relished. And he showed his reluctance to be treated so familiarly by forcibly drawing back and frowning his severest frown, which only caused the Princess to break out again and cry, enthusiastically, ---
"You darling, you will drive me mad with laughter if you persist in being so funny. Do try and be sedate, there's a dear."
For her to be any madder than she was Flin thought would be morally impossible. In fact, his own private opinion, it may be freely confessed, was that everybody in Esnesnon was very decidedly mad, an opinion in which I by no means share. In fact, I do not hesitate to say that Mr. Flonatin was a little too severe, and since we do not know exactly the precise opinion entertained by the prehuman people for the human race, beyond that they believe us to be very degenerated, a belief in which I fully coincide, it is as well to be a little lenient and sparing of abuse, remembering that those who live in glass structures should not fling stones.
"Really, my dear madam," Flin remarked, "I must respectfully beg that you will be a little less volatile. I am so unused to such behaviour that it quite confuses me."
"What a splendid actor you are, to be sure," she answered, with a look of mock gravity. "Why, you would almost make one believe that you were in earnest. But do, for goodness sake, try and be a little serious yourself, there's a dear. It is not good for one to laugh so."
"I really protest, your Highness --- " Flin continued; but the Princess interrupted him by putting her hand playfully over his mouth, and saying, ---
"There, there, you funny little thing, don't joke any more now, or else I will get ever so angry with you."
Mr. Flonatin sighed. He felt that he was thoroughly mastered by this young lady, and that to attempt to convince her would be a perfectly hopeless task. He was not the first man who has had to confess himself beaten by a strong-minded woman. In fact, there is reason to fear that at the present day man is becoming decidedly the weaker vessel, and that henceforth his station will be in the kitchen, where he can exercise his ingenuity in making pastry and washing up the plates. But if woman has thoroughly made up her mind to drive us there, I call upon all men to rally round and make a bold stand against this revolutionary measure. Let us show the dear creatures that we know how to resent this last indignity. We will die, die bravely, piling up our dead bodies at the kitchen doors rather than submit.
"Now, look here," continued Princess Yobmot, addressing Flin. "I tell you what I am going to do. There is a meeting to-day of 'The Society for the Protection of Males.' I was one of the founders of this society, and it is supported by some of our best ladies. There is often some jolly fun there, and so I intend to take you. But, mind, on one condition only."
"And what is that, you Highness?" asked Flin, not a little pleased at the opportunity which offered itself to him to see some of the inner life of the New Worlders. The Princess sidled up to him, and looking into his face very roguishly, and patting him on the head, she said, ---
"Why, you artful little creature, as though you did not know. Well, it is that you do not allow any of the ladies there to make love to you; or I shall be so awfully jealous."
"Really, you Highness, I cannot believe that you wish me to accept this seriously. Surely the members of a Society whose business is of such a serious nature will not be guilty of such a dereliction of duty as that you name."
"You silly little thing," answered the Princess, "you don't know what my countrywomen are yet. It is very doubtful if they are capable of really serious business. And they are such flirts. I am afraid they sadly deceive their husbands, poor, confiding creatures! Oh, do you know, if I had a husband I should be so good to him. And I should always take him out whenever I went, and I shouldn't belong to any club, but always be home early at night, and never look slyly at any other young male. In fact, I should be a perfect model of a wife."
"I fear, your Highness, that you promise far too much," Flin observed. "I have heard men in my own country make similar promises, but I know they have seldom been kept. And the husband has cared more for his club than his wife after marriage."
"His club!" the Princess almost shrieked, throwing up her hands in horror. "His club," she repeated. "You don't mean to tell me that the husband has a club?"
"What I state is perfectly true, madam."
"And the husband goes away and leaves his wife at home?"
"Such I am sorry to say is too often the case."
"Oh, the brutes!" the Princess cried; "but tell me, why do the wives allow it?"
"Simply because they cannot help themselves. You must understand that in most civilis --- I beg your pardon, that is, I mean to say --- in the upper world regions man is invariably the ruler and the woman is ever the weaker sex."
"Oh, horror, I shall faint!" exclaimed the Princess. "Can it be possible that such a state of things can exist, even amongst barbarians? How I wish I could visit your country. I would very soon alter all that." Then she moved closer to him, and winding her arm round his waist, she broke out into an incredulous smile, and said, "You naughty, gay, little deceiver. Fie on you! You have been trifling with my feelings, and you know that what you have stated is false."
Flin by no means liked to have his veracity impugned, and gently disengaging himself from his too ardent admirer's grasp, he remarked, ---
"Your Highness is slightly discourteous to doubt my word --- "
But before he could finish his sentence she kissed him rather boisterously, and said, ---
"Now don't get cross, you little tease, for you know that what you say isn't true. The idea of trying to make me believe such a thing, you naughty little fellow. Now, now" --- as Flin was about to speak --- "it is no use saying anything else because I won't hear you. Why, if I thought that even in such a terrible place as that from which you have come my sex were so degraded I would drown myself, I declare I would. It is horrible to think of it even as a joke. So please not to be so funny any more, or I won't speak to you for a whole day."
Flin saw that it would be perfectly useless to attempt to convince this dreadful young lady. And he breathed a silent prayer of thankfulness that in his country her counterpart was nowhere to be found, and "the lords of creation" still held sway.
Alas! in the purity of his nature, and his childlike simplicity, he believed this to be the case. But things have altered since then, and if the good Flonatin's spirit could revisit earthly scenes he would weep to see how the Esnesnon fashions are becoming general throughout the upper world.
"Come, we must not waste any more time," the Princess remarked, "or the Society's meeting will be over." As she spoke she struck a polished stone disc with a sort of hammer, and a strange, low, musical note resulted. This stone was the equivalent for our bell. A servant appeared. "Order my chariot immediately," she said imperiously. The slave bowed and retired. Returning in a few minutes he announced that "the chariot was ready." Then, all smiles, the Princess turned to Mr Flonatin and said, "Come, dear, let us go." She caught up an elegant asbestos shawl which was lying over the sofa, and throwing it over Flin's head so as to conceal his face, she offered him her arm, and gazing on him with a look of admiration led him out of the room.